Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

AIBU?

To not want to be ravenously hungry at Christmas?

275 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 26/12/2016 11:29

Staying with DH's family who are a bit weird about food.

We had a one-course Christmas lunch yesterday about 3pm, after which everyone declared themselves too stuffed to contemplate pudding.

It is now 11:30am the next morning and not a mince pie crumb, not a chocolate matchstick has been available for consumption since. There has been some vague talk about breakfast which has been on-going for hours with nothing whatsoever being done about it.

I am so hungry right now I am shaking.

To make matters worse we've just watched Bake Off like some form of torture.

OP posts:

Report

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 26/12/2016 20:25

Different plans required for next year, OP. Your PILs are just rude.

As for the invitation to help yourself to anything, I never take a host up on that. Just too familiar rooting through their cupboards and fridge.

LottieDoubtie · 26/12/2016 20:34

Your DH ate bacon and eggs? Knowing you were upstairs and hungry and didn't make sure you were saved any? And then came upstairs eating (his own) piece of toast and kindly let you have a quarter of it?

He's as odd as your inlaws OP. Poor you.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2016 20:57

I thought your DH came down with a bug that meant he was no use to you?

Yet he was well enough to go and grab himself a slice of toast and still not bother about the fact you hadn't eaten?

Sorry but I think you're all fairly strange here.

scottishdiem · 26/12/2016 21:03

Why do you even go there if this has happened more than enough times for you to think about emergency ration packs.

Why do people do things at Christmas that make themselves unhappy?

Backingvocals · 26/12/2016 21:09

It's like this at DF's house. I would no sooner make myself a piece of toast in DSM's kitchen than I would run through town starkers. There wouldn't be any bread anyway. There's a complete exclusion zone around the kitchen and no food gets eaten without a lengthy sermon about how little they've eaten today and how well my (thin and in his 70s) DF is doing on the 5:2. It's been like this for four decades.

Some people exert massive control over other people around food. It's hard to explain unless you've experienced it. I hide snacks in my suitcase.

DinosaursRoar · 26/12/2016 21:09

Agree it sounds like your DH is as odd about food as his parents.

Words need to be had.

Lynnm63 · 26/12/2016 21:14

If my dh had eaten breakfast when I was starving hungry without calling me he'd be missing his knackers by now. Your pils are weird but your dh is a cunt.

Rioja123 · 26/12/2016 21:17

Sorry but your DH should be looking after you at the in laws and making sure you are fed!!

Mehfruittea · 26/12/2016 21:32

OMG is this me? I don't have a big appetite but try to buy loads of food for others. I don't cook it...but assume they will help themselves or say if they are hungry. Won't they?? I'm disabled so really can't buzz around being busy just in case someone needs something, relatives who know me well would at least say, surely? (Cue insecure prepping of sausages for breakfast tomorrow...)

Bumbleclat · 26/12/2016 21:35

scottishdiem it's a disease I and most women have had but I've since overcome its called people pleasing.
I love my family but hate visiting overnight so I just don't. Simple.

NicknameUsed · 26/12/2016 21:46

"Why do you even go there if this has happened more than enough times for you to think about emergency ration packs.
Why do people do things at Christmas that make themselves unhappy?"

This ^^

Stay at home next year

Gallavich · 26/12/2016 21:49

Why didn't your husband get you some breakfast sorted?

ethelb · 26/12/2016 21:57

All the people on here asking why OP didn't get up and het herself something, lucky lucky you.

My ILs are like this and as other posters have pointed out it is due to a combination of:

There being no food. One boxing day at ILs we had toast for two meals. And then ran out of toast. There was no other food.
Weird fatism. I had to turn off that gadget man programme with Rebel Wilson yesterday to avoid huffy comments about fat women. Similarly, me and DH both kept to distract PILs in the pub at lunch tine when a large lady walked in wearing a sparkly dress so they didn't see her and make rude comments. It really is that bad.
They make a competitive sport out of not serving food. Particularly in the morning. FIL once managed to take an hour to cut up and serve a mango for breakfast. Seriously.

Or they cook it and announce that it is actually to have for breakfast cold tomorrow.
Or They snatch food off your plate seconds after serving it, claiming there is something 'wrong' with it.

So lucky, lucky you, to all the posters asking why OP didn't just get herself something to eat.

NicknameUsed · 26/12/2016 22:01

ethelb In that case I think I would have just packed and gone home.

MIl has alzheimers and hardly keeps any food in the house these days, so we always visit with a boot load of food.

Do you still visit them?

Incidentally, my sister is very overweight, but I wouldn't dream of not feeding her. I am not her keeper.

Crispsheets · 26/12/2016 22:02

Just don't go.
Why do adults do things which are bloody miserable? Say no next year. Stay at home . Leave the miserable relatives on their own.

ethelb · 26/12/2016 22:10

Nickname used? Which incident?

Disclaimer: I was coerced into the Christnas stay that resulted in the toast incident. It resulted in couples therapy within a couple of weeks.

I am now able to just bring my own food and eat it but it has taken two years of intensive personal therapy. Not something everyone has the option to do.

They are still weird. They tried to stop me ordering a smoked salmon sandwich at a pub as I might want one later. They ordered beef sandwiches while talking about how they were going to have another one that evening. Cunts.

beeny · 26/12/2016 22:16

My mother in law has eaten lots at mine. I went there and she gave me some salad and a slice of pizza and said to my Dh we don't eat much!

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2016 22:27

So lucky, lucky you, to all the posters asking why OP didn't just get herself something to eat.

That doesn't make sense. Why do you have to be lucky in order to ask a question?

There may be many answers to why the OP didn't get herself something to eat, that have absolutely nothing to do with your experience ethel.

I still can't believe that for the second year in a row, the OP's DH didn't at least make her something to eat.

NicknameUsed · 26/12/2016 22:37

All of them ethelb. I wouldn't be at all concerned that they might think I was being rude because the in-laws were being extremely rude and inhospitable in the first place. Could you not stay at a B and B or hotel next time you visit instead?

I have a teenager who is hungry all the time, and there is no way I would put up with staying with someone who won't feed us.

LotsOfShoes · 26/12/2016 22:56

So why did your DH not call you when food was served? Everything in this post is weird and dysfunctional. A grown man not asking for food in his own home? Everyone having breakfast while one of the guests is upstairs? The only explanation I can think of is you went upstairs in a huff so they decided not to bother with you?!

NicknameUsed · 26/12/2016 23:04

"Everything in this post is weird and dysfunctional."

Exactly. MN is full of dysfunctional families this Christmas, and people who enable their behaviour.

SabineUndine · 26/12/2016 23:18

I stayed with friends a few years ago, who stayed in bed till noon. I was awake at 7am. About 10am I made myself coffee and toast. This caused raised eyebrows but as far as I'm concerned it's the hosts job to ensure guests get fed and watered 3x a day. OP I would just say 'any chance of some toast?'

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

ThisThingCalledLife · 26/12/2016 23:38

OP, your dh needs to nip this in the bud before you drag any dc into this dysfunction.

Normally it would be rude to ask for food if you're the guest.....but this is 'close' family!
Why do you go there each year if this is how they are?

Invite them to yours - and ply them with second and third helpings!

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 26/12/2016 23:58

Yay for your dh being on your side! Or am i lying? He's a thoughtless cunt isn't he?

Bubbinsmakesthree · 26/12/2016 23:59

Sorry long delays between posting, very patchy reception in the sticks!

In answer to why DH didn't get me anything - poor thing was still rather ill, hadn't eaten anything in 24hrs, and was returning to bed / tipping me off to get downstairs to get something to eat. I snatched a bit of his toast before I went to find more.

And as to why we don't just help ourselves:

-it's not DH's parents, it's other members of extended family, so not quite the same as it being 'his home'

-we're frankly both just a bit 'British' about it, which is stupid I agree. I feel a awkward pointing out that they are neglecting to feed us (although at times in the past it has had to be done!)

-there's often not anything 'normal' around to eat to make it easy to help ourselves.

And why we bother staying with them - they're family and lovely other than the food situation! But I have grand plans to host Christmas next year and have a constant supply of mince pies, sausage rolls
and quality street!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.