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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to be ravenously hungry at Christmas?

275 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 26/12/2016 11:29

Staying with DH's family who are a bit weird about food.

We had a one-course Christmas lunch yesterday about 3pm, after which everyone declared themselves too stuffed to contemplate pudding.

It is now 11:30am the next morning and not a mince pie crumb, not a chocolate matchstick has been available for consumption since. There has been some vague talk about breakfast which has been on-going for hours with nothing whatsoever being done about it.

I am so hungry right now I am shaking.

To make matters worse we've just watched Bake Off like some form of torture.

OP posts:

KitKats28 · 26/12/2016 13:28

My kids refuse to go to my PILs for Christmas any more due to lack of food. We have a roast lunch on Christmas Day and then there is a big box on the side with crisps and sweets, a fridge full of cheese and pate, and loads of leftovers. People can eat what they want, when they want, as long as they get it themselves.

At my PILs, everything is restricted to certain times, and you can't just slob on the sofa with Quality Street and Pringles. You can't even have a bloody drink if it's not the right time 🙄. The last time we stayed for Christmas was about five years ago. Never again. I don't understand why people keep putting up with shit Christmases. Vote with your feet, the world will not end.

NicknameUsed · 26/12/2016 13:37

"If you don't want breakfast at their house, go out for breakfast"

Where we live there isn't anywhere that serves breakfast on Boxing Day. Not everyone lives in London.

OP - Why do you wait to be offered food? Why can't you ask if you can help yourself to toast/cereal for breakfast?

Oh, and we only have one course for Christmas lunch because we can't manage anything else. But we love the meal and there is plenty of food.

I would never do this to my guests. I probably have too much food in when we have people staying as I would hate for anyone to go hungry.

HemanOrSheRa · 26/12/2016 13:42

Mmmmm. Pork pie. And cheesecake. I could go for that right now Momma . Once I've finished my Boxing Day Baguette.

Poor OP . I hope she's not fainted orf with hunger.

LemonyFresh · 26/12/2016 13:46

This makes no sense to me. Why can't you just make something yourself or just say 'oh I'm starving, do you mind if I make some toast/cereal etc'

Or just nip to the shops or nearest cafe!

Lynnm63 · 26/12/2016 13:50

I might get caught out once but the next year I'd have packed emergency rations. When I host I tend to offer food and drink several times an hour.

Lilaclily · 26/12/2016 13:50

My in laws are the other way round, full breakfast at 8, massive roast at 12 , then at 3 start offering tea and biscuits and at 5 ' oh come and sit down ' to a full buffet tea complete with Iceland prawn ring

I literally go home and don't eat for a few days , I feel so lethargic and stuffed , also need a laxative

Lilaclily · 26/12/2016 13:51

Although at least your way there's no need for a new year diet

MargaretCavendish · 26/12/2016 13:53

They're odd but, I can't get my head around the fact that at a grown adult who is hungry hasn't asked for anything

Well, in my case I don't ask for more food because:
A) I was brought up to believe that it was very rude to ask for food as a guest. That obviously isn't everyone's rules and that's fine, but I'd be very embarrassed.
B) I can't really bear them talking about how little they eat and how morally superior that makes them, especially as I know mother-in-law thinks I'm too fat anyway. The whole conversation makes me miserable, I find it hard not to be a bit sarky and then I'll upset them and feel really guilty. Frankly I'd rather be hungry.
C) There isn't any food anyway! The fridge is permanently near empty and so are the cupboards. There are no snacks, and leftovers seem to get frozen immediately. If I asked for food that they weren't planning to supply it would have to come from a future meal - and surely demanding your host's dinner is rude in anyone's book?

formerbabe · 26/12/2016 13:54

I was brought up to believe that it was very rude to ask for food as a guest.

Me too...I thought most people are like this. I expect to be offered. I'm very uncomfortable asking for food unless it's a close relative.

lubeybooby · 26/12/2016 13:58

MargaretCavendish no, it's far ruder to starve your guests. If any of mine were left hungry I'd be mortified

Gingernaut · 26/12/2016 13:58

I have this image in my head of a fight for the single slice of toast, Lord of the Flies style.

She fought well and got a whole quarter slice of toast. Kudos brave warrior.

MsGameandWatch · 26/12/2016 13:59

It's a sad fact of my life that no household I have ever stayed in apart from my Mum and Sister's ever have enough food of the right kind to satisfy me. Thank goodness we've got each other!

madein1995 · 26/12/2016 14:05

I agree I'd try not to ask for food - I'm very shy and wouldn't ask. That said if nothing's been forthcoming, say 'I'm having a cup of tea anyone want one?' thus volunteering for tea duty and giving you a chance to rummage for biscuits. Or suggest opening the quality street? It really is the height of bad manners not offering guests enough food or drink mind!

madein1995 · 26/12/2016 14:11

Although my mum's family in Germany was similar - it was their culture. In their area, it was the norm to have a big breakfast then last out until 11pm for a big evening meal. Even the restaurants didn't open outside that time (not a touristy area). My mum and dad just made do and drank lots of tea/coffee (definitely wouldn't have asked for food) and sometimes had a burger/hot dog from a van. Poor dad is said to have found it harder as at least mam had been used to it when visiting growing up. They'd take me to the park and buy me a hot dog/german sausages/similar and as I'd get older mam would take batchelors packet pastas in her suitcase to feed me with at lunch time - in her words, the adults could cope but children can't which is sort of true. Do you have children with you OP?

NavyandWhite · 26/12/2016 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2016 14:15

It's one thing being too shy to ask your inlaws for food

It's quite another being too shy to ask your own parents for food, or just help yourself - which appears to be what happened last year, when they went out 'for a walk' on Boxing Day and went to the corner shop to scavenge something edible

It sounds to me like everyone in this scenario is weird about food.

NavyandWhite · 26/12/2016 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerylPeril · 26/12/2016 14:25

I'd pop out for something I needed desperately and find something open and have something proper to eat. You got access to a car?
Pretend you need underwear, sanitary products, medicine?

I regularly used to pop out from MILs past Greggs.
She also believed that no one should be hungry if she wasn't - but also I should be hungry when she was (supper etc) and tried to force me to eat them
Frankly it's boring and not good hosting - in my MIL case it was also to be mean as she didn't like visitors (beyond DH).

YorkiesGlasses · 26/12/2016 14:44

Did they literally portion out one slice of toast?!

DinosaursRoar · 26/12/2016 15:21

See, I wouldn't say as DIL you are a 'proper guest' - you are family now - even if you are embarrassed to ask for food, can't your DH do it as it's his parents or was he not allowed to say he was hungry or help himself to food as a child?

It all sounds so akward and formal - like you are staying with strangers, not your/your DH's close family.

(Although we were at PIL yesterday and had opposite issue - they don't eat much themselves but still have the mentality of feeding teenage boys, both DH and DBIL don't need that much food anymore and MIL has never been able to accept that me and SIL really can't eat as much as her boys did as teens/early 20's, so makes mountains of food, I look 4 months pregnant this morning after stuffing myself to stop her feeling offended noone was eating all her homemade creations )

MidnightHag · 26/12/2016 15:37

What happened to the other 3/4 of the piece of toast?

Original poster

Bubbinsmakesthree · 26/12/2016 18:56

Sorry for leaving the mystery of 1/4 slice of toast hanging!

I'd gone upstairs to get washed and dressed having given up the breakfast that had been promised for the preceding two hours (and have a little rant on mumsnet). DH then appeared with a slice of toast, I ate a quarter.

Then went downstairs to discover everyone had eaten scrambled eggs and bacon in my absence and left me a cold slice of toast

Fortunately we were going to visit friends at lunchtime who took pity on me and I was stuffed to the gills with about half an hour

OP posts:

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 26/12/2016 19:14

Total bell ends to eat breakfast and leave none for you.

Bobsmum02 · 26/12/2016 19:52

Why didn't your DH tell you there was bacon and eggs downstairs rather than being you a measly piece of toast? And if you were so hungry why did you only eat a quarter?

This is why I try to avoid MIL's like the plague. Hardly ever food offered, she guards the door to the kitchen like she's guarding the Crown Jewels and when she does produce anything it always manages to smell like old cabbage!

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 26/12/2016 20:19

After all that they ate breakfast without you?! How rude!

Thank goodness you had a good lunch. You know next year if you ever go back you will need to bring a second suitcase containing only snacks?

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