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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents who shamelessly steal school uniform and coats

208 replies

lottieandmia · 29/12/2016 00:49

How widespread is this really? I'm in the midlands btw.

My children have been to a number of different schools and when my 13 year old dd started at a very expensive girls school (on a scholarship and bursary) where the parents are many of them rich (and I mean really rich), suddenly her stuff all started to go missing. She had her new pullover stolen and therefore didn't have one to wear because they were £30 each and I could only afford to buy one. Her new PE trousers lifted out of her kit bag as well as other pieces of kit that are all very expensive.

I got really sick of it as she would turn her back for half a minute and something would be gone. The children in her class would help themselves to her stationary without asking. And then a brand new very nice water bottle went missing. I emailed her teacher and asked if an email could be sent out to all the girls in her year and also parents to say that we would like it returned. Sure enough it turned up on a shelf, left no doubt by the anonymous thief who had been guilted into returning it. Dd2 is no longer at this school and the constant stealing (and it wasn't just us it happened to) was one reason why. She is now at a state school with far more students and so far nothing has been taken and no student touches her stuff.

Dd3 is starting a new school next week and I am now paranoid about stuff going missing. Hopefully my experience with above school is a one off but I have heard a lot on MN about uniform thieves who help themselves to stuff from lost property.

Sorry to go on about this but it is my pet hate. What makes people think this is an acceptable way to behave? If I write names with sharpie I feel as though I appear paranoid or mistrustful. I feel as though I shouldn't have to do this and a name label should suffice. Sad isn't it?

OP posts:
Fartleks · 29/12/2016 20:27

I'd say 2/3 of the stuff in lost property is unnamed or not clearly named.

1/3 is clearly named

Barbie222 · 29/12/2016 20:41

I'm with the pp who said to sharpie in an unusual place. Keep the sharpie blu tacked to yr ironing board and then you can top it up whenever you see it needs it as they do eventually wash off. I've seen lots of labels cut out of jumpers in all the schools I worked in, and afraid it was in the wealthiest area where it happened the most.

AMillionMilesFromThere · 29/12/2016 21:01

I once caught a mum looking for her daughter's brand new cardi (first week of term), check the label, saw that it had my daughhter's initials in black sharpie on the label, and slung it over her arm anyway ! Shock I had to tap her on the shoulder and ask for it back ! Grin

Mimisrevenge · 29/12/2016 21:15

My daughter has had this happen. She attends an indie and has had pinafores, shirts and an art apron go missing. Usually at £30 a pop. All uniform is labelled with sew in name tags.

What infuriates me is the conversation I had with one mother who replied: "oh I can't be bothered to check x uniform at the end of term so we probably have it." Grr.

My dd has Sen but we have taught her to put her things back in her kit bag. I'm not naive enough to think she always does it tho!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 29/12/2016 21:24

I'm sorry you've had that experience mothertrucker but that's one bastard of a generalisation right there!

I do agree with tatlerer though on the generalisation bit. Both my DCs are now in a 'posh' school for almost a year. Never had anything stolen.

In their last school they'd take the shirt off your back if you stood still long enough.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/12/2016 21:26

People would be fools think that stealing in schools doesn't happen. But there are many other possibilities that schools have to go through first.

I know of teachers that effectively have there own lost property box that is taken down to the official lost property box every Friday.

Because, how long do you keep stuff in your room before you send it down?

LockedOutOfMN · 29/12/2016 21:42

AwaywiththePixies27 "I did get mightily pissed off at DDs old school though when her brand new, name written on school issued cardigan went 'missing' from her tray." Why did you get "pissed off" with the school for that? Do you think a member of staff stole your daughter's cardigan?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 29/12/2016 21:50

LockedoutofMN No. I got pissed off because they told me to simply buy another one. If she'd had it a few months I'd have let it go. But having one blatantly nicked from her tray that hadn't even made it home once. No.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 29/12/2016 21:53

Of course I didn't think a member of staff stole her cardigan.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 29/12/2016 21:54

Indeed Boney. I'm wondering where DDs other shoe is going to show up! Probably in the bottom of the lost property box come summer! Grin

Original poster
lottieandmia · 29/12/2016 23:27

Well of course if something doesn't come home I would not immediately assume it was stolen but there are times when you just know it was in the end. Things do get mislaid, of course and private schools have large amounts of kit but what I encountered at the boarding school my dd went to was quite something else.

OP posts:
Wait4nothing · 30/12/2016 08:54

I think it's terrible when well labelled stuff isn't returned.
I teach primary and comment to the children everytime a jumper is found - 'oh look, this jumper is labelled and we can safely return it to so and so' 'gosh this isn't labelled - does anyone know whose it is before we put it in lost property' (cue children asking to smell it - weird creatures)
I'd say about 80% of uniform at our school ISN'T labelled! It's crazy!

Original poster
lottieandmia · 30/12/2016 09:11

There is no excuse for not labelling. I always triple label everything in case one of them falls out. I think if you don't label things then they are much more likely to go missing of course. However, it would seem that Sharpie pens are the way to go.

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 30/12/2016 10:14

Agreed lottie re my DDs cardigan. The reception staff handed me a sharpie and I labelled it there and then before sending her to class with it. She'd had a growth spurt during a half term and her usual one was too short for her.

But some people don't care anyway and keep stuff that they could easily take back if picked up by mistake.

IvorHughJarrs · 30/12/2016 10:53

My son went to a school where "losing things" was endemic, particularly from sports bags which all had to be left in an unsupervised area. DS's brand new rugby boots vanished from his bag before even being worn and were found after school, covered in mud, down the back of a radiator, yet the school refused to even speak to the group who had had rugby that afternoon.
Mothers would often add name tapes or pen marking in unseen places, like inside pockets or sleeve seams but it still persisted as the school refused to assist

I did ask the head why it was not possible to make a statement in assembly that taking someone else's stuff without their permission would be regarded as theft and not tolerated but, despite numerous complaints from individual parents and via the parent group he refused

Original poster
lottieandmia · 30/12/2016 11:14

Ivor - was this a private school by any chance? I just think they are scared of losing customers. At my daughter's school the wealthier parents would make donations to school on top of the school fees.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/12/2016 11:20

Smelling it isn't so weird - sometimes they recognise the combination of washing powder/fabric softener their parents use. I know when stuff comes back to our house that isn't ours because of the smell of it.

Wait4nothing · 30/12/2016 12:23

Thumb I understand why they smell it - it's 30 kids wanting to smell a sweaty jumper that is a bit gross 😂

kittykittykitty5 · 30/12/2016 12:37

My DCs lost some stuff but I have had quite a lot stolen and not only at schools.....

DD1 started her first ever day at school wearing brand new Clarks shoes, she came out at 31.5pm wearing a pair that were at least two sizes too big. Despite being named in pen the TA, teacher and head refused to do anything and the shoes were never seen again.

I once took my four DCs to an indoor play centre where you leave the shoes at the tillpoint and you get a numbered elastic band in return. Three hours later all four pairs have disappeared and I have to leave with all the children in socks and had to go emergency shoe shopping.

At CPs Eleveden (pre-fire) there was a huge buggy park outside the swimming pool area. I had a brand new (less than three months) 4 in 1 Mamas and Papas pram stolen. It was February so it had the carrycot on with bedding, cosytoes and the raincover on it. I had the classic chassis on it so the total purchase price had been iro £600. I had taken DD2 into the pool area in her car seat and the change bag. It was all I had left of it. Only one day into a three day weekend with four kids under five and no pram for a newborn, so not quite the relaxing weekend I had planned...

Again at CPs Elveden (pre-fire) we were playing indoor sandplay area in the old Country Club. I had four kids winter coats and their hats, scarves and gloves snatched in a room full of people whilst I did a toilet run and no one saw anything ....

MistressMaisie · 30/12/2016 12:59

I wonder if there was CCtv on the till. Perhaps you could have traced the thief. 4 pairs of shoes are a lot of money.

deckthehellswithballsofholly · 30/12/2016 13:26

I had a few bits of expensive school uniform go missing repeatedly.
I could tell who was doing it as well

The local embroidery place charges a pound an item to get my kids names embroidered in the collar in red thread.

Nothing has gone missing since.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 30/12/2016 13:31

Kitty - that's just awful. I have no idea how anyone can feel good about having something they did not pay for. Have people always been so morally bankrupt?

OP posts:
Original poster
lottieandmia · 30/12/2016 13:32

Can names be embroidered in a way that would mean to unpick it would deface the item so it couldn't be sold?

OP posts:
Rattusn · 30/12/2016 17:13

Ime the stealing is more likely the more expensive the uniform is to replace.

My dd's cheap primary uniform has never gone amiss. I never sharpie anything either, as I think it looks a bit paranoid, especially when the items are so cheap. If it's an issue then sharpie away though.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 30/12/2016 17:50

It does look paranoid - that's the thing, so I would feel silly doing it if stealing turns out not to be an issue in this school.

OP posts: