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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To actually be crying because Carrie Fisher passed away?

203 replies

OfaFrenchmind2 · 27/12/2016 18:33

And not really be ashamed of it? I grew up on Princess Leia busting every body's balls and I really loved Carrie herself, and her being so candid and actually funny and clever.

OP posts:
Lilacpink40 · 27/12/2016 21:21

I felt sad when I heard the news. I sent a message to a friend about it and then felt better.

You deal with your sadness how you want to and if that means crying then do it without analysing yourself.

Others couldn't care less, and that's fine too. You will hear about it by posting in AIBU though.

Sloper · 27/12/2016 21:23

You will hear about it by posting in AIBU though.

This is true Smile

zukiecat · 27/12/2016 21:24

I must admit I don't know anything about Carrie Fisher, I hate anything Star Wars related and I'm not familiar with any of her other work

However, it is sad that she has died at a relatively young age

I was more saddened by hearing on the same news programme that Liz Smith died on Saturday Sad

lilyb84 · 27/12/2016 21:25

Everyone has different levels of emotions and ways of expressing those emotions. Some people are quicker to cry than others. My mum would sit and cry at adverts (and I'd laugh at her - now embarrassingly do the same). I don't think it's unreasonable to have an emotional response to something, and you can't really judge someone on the level of that emotion can you, given that it's entirely subjective?

I think a pp said something about how we've reached a bit of grief fatigue since the death of Princess Diana. I personally find very public displays of grief-by-association - when people will hang around outside someone's home or try to get their sad face in the news etc etc - very distasteful and think that's taking things to a whole new level which IS unreasonable (although probably says a lot about those people's mental and emotional health so I try not to judge). You get that happening after high profile murder cases as well. But some posters on here seem to be equating a small personal and private outpouring of emotion with those public displays. So you don't cry over a celebrity's death? Fine and dandy! But it's not unreasonable that someone else does.

Grief is surely only ever really about the person doing the grieving - you might be sad that someone has missed out on the rest of their potential life but usually your emotions stem from the gap left in your own life, or empathy for the deceased's family. So grieving by its very nature is a selfish process and entirely natural as it helps us come to terms with our own place in the world.

wannabestressfree · 27/12/2016 21:29

I just feel very sad. We watched Star Wars tonight and she had a bit part again in the new one. I feel as sad as I did when Victoria wood passed..... no rhyme or reason. I just feel sad.

ImNotReallyReal · 27/12/2016 21:31

I'm Bipolar, I read that Carrie was too, it made me like her even more. It upsets me but at least it wasn't an SU. I've lost two Bipolar friends to SU this year, that made me cry. She spoke out on our behalf and left a great legacy, I'm going to read Postcards tonight in bed and think she was lovely, eccentric and damn good egg.

To be in tears, no, I'm not. She was a celebrity, I liked her a lot but I didn't know her and she didn't know me. But if you feel sad then have a good cry, no harm in it. Emotions are personal, better to cry than show a stuff upper lip.

I can't shed a tear over someone I didn't know, I'm sad for sure but I'll leave the tears to her family and friends. RIP lovely lady.

Madshiplollipop · 27/12/2016 21:34

All cried out from losing my mum and a beloved cousin this year. I really liked and admired Carrie Fisher, but cry? No.

Redsrule · 27/12/2016 21:39

I am far more upset that this is the first Christmas without my mother and uncle. All over the world people are grieving for real loss. I personally find it quite offensive that people are comparing the death of a celebrity with real grief. OP YABU.

BishopBrennansArse · 27/12/2016 21:43

Oh and if you want to actually watch postcards both sky and prime video are now charging for it Angry

therealpippi · 27/12/2016 21:43

I cried when my father died. Not much though. I think I bottled it up. Then Bowie died and I cried buckets. I liked Bowie even I was surprised but my own reaction. Maybe I was crying for my dad, maybe I was crying for the links I felt between DB and my dad, maybe I was crying for my youth, maybe I was crying for his son because now I knew his pain, maybe I was crying for the man whose life was taken before he wanted to go, maybe I was crying because when I saw the lazarus video I felt his fear of death and knew my dad felt that too.

It is not a mere crying for a celebrity. It is a stirring of emotions that are buried inside.

I have not cried for any other celeb before or since.

Those who don't cry may have valid reasons not to do so, but they can have the grace to leave the rest in peace to do and feel what they like.

ghostyslovesheets · 27/12/2016 21:51

I find it more offensive that people need to tell people off for feeling something

I am sad - I loved her as an actress but even more as an author

Some one who made me laugh won't write anything new - I'm allowed to mourn that

shakeatailfeather · 27/12/2016 22:03

There are no limits on whose death affects us or how or why. Some people on this thread might want to remember this.

I had never been one for crying over famous people. EG when Diana died I felt very sorry for William and Harry having lost her but that was about it. My mum was very upset and I didn't get it. But in 2009 when Stephen Gately died I was the one in tears. I had lost my mum 3 months earlier and had seen Boyzone in their revival shows just a few months before that. It was the timing/circumstances, the shock and his age (only 1 year older than me). I can remember it like it was yesterday. Robin Williams was another I cried for. He was the Genie and Mork and formed a huge part of my growing up. His private struggles at odds with his image made me feel hugely sad. Terry Pratchett I cried for, having lost my dad a few months earlier and knowing how upset DH would be.

This year Caroline Ahearne's death made me cry, partly due to her age and how much she had suffered but it was also what was happening in our family at the time. I was surprised at myself not crying at Victoria Wood's death, which came as a huge shock, and she was a massive part of my upbringing. I was very sad though at George Michael's death too.

therealpippi · 27/12/2016 22:08

Shake you said so mich better than I did.

sj257 · 27/12/2016 22:11

I think people have a right to be sad if someone's music/work has been a big part of their life. I was gutted when Stephen Gately died as I loved Boyzone when I was younger. I'm sad about George Michael and Carrie Fisher but they are a bit before my time so it didn't have the same effect on me.

I can't understand people going to their houses etc to lay flowers.

BoneyBackJefferson · 27/12/2016 22:15

JessCress

That would be that empathy thing that your having problems with.

Blacksox · 27/12/2016 22:17

I think the people going to lay flowers are 'grief tourists'. Very ghoulish.

pippinchipeater · 27/12/2016 22:32

I find it more offensive that people need to tell people off for feeling something

This. You can't help how you feel, feelings are not always rational, I never thought I'd cry over a celeb death but cried when Amy winehouse died, I was so much sadder than I thought I'd be. I wouldn't call it grief, but that doesn't mean what I felt wasn't true sadness.

wannabestressfree · 27/12/2016 22:42

I don't wish to upset anyone by saying this and it is personal to me but I feel upset because of the nature of how she died. The being frightened on the plane and without the people she loved.knowing what was happening.
I am really sensitive to stuff like this as I have been in that situation and am about to have surgery on two tumours (one is five stone and compromising my lungs) and it's bloody frightening.
I don't want to die. I don't feel ready. I have children and am not yet 40.
I have cried and felt sadness this year for the 'taken to soon', the young and the suddens. It's such a personal thing. It comes from my fear.
Sorry again if I have upset anyone x

dementedma · 27/12/2016 22:44

In all of this, please remember a non-Celebrity lady. Let's just call her May, for that was her name. You wont know her, she was a friend of my mother's. Diagnosed in November with a week to live,she defied all medical expectation. She gathered all her friends to her bedside for much laughter and swearing and defiant fist shaking at the the Gods and the injustice of it all. She died on Christmas Eve in her husband's arms. RIP May.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 27/12/2016 23:09

I think shake has it

Thanks for everyone who has lost anyone they loved

stonecircle · 27/12/2016 23:24

Having lost my mum and fil six months ago and my dad in recent years, I like to.keep my grief for the real people I loved. The mawkish 'crying real tears here' approach to the death of a celebrity leaves me cold.

OK I was very very sad when Terry Wogan died. He was just like my dad and clearly a lovely man. But I can't weep over the death of someone I'd never actually met Hmm

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 27/12/2016 23:43

But I can't weep over the death of someone I'd never actually met hmm

Fair enough. But some people can. And they might find it equally Hmm that someone could sit completely dry eyed through countless images and footage of say, child victims in Yemen and Syria simply because they'd "never actually met them."

ImNotReallyReal · 28/12/2016 00:22

Y'know people die all the time. When my close friend went home after a day's work in May and committed suicide at 36 you fucking feel it. When my other friend (on this board) did the same at 34 I was in bits. Why? You could have called and I would have been there. My feelings are valid.

But that doesn't make anyone else feeling sad about a celeb dying any less valid to me. We can suppress grief and it comes out later. Death can effect people in different ways. Sometimes many years down the line.

Please go easy people. I'm not for the tourist grief bullshit. Turning up on the doorstep of a celeb and sobbing is just weird to me. It's not grief about a celeb, it's their own personal issues (just saying) so be it. If that is their thing.

Most of us have loved and lost. These things can be triggering. I lost most of my immediate family before I was 16. I don't feel any more or less sad for people who feel real grief at another person passing, immediate family or someone associated with memories. Grief can take many forms, including a delayed feeling.

My mam took me to watch Star Wars at the Odeon in Newcastle. Carrie Fishers passing stirred some long gone feelings for me. I've not cried, but it's brought some memories that are very real and if I wanted too, I'm sure I could relate them back and cry right now.

Don't be harsh folks, you never know what stirs up feelings in others. To all of you have lost someone close, or just even lost those who made memories Flowers

JessCress · 28/12/2016 01:12

Boney you want me to be empathetic to fictional scenarios you just invented? Getting odder.

SantaPleaseBringMeEwanMcGregor · 28/12/2016 01:56

YANBU. My heart is broken, too. :(