Parents who shamelessly steal school uniform and coats

[lottieandmia]

How widespread is this really? I'm in the midlands btw.

My children have been to a number of different schools and when my 13 year old dd started at a very expensive girls school (on a scholarship and bursary) where the parents are many of them rich (and I mean really rich), suddenly her stuff all started to go missing. She had her new pullover stolen and therefore didn't have one to wear because they were £30 each and I could only afford to buy one. Her new PE trousers lifted out of her kit bag as well as other pieces of kit that are all very expensive.

I got really sick of it as she would turn her back for half a minute and something would be gone. The children in her class would help themselves to her stationary without asking. And then a brand new very nice water bottle went missing. I emailed her teacher and asked if an email could be sent out to all the girls in her year and also parents to say that we would like it returned. Sure enough it turned up on a shelf, left no doubt by the anonymous thief who had been guilted into returning it. Dd2 is no longer at this school and the constant stealing (and it wasn't just us it happened to) was one reason why. She is now at a state school with far more students and so far nothing has been taken and no student touches her stuff.

Dd3 is starting a new school next week and I am now paranoid about stuff going missing. Hopefully my experience with above school is a one off but I have heard a lot on MN about uniform thieves who help themselves to stuff from lost property.

Sorry to go on about this but it is my pet hate. What makes people think this is an acceptable way to behave? If I write names with sharpie I feel as though I appear paranoid or mistrustful. I feel as though I shouldn't have to do this and a name label should suffice. Sad isn't it?

I can believe this actually. I went to a private school age 11-15, and a lot of the girls had sticky fingers. For sixth form I chose a nearby grammar school, and there was far less stealing. My theory is that kids of well-off parents don't value items as much, and genuinely don't see the problem with "borrowing" and then forgetting to give back - I could be wrong though!

I had my favourite fountain pen engraved with my initial and when I saw my friend using it (about a week after it went missing), she swore blind it was a manufacturer's mark!

My parents didn't believe me half the time (worra's theory!) but I swear it wasn't carelessness on my part.

Engraving watches (costs pennies for an initial at a corner jewellery shop) and marking things with huge letters and (don't bother with sew-in labels, they'll just be removed) helps if you find DD in this situation in future.

Fartleks I dont think they have come off anything, even the mess tin which goes through the dishwasher!

My DSS went to private school and I spent hours sewing on labels and sharpiing ? Kids lose their PE kit and take someone else's. It's part of school life. Sorry!

It sounds very much like the rich stealing from the poor and almost Robin Hood in reverse. The problem is that the rich have always stolen from the poor and that is why they are rich and the poor are poor. The lesson here is that if you want to be rich, you must start stealing from the poor. Having said that it is completely disgraceful and you really do have my sympathy.

I also recommend those Stikins labels, but the crucial thing is to put in multiple labels. I've had a few things returned to me with the main label removed and a child's name scrawled on the fabric that was sufficiently unlikely for friends sorting lost property to check the pockets and other labels, find my DC's name and return.

After the first expensive school jacket went missing I don't care if it's embarrassing, anything expensive also gets our surname written in sharpie in inch high letters across the inside of the collar. I made an exception at secondary school for fear of embrassassent. Tracksuit jacket went missing very quickly so no more exceptions!

Happened at my Ds private nursery. My son's hat was found in the car park and they put it in the property box. I went to look later that day and clearly some parent had taken it as kids don't have access to it. I label and hidden label everything now.

There was an amazing story from one of the local fancy private schools involving a £100 school coat. Child's missing new coat was retrieved by the mother who went the other coats in the cloakroom- the parent who had removed a name tape and replaced it with their own child's had not noticed the second name tapisewn into the pocket flap. Local gossip doesn't record how sticky finger parent got out of it or if she moved to Dundee

Sharpie right across the inside back of the coat and inside sleeve lining and pockets. Same for cardigans, shirts and pe tops inside of collar and across the back if not see through. Since I hav been doing this (years) the only thing gone missing has been a brand new coat which didn't make it home from the first wearing. Still angry about that. I even sharpie ties in inch high letters down the back. Tis the only way.

or if she moved to Dundee

I've no conscious experience of stuff being stolen...and I know from experience if you have lots of uniform it is easy not to realise you have acquired something that isn't your DCs.
DD lost things at Secondary that we never got back -but she was terrible at remembering to look in lost property (she also has ADHD - so good at losing things and forgetting things).

At one point I found the sole jumper she had left (out of 4 I'd bought -and I'd bought cardigans too) and had been wearing was actually someone else's - realised when I was checking that her name label was still legible! I was very tempted to keep it...seeing as I had lost so many.... but I didn't. But could understand why someone would.
Also I've been guilty of accidentally stealing a cardigan (actually 2) at primary school. Just supermarket type ones. I don't check the labels -only when I am replacing things/checking sizes. One I found was someone else's but was still new and that child had acquired something belonging to my child that was returned (had pegs next to each other) so I could return it without embarrassment. The other cardi I have no idea how long I had had it -it was labelled with the previous year ...and it was worn out. I apologised to the mum and returned it - she said she hadn't even realised it was missing and not to worry.

Maybe super rich people are worse because they don't need to worry about the cost of replacing things ...so don't bother keeping check of even expensive jumpers/cardigans.

My friend was picking up her daughter from nursery. They were in the big changing room changing their children's indoor shoes for their everyday shoes and she couldn't find her daughter's brand new Converse (name inside clearly). She asked the room if anyone could see them and was met with shaking heads and offers to look. Then she noticed a mum on her way out with them under her coat! The mum claimed that she thought they were her son's. An obvious lie as of course, he was wearing the shoes he had come in that morning. Some people really are that cheeky. My kids stuff are marked in multiple places and no expensive items go to school now.

If things go missing, they are not being taken care of. "Only took my eyes off it for a minute" is laughable. As if someone was standing watching, waiting for her to turn her back so they could swipe a pair of PE trousers. 🙄

The rule is quite simple, it's your stuff, you take care of it. If you lose it, you replace it. If there is a widespread issue about stealing in that school, then you need to be more careful and retake better care.

At my DS school his Yr5 class have a regular email chain amongst parents for lost items. It is very effective.

At my DDs school the lost property cupboard was a complete mess, making it impossible to find anything. With the Head's permission I bought boxes for different items, footwear, coats & blazers etc, and sorted through it all. There was loads of named stuff that had never been claimed, so these all went back to the respective children via the school secretary. I would do a sort through about twice a year and was always a amazed by the amount of unnamed stuff it named stuff that hadn't been claimed.

If it hadn't been for my efforts, the school really didn't give a toss about lost property. It was a prep school and it was very clear that the attitude was if you can afford the fees then buying uniform shouldn't be a problem .

I never knew this was a thing until another mum told me that other parents do this! I was completely . I also think it's scary to think these people are raising dc and yet are lacking a moral compass.

Also to add:

Him: I picked up DD's jacket/bag/jumper....
Me: That's not hers.

..could well explain why you've seen people lifting jackets off pegs.

OriginalFool that is rubbish. Dd was in a computer lesson, she put her jumper on the back of her chair and while she was up asking the teacher something, it was swiped. Teachers at the school saw other children opening her bag and taking stuff out - they spoke to them all about how unacceptable this is. In the case of the water bottle, it was taken out of the side pocket of her school bag (the ones which are designed to keep the bottle in)

Sometimes kids can be careless but this was entirely something else. And if my dd is just a careless child who leaves her stuff lying around why has she not lost even one item of clothing at her new school? Victim blaming annoys me.

Schools certainly have some responsibility for this too. At my son's high school, pupils are not allowed to take their bags into the dining hall. They have to leave them in an unlocked form room or in the yard, unattended. Would staff like to leave their handbags unattended? My son's bag on a PE day contains items of more value than my everyday bag. Give them lockers! Even though some probably won't use them if the location is inconvenient in the charge for the lunch queue, at least they can assume some responsibility for their possessions. The argument at our local school is that there is no space for lockers where too many pupils crammed into a school built to accommodate far fewer, but that's an entirely different kettle of fish.

Your dds school sounds a bit weird tbh, why did you choose it?

I agree with the others about Sharpie. It's the key. And huge iron on name tags as people can unpick sew in ones.

Bonhomie - yes that was what happened when my dd's water bottle - the girls all had to put their bags in an unattended room during lunch and when she got back it was gone.

In a school where there are only 20 students in a year, it's not acceptable that you just have to 'take better care' to compensate for thieves. If people want to steal, they will find a way.

Apologies I see your dd has moved schools.

She's not there any more Cirrus. And at the new school she still has everything she started with funnily enough.

When my dd moved to state school she had far,far less bits of uniform and didn't move around as much. Dd2s independent is boarding and huge, so things do get left around more easily

DD list stuff in state primary, then had thought stuff was stolen at private high school. In actual fact she has been misplacing more stuff because her schedule is more complicated and she is expected to take more responsibility. Most of the missing books/clothes turn up in the end.

There is bound to be some steeling, but the vast majority is just kids losing stuff and being paranoid.

Stealing is wrong, of course but I don't think there is a whole generation of Oliver twists being primed by parents and school to steal jumpers and hockey sticks. Kids lose things, it's part of life. Kids tell fibs about losing things to protect themselves. In our kids school the sports pavilion was a good 3/4 mile walk from the boarding house or main school. If the forgot something it was a long way back and the timetable was filled from 7am until 10pm with very limited time for retrieval. In reverse, if they arrived without kit, kids grabbed things from lost property and often kept it. Just part and parcel of life for them and never seen as a big deal.
The girls, in particular, also shared non uniform clothes a lot. My daughters often arrived home in very high end clothes accompanied by owner of Max Mara item who was wearing jumper fromTopShop belonging to daughter. They lived together at school and were like family so shared like family.