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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About lending a present??

140 replies

lorelairoryemily · 30/12/2016 22:51

A friend of mine bought us a travel cot for our ds, gave it to us when he was a few weeks old then 2 weeks later before we'd even gotten to use it text me to say she had to borrow it to use for her husbands nephews child who was coming to stay. Aibu to be really fucked off and not want it back??

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 31/12/2016 00:25

You totally misrepresented that first text on here. Initially not including the bit where she said you could say no Hmm

Even the second text (you have to find me one) I wonder now if it was verbatim, as you missed out an important chunk of the first. Sounds like there was more to it as you say she mentioned you asking others...

Was it more "omg I need to sort this - you need to help me find one! Your sis, SIL, friend?"?

She sounds a taker from the rest of it, but you can say no. And as you definitely left out a tone changing part of the first text, I think there's room for more than one view here.

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 00:25

Reindeer&81 you're both rightSmileSmile

OP posts:
GlitterGlassEye · 31/12/2016 00:27

Give her the travel cot back. Buy 1 for yourselves for £20 (Aldi) and tell her to shove hers when (if!) she tries to return it.

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 00:28

Ellisandra im sorry you feel I didn't explain properly, I've never started a thread here before

OP posts:
Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 00:29

Ellisandra. It was more "well if I can't have yours you'll have to get me one.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 31/12/2016 00:32

I know that it's natural to add more information as you go along, as in a normal conversation!
And from that she does sound pretty shocking Grin
But I do think missing half the text that said you could say no was a pretty important bit to miss out! Wink

I'm with the others who say give it back and then totally distance yourself from her. Any more "gifts" tell her you have one / have no need of one.

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 00:33

Ellisandra you're totally right, that's the plan now! I'm way too softBlush

OP posts:
tierny · 31/12/2016 00:35

I would just let her keep it and get a new one - one that better for actually sleeping in 😁

The first message was polite enough - she said feel free to say no, but when you said no she seemed to turn ! Like she said feel free to say no but she didn't actually mean it. She obviously assumed you would just hand it over. Forget it, let her have it back and go buy a better one lol.

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 00:37

Tierny that's exactly it! She said feel free to say no but she didn't mean it at all!

OP posts:
0hCrepe · 31/12/2016 00:43

I think I must have missed something. She bought you a travel cot, then needed one so asked to borrow yours, you took huge offence to this and you lied saying you were using it? I'd have just lent it. I can't see why not at all.

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 00:44

Read the whole thread

OP posts:
Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 00:44

And I did lend it

OP posts:
0hCrepe · 31/12/2016 00:54

I read all your posts and a few others and I can see I'm in the minority. I didn't see you'd lent it in the end though. I'd just think 'typical' it wouldn't rile me so much.

CakesRUs · 31/12/2016 00:56

If she's saying "you'll have to find us one then" - I'd just give it her back, tell her to keep it.

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 00:59

It's just how she asked and the fact that she's always looking for something but never willing to give or do anything herself, I don't even want the bloody thing now I just think that giving someone a present and then looking to borrow it back is really rude

OP posts:
Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 01:00

Cakes you're dead right

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 31/12/2016 02:06

Bit tight to lie about using it, really. Confused

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 31/12/2016 02:46

I would have lied, given the history/her attitude.

No one is entitled to borrow something of someone else's. No one should expect someone else to solve their problem, especially when it's a non-problem. Why can't the husband's nephew find or bring one, ffs?!

OP, you are right to ditch this friendship, and I too would tell her to shove keep the travel cot. And I would say "you know how you said I would have to find you a travel cot? I found one - I know it must have been impossible for you to have found one for yourself, it's not like you had recently managed to not only find one, but buy it and bring it to me, as a gift. So, where is this shop and do they deliver? I'm going to buy one there too." Then, when you've bought it (from wherever you choose to buy it) tell her Happy Birthday! here's a fucking travel cot.

Really really cheeky to give a gift and then ask to borrow it. I would wonder if the point of the gift was to have a travel cot to use for her guests....

CauliflowerSqueeze · 31/12/2016 03:04

She's using you. You're being too nice. You know that, though, it's just a case of making sure her problems stay with her and don't become yours.

That text saying you have to get her one, if that kind of thing happens again you ignore it and if she presses you, you say "oh god I assumed you were joking!!!!"

Don't ask her for anything again - it will only annoy you when she refuses (like the glass shelves thing).
You said you do hair and she does beauty. She certainly is a beaut. Time for you to be a bit more snippy! Wink

QueenLizIII · 31/12/2016 03:38

honeylulu Indian giver is a racist term with racist origins. Its origins are from the Native Americans lending items to white settlers who didn't understand that items were loaned and not given.

But in this case it was clearly a gift and no right to demand it back.

FeralBeryl · 31/12/2016 04:10

I can't see how people are getting confused with OP Confused

OP has baby - congrats btw OP
'Friend' buys gift for new baby
'Friend' then asks to borrow said gift back before OP has even had a chance to use it.

It sounds like she's probably used to railroading you into decisions. I'd have replied saying sorry not sorry it's already in use but you can get one from Aldi for £20.

Reading between the lines, if she was a good friend, I suspect you'd have handed it over without a second thought.

Also, is this your first baby?
I'd have been territorial over the gift with the first one, but after a few kids, I'd be letting the dog raise the child as it's own so wouldn't need a playpen Wink

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 05:34

Feralberyl You have it exactly!!! Thank you! It is my first baby, I absolutely would have handed it over no hesitation if she was a good friend/had asked differently, and yes the fact that it was my first baby I was being a bit territorial over it, she bought it new for me, gave it to me, then pretty much demanded it back, to use before I could! I'll probably never use it now, we're going to let the dog and a very big rug do the job insteadGrin(hopefully she won't want to borrow them!)

OP posts:
Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 05:36

Cauliflower you are right(and funny) I shall indeed become more snippy!

OP posts:
Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 05:42

Doomgloom excellent advice! She really is so cheeky!

Trifle possibly you could be as cheeky as her?! If someone(who regularly asked for things but refused you anything you asked) bought you new makeup for Christmas then text the next day text and said " hi, I'm going to need to borrow that makeup, my niece is coming to visit and she doesn't have any to wear" would you think that was ok?

OP posts:
IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 31/12/2016 08:22

Grin FeralBeryl

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