my fucking mil....again!

[wtafloosingmymarbles]

So, i posted the other day about my mil cutting in on all the big things and stamping all over special memories with my lo but showing no interest the rest of the time. This christmas she wrote my lo a letter from fc (again!) and bought the same gift as me - both things were given to my lo before mine were (as she turned up at the house unexpectedly in the morning rather than on the evening as agreed). It really upset me as lo us starting to 'get it' now and i want to do those things as his mum.

Before this she arranged (in march!) for our lo first visit to fc to take place the first weekend in december (a shitty hotel fc and not what we wanted at all - we didnt take lo to fc last year as lo was only 4 months old so this year was v.imp to me). She told oh it was for a family meal when he was distracted doing something so he agreed and then felt we couldnt back out. - who the fuck arranges these things nearly a year ahead?!!!!

Also, she then booked an all day event xmas eve (tricked oh into agreeing to that too!) - that we also had to pay for despite it not being what we wanted to do, miles away and ending late evening which fucked up our lo routine.

So, yesterday...YESTERDAY...(not even 2017 yet!.)..she announced she had booked a repeat of the shitty hotel fc visit for next year and its a family meal so we 'must' attend.

I am fucking fuming.

We have already agreed (me and oh) that we want to do a really special fc visit next year and i told mil this (to try to stop her taking over again). The calculating cow has done this deliberately as its the first weekend in dec again and now our lo will see some shitty fc in a hotel first rather than on the magical adventure we have planned.

If she writes a letter next year (oh is going to tell her not to) i will probably kill her.

So far, first outfit, first shoes(for christening!), first halloween outfit (presented july!), first family outing outfit, first fc letter (both fucking years!), first bloody everything.

Not interested the rest of the time but wants all the big, special moments for herself.

But arranging fc visits the YEAR PRIOR is, surely to god, taking the actual fucking piss!!

*Some patronising wankers on here. Thanks but on here to see if iabu not for a lecture. My mil behaviour can not be normal!

Post an essay whinging and sling insults at other posters all you like - so long as you do naff all to actually tackle the situation in real life, you'll just carry on being walked all over by your MIL - none of the wankers here care either way..wink*

Exactly. But this obsession with "firsts"?? WTF?

First family outing outfit

You know that isn't even a thing, don't you?

Just don't put them in the clothes. Problem solved.

Do your big Father Christmas thing the last weekend in November. Problem solvedz

Get it sorted. Stop going along with it. You say no, you mean it and don't go. You refuse to let her bully you. Or come back next year about how she's ruined Christmas again, failing to see your part in this.

^^This. What's to lose?

Your son is what ... a year and a half old?

Weeks from now (far less a year down the line) he's not going to remember any of this, not the first shoes, not the halloween outfit, not the family outing outfit ( ), not even meeting Father Christmas!
So while I understand that it's irritating that your Mil has gone ahead and arranged things which you have specifically said 'no' to, you do sound rather frantic about a lot of things that will never be significant to your Ds.

Nip the competitive element of it all in the bud, by deciding in advance (though not years and years in advance) what she can and can't be involved in. For example, you might decide she can be involved in his next birthday party by choosing/giving the cake, but not in his next visit to Father Christmas, as he'll be older then and you and your OH will want to choose/organise that, separate to a wider family event.

Once you've decided, tell her, then stick to it. If you have been fair, there will be no need for your OH to feel "like he just stabbed a kitten", and if you stick to your decisions she will soon stop organising things against your wishes.

Oh dear.

Is there some reason you feel you can't say no? Does she provide you with a big allowance or something, or free housing?

It must be something pretty big to make all this upset worthwhile

Because her husband says he's already agreed so she has to go along with it. And so she does and bitches about her crazy MIL instead of addressing her husband's behaviour.

Why are you allowing her to behave this way?

Don't put your child in the outfits put her in the Ines you want, MIL can hardly frog march you, DH and child into changing the outfit to her choice

Don't go to the crap father xmas tell her you don't want to/have plans/have arranged another father xmas instead, again she can hardly frig march you to the crap father xmas.

Stop allowing her to control you and your family or if you are not going to do anything about it then don't complain.

What part of tell her NO are you not getting? Is your oh simply agreeing? If so, it's him you need to tackle, more than her. Just say NO, we aren't going. Are you obliged to go because she's funding your life or something? Just say NO! It's your child, every time she says 'I've arranged this' and you don't want to go, say NO!

I find your obsession with all these 'firsts' just as weird tbh. Do people really care about that stuff?

Regardless, you are the one letting it happen. Why? Makes me wonder what are you getting out of doing that? As has been said over and over in this thread, and others, say no. If you aren't going to say no, then it's on you and you will need to find a way to accept it.

Don't use her provisions unless you want to. Go away for christmas and don't tell her till last minute !

Your baby is 16 months old? He still won't get Christmas this year. When given things for my lo's firsts, I will not use them and use my own thing.
My mum books santa too, but it doesn't take away from when my oh and I take our 2 to see santa again. It's fun. Tell her to back off and use this word 'NO'

Having had a quick look at your other threads OP, I realise now that your dh is not going to be supportive and, in fact, is the one causing your difficulties.

It's going to be hard but you really need to get yourself away from him and try to build supportive relationships with friends that you can trust. Raising children with this man will just make them as miserable as you are.

Someone very helpfully provided some links for you which I am just going to copy here:

Signs of emotional abuse
Financial abuse
The Abuser Profiles

Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 (lines are open 24/7) and/or talk to your midwife.

Just say no.

Take DC to a different father Christmas this year and act like it's his "first" - it's not like he will remember being taken as a 1 year old.

I feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make the "first" everything special. But in the grand scheme of things, the "first family outing outfit" (what?) will be forgotten because DC will be obsessed with a Disney princess dress up outfit instead.

Buy her a cute cabbage patch doll.
Let her name it
And dress it.

And take it to see every santa in the fucking land.

But remind her your baby won't be going anywhere with her.

Job done.

I remember your thread about Christmas eve. It's fine to vent about her shitty behaviour but until you are prepared to tackle it it's not going to change.

These things are within your control. Say no. Deal with her tantrum. Treat it the same way you would deal with a child's tantrum. Stay calm, ignore it and don't feed any drama she may try create.

What is there to lose? If she's not in your lives other than the moments she arrives to take over and spoil it for you what are you afraid of?

You've already discussed next christmas with your DH, you already have plans. Tell her that.

Thanks to all posters of comments which are helpful not insulting x Agree, need to set firm boundaries. Hard to do as she is so spolit and manipulative but going to try!

You seem perfectly capable of effing and jeffing on here

So channel that against your mil.

And tbh I don't believe a Father Christmas will be bookable at this point for next year.

You still have a DH problem.

Tell him to tell her no. Tell him you're not going. Your child is not going. And she has to stop taking over. That he has to tell her to stop. Or your marriage isn't going to make it. He can go live with her if he wants to prioritize her and not upset her.

Just Say No.

MIL - I've booked a shitty FC for you!
You - really!? It's not even January! How odd. I'm going to take him to xxxx one though, thanks anyway.

^cut out and keep.

Ring and cancel it and don't tell her!

This really is a complete walk in the park.

Say no, mean it and call her out on the sulking

"We've done this thing before mil, we've decided we want to be different this year, so don't make assumptions or book anything, because it probably won't be happening"

Stop guving a shit about what she thinks, it's not her family any more.

This really is a complete walk in the park. Say no, mean it and call her out on the sulking "We've done this thing before mil, we've decided we want to be different this year, so don't make assumptions or book anything, because it probably won't be happening" Stop guving a shit about what she thinks, it's not her family any more.

Beautiful. I would add: 'Wht part of NO did you not understand last time?' Is your mil very bored in her life?

So far, first outfit, first shoes(for christening!), first halloween outfit (presented july!), first family outing outfit, first fc letter (both fucking years!), first bloody everything.

None of these count as special moments for me. Am I living in some parallel universe? I thought first word, first step, first tooth were important!

You can only be manipulated if you allow it to happen. Just say no. Thats not our plan. We have something else planned. No. Doesnt work for us. No. We have our own plans. We're busy. No. Etc etc etc.