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AIBU?

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Original poster

my fucking mil....again!

127 replies

wtafloosingmymarbles · 30/12/2016 22:04

So, i posted the other day about my mil cutting in on all the big things and stamping all over special memories with my lo but showing no interest the rest of the time. This christmas she wrote my lo a letter from fc (again!) and bought the same gift as me - both things were given to my lo before mine were (as she turned up at the house unexpectedly in the morning rather than on the evening as agreed). It really upset me as lo us starting to 'get it' now and i want to do those things as his mum.

Before this she arranged (in march!) for our lo first visit to fc to take place the first weekend in december (a shitty hotel fc and not what we wanted at all - we didnt take lo to fc last year as lo was only 4 months old so this year was v.imp to me). She told oh it was for a family meal when he was distracted doing something so he agreed and then felt we couldnt back out. - who the fuck arranges these things nearly a year ahead?!!!!

Also, she then booked an all day event xmas eve (tricked oh into agreeing to that too!) - that we also had to pay for despite it not being what we wanted to do, miles away and ending late evening which fucked up our lo routine.

So, yesterday...YESTERDAY...(not even 2017 yet!.)..she announced she had booked a repeat of the shitty hotel fc visit for next year and its a family meal so we 'must' attend.

I am fucking fuming.

We have already agreed (me and oh) that we want to do a really special fc visit next year and i told mil this (to try to stop her taking over again). The calculating cow has done this deliberately as its the first weekend in dec again and now our lo will see some shitty fc in a hotel first rather than on the magical adventure we have planned.

If she writes a letter next year (oh is going to tell her not to) i will probably kill her.

So far, first outfit, first shoes(for christening!), first halloween outfit (presented july!), first family outing outfit, first fc letter (both fucking years!), first bloody everything.

Not interested the rest of the time but wants all the big, special moments for herself.

But arranging fc visits the YEAR PRIOR is, surely to god, taking the actual fucking piss!!

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 30/12/2016 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GiddyGiddyGoat · 30/12/2016 22:08

You can say 'No' you know. Just that - "No." Just because she has booked it - unasked and without your agreement - doesn't mean you have to say yes or go. Your dh needs to tell her very simply and firmly to stop all this shit.

MissMogwi · 30/12/2016 22:09

Nightmare. Just don't do it. You're adults and he's your baby - you can do whatever you want.

Just buy the outfits or whatever that you like and put them on your baby. Attend the events you want, say you're not going to those you don't. What can she actually do?

stiffstink · 30/12/2016 22:09

Just don't go. Job done.

DJBaggySmalls · 30/12/2016 22:09

You dont have to attend, and you dont have to pay. Stop going along with it and do your own thing.
She's not reasonable, so dont bother trying to discuss it. You say what you are going to do, and she can go along with you or not.

spankhurst · 30/12/2016 22:10

God, she sounds like a narc nightmare. Just put your foot down very hard and keep it there. Too bad if she's offended, she clearly doesn't care about your feelings.

Fevertree · 30/12/2016 22:10

Just don't go.

Mum2jenny · 30/12/2016 22:11

Don't go, no matter what bribes she tries to use. The word is ' no, not my scene and it's not happening' and enforce this at every opportunity.

WatchingFromTheWings · 30/12/2016 22:12

Make sure you're busy that weekend. In another town/country! I'd book a weekend away!

happy2bhomely · 30/12/2016 22:12

Why are you letting her do it? Because you are letting her. This isn't something out of your control.

Tell your DH to tell his mother it is not ok. If she doesn't listen, you tell her!

I just can't fathom this. You just say, oh no, we told you that we would be making other plans. Did you forget?

The halloween outfit...say thanks, then use your own.

What are you worried about? What do you think would happen if you just told her that whatever she had planned doesn't work for you?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/12/2016 22:12

Just Say No.

Seriously.

If she loses money over it, tough fucking shit.

Stop giving in to her controlling behaviour - this is how she "wins" because you feel you can't stop it once she's done it/paid for it.

Yes, You Can.

If she brings an easter egg, take it off the baby and hide it/eat it.
If she brings clothes for special events, take them and put them away/ give them to someone else.

You are enabling her shitty behaviour by accepting what she does - stop it immediately!

bloodymaria · 30/12/2016 22:12

Just don't go if you don't want to. Don't put your child in her outfits if you don't want to. Don't read them the santa letters if you don't want to. Let the stress go.

Original poster
wtafloosingmymarbles · 30/12/2016 22:12

She is so manipulative. She books things months (a year!) In advanve then 'drops' them into casual convo with my oh so its 'agreed'.

I have said no and the sulks....moods and tantrums..she make my oh feel like he just stabbed a kitten. Emotional manipulation at its worst!

OP posts:
amysmummy12345 · 30/12/2016 22:13

Yep think you're going to have to put your big girl pants on and tell her to do one!!

elvis86 · 30/12/2016 22:13

You and your OH need to grow a pair. You're adults and ultimately this woman can't make you do anything you don't want to.

Really get bored of people on here who come write an essay about others (usually MILs) repeatedly rail-roading them into plans, when it sounds as if they've stood like a nodding dog when actually in front of the instigator.

You're right, the meal is a year away. That's a whole year for you and OH to put on your big girl and boy pants and tell MIL that you don't fancy it again and will be making Santa visit plans yourselves.Wink

Original poster
wtafloosingmymarbles · 30/12/2016 22:14

She turns up and reads the letters without one word to us. Im sick of her butting in with our lo but oh is 'grateful' whenever she shows interest as other than this she is neglectful

OP posts:
PurpleMinionMummy · 30/12/2016 22:14

How could she book something that you had to pay for it? Just say no, we have other plans/have already arranged something/bought that. Please check with us first next time.

WonderMike · 30/12/2016 22:15

But you said she wanted you to play for this hugely inconvenient and unwanted trip on Christmas Eve? Why on earth did you pay? You do not have to agree. You did not have to go. What was she going to do - ground you?

wtafloosingmymarbles · 30/12/2016 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

youarenotkiddingme · 30/12/2016 22:16

Could you try a totally different tact of "oh MIl, that's wonderful you've booked. Shame we've already booked to be away that week eh? Probably best in future you ask us before making plans"

Toffeelatteplease · 30/12/2016 22:16

"Sorry that doesn't work for us"

But you oh has to actually be on board

CatsGoPurrrr · 30/12/2016 22:18

Wait, what?

Are you just here for a moan? As pp have said. Just. Say. No.

Yes, there may be a row etc, but you won't be paying or going, on trips you don't want to.

mamatiger2016 · 30/12/2016 22:18

Hoik your big girl pants up and tell her to FTFO

Yes, she makes your OH feel bad, that's how she gets her way. Ignore it, don't feed the mood swings, the digs etc. Your DS is YOUR baby so do what you want with him.

She didn't ask if you were free... tough, you already booked something. She buys something - we already bought that so you will have to take it back. Be strong and she will get the message.

Wheelerdeeler · 30/12/2016 22:20

If you say nothing now on that weekend tell her you have all been struck down with a bug

Arsenicinthesugarbowl · 30/12/2016 22:20

Have you name changed OP? This is the third thread I've seen with the same story and DH issues. Why don't you take some of the advice that's already been given if so?
If not I apologise but there's two very similar threads. Yes your MIL sounds like hard work so take control of the situation. Being angry won't help believe me I've been there! set your boundaries and stick to them. She won't like it but your life will be easier. Good luck.