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Original poster

To not want to be ravenously hungry at Christmas?

275 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 26/12/2016 11:29

Staying with DH's family who are a bit weird about food.

We had a one-course Christmas lunch yesterday about 3pm, after which everyone declared themselves too stuffed to contemplate pudding.

It is now 11:30am the next morning and not a mince pie crumb, not a chocolate matchstick has been available for consumption since. There has been some vague talk about breakfast which has been on-going for hours with nothing whatsoever being done about it.

I am so hungry right now I am shaking.

To make matters worse we've just watched Bake Off like some form of torture.

Xmas Angry
OP posts:
BirdInTheRoom · 29/12/2016 07:38

Next time, go laden with mince pies, croissants, chocolates and anything else you think you might fancy eating as 'gifts' to the hosts. Sorted.

noenergy · 29/12/2016 08:26

I'm quite shocked at other people's attitude to food, this is not normal or it shouldn't be.
Anytime my mum has guests she makes so much food that the leftovers will last another 3 days.

When I go to MIL in another country she is the same but it's just that I don't like their type of food, too spicy and there is no other snack foods in the house but they always insist if I don't like what is made to make something or ask what I would like or even order me fast food. I take suitcases full of biscuits n crisps etc.

I think people who hide away and eat are enabling that what hosts do is normal. You need to eat your snacks in front of them or cook yourself. I know this is easier said than done if there is nothing to cook or if you get the FAT comments.

Alternatively host them and show them what is normal.

RazWaz · 29/12/2016 08:54

My grandparents had a unique take on penis-portions. Boys would get bacon butties for breakfast and girls got Branflakes. I threw so many tantrums over it as a young child I was awarded an honorary penis Grin

shrunkenhead · 29/12/2016 14:43

I think, in a nutshell, it boils down to what we all do at xmas, do what makes everyone else happy but ourselves. Keep the peace etc. It's not ideal but it's what we do.

BarbedBloom · 29/12/2016 15:25

This happened with us a bit too. MIL is lovely but she does dish up according to her appetite and not what others may want. We had a reasonable portion of Christmas dinner (couple of small roasties, veg, couple of slices of turkey) at 2 and then nothing else was served all day. She had immediately put away leftovers to use for later meals so we couldn't even make a sandwich. She declared she was stuffed and couldn't understand why we were down looking for food at 7/8.

She doesn't do it deliberately and isn't unkind like some, but she does comment about us eating again if we have breakfast and then hours later come down for lunch as she isn't hungry.

She also serves penis portions. She makes an omelette with salad for dinner between three people and my boyfriend gets half and I get a small quarter even though I am taller than him (6ft 2) and a similar build (wide shoulders etc).

We do actually comment that we are hungry but nothing has really changed as she honestly believes we just eat too much as she is full after meals. We do just tend to buy extra food now.

divafever99 · 29/12/2016 15:40

Penis portions! Grin this happened to me on Christmas day when mil served me 1 slice of beef when everyone with a penis got 3! I was gutted because it was really good! I am just packing my emergency snack bag today as we are going to stay with fil tomorrow. They will go the whole day without eating anything until 5pm! Its got a lot easier since having dc, I now just get up and help myself to toast when I make them breakfast.

ToastDemon · 29/12/2016 15:44

My MIL does penis portions too. For instance men get 1 1/2 chicken breasts and women 1 only.
DH is overweight at present and I am very active and do weight training....

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/12/2016 15:46

Brilliant thread, pleased to find others have food weirdos in the family!

This is one of the (many) reasons I no longer visit DM's house. I was also taught that asking for food was very rude and this rule applies at her house even now.

I've always found visits tough as her and stepdad don't have an evening meal. They eat a large brunch of croissants and pastries about 10.30-11am and then a cooked meal at 2.30-3pm and nothing after that, not even snacks. Despite the fact that the rest of the western world have 3 square meals a day, she thinks we're the weird ones!

It ends up in one of four situations -

  1. We cook for ourselves. I couldn't possibly go 19 hours without food. Problem is, there's no easy food in my mum's house. You wouldn't find a loaf of warburtons or a tin of beans to rustle up. It's all Camembert and foie gras, with a giant brioche that doesn't slice thin enough for a toaster. She defrosts meat only when necessary. If we do rustle up some weird concoction it's supplemented with lots of huffing from mum wandering back and forth talking about how she'd have to nip to the supermarket as that's camambert was for tomorrow (she also only buys exact portions she needs to based on a food plan for the week). Not a hint of a biscuit or anything to graze on
  1. She will very begrudgingly offer to cook for us - and make lots of PA digs about how she'd saved this food for such and such, and how she can't understand how someone could eat so much food in one day. Shell then produce bizarre concoction but one that is a third of the size we'd make, apparently they're not 'big eaters'
  1. We go out for food or a take away. We do offer for them to join us but they're never hungry on an evening. This to DM is the height of rudeness, being a guest and leaving the house without your host. Lots of huffing and PA whingeing ensues, even into the next day "I don't suppose you'll be hungry enough for breakfast seeing as you went for a meal last night?"
  1. We starve. Mum prefers this option.

After a few visits I learned to pack lots of crisps and snacks. As you can probably tell my mother is hard work and so for other reasons we no longer go. Portion size snobbery is her forte along with being a 'morning martyr' where sleeping past 7am is considered extremely lazy and you'll be greeted with "afternoon" when you do come out your room.

Now you'd think my mother was a waif, but her and stepdad are both very overweight and I have no idea how, sparrows have bigger appetites than them! I always wondered if maybe they lock themselves in their room at night and binge on maltesers and haribo Grin I get really sick of the comments about the amount of food we eat. DH and I are both slim but with large appetites and I think she has a bloody nerve criticising us!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/12/2016 15:51

I hope I'm a good host when we have guests, I'd rather people feel comfortable in my home and always say "if you get peckish then help yourselves, bread is in the bottom drawer, that's the biscuit cupboard and there's x y and z for the taking in the fridge". I always stock up for guests as hope they don't see it as us not making food for them (we do make/order 3 meals a day though)

expatinscotland · 29/12/2016 15:53

'I think, in a nutshell, it boils down to what we all do at xmas, do what makes everyone else happy but ourselves. Keep the peace etc. It's not ideal but it's what we do.'

Or you can stop being a martyr and just not go to houses where you'll be starved for Christmas.

blueskyinmarch · 29/12/2016 16:01

Cherrychasing I think you have answered the question i was coming to ask. I want to know if those who have miserly portions and who deny themselves, and their guests, food are overweight or very skinny? I have in my mind that they are probably overweight and probably do a lot of secret eating? I wonder if all the huffing and puffing about food and portions and being stuffed is to hide the they actually can’t control what they eat?

Graphista · 29/12/2016 16:34

My ex in laws very much on the slim side possibly even underweight. Also lead very sedentary lives (barely leaving the house) so no requirement for a lot of calories. But their kids (4 of them) are all in very physically active jobs and are active and sporty in their free time too and from what I know always have been! Looking at family photos I'm not sure they got enough food as kids. As I've said money definitely not a problem.

QueenOfTheFuckingWorld · 29/12/2016 16:35

MIL is like this. Penis portions and miniscule portions for the women. I totally lost my shit one day when she served a minuscule 'lady' portion and nothing for 8 month old DS. When I questioned it she said that he could have some of mine!
DS was going through a growth spurt at the time and I was still breastfeeding, he would have polished off the entire plate!
I took half of DH penis portion (MIL magically then conjured up more) gave most to DS and topped up mine, while huffing about how rude it was to not feed your guests.
It took a long time till we were speaking again. It was bliss!

Graphista · 29/12/2016 16:40

YES to penis portions too! Sil and myself and the 2 granddaughters get half what the equivalent males get, even when we were breastfeeding!

JennyOnAPlate · 29/12/2016 17:08

My mil is awful for penis portions. She clearly believes that women should barely eat anything, but men should be stuffed to the gills. Her days food consists of a small bowl of cereal for breakfast, one slice of toast and a piece of fruit for lunch and a child's size portion of dinner. I have a big appetite and couldn't cope with it.

Dizzywizz · 29/12/2016 17:11

Blueskyinmarch my mum is slim - they eat out a lot (indulgent meal and wine), and I think they are used to hardly eating, if they're not in a restaurant iyswim. So overall their calories are normal, but not spread out over 3 meals like most people.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/12/2016 17:40

Oh and yes to the penis portions!! I've told this before on MN but when I was as a child, not only did the penis bearers (stepdad and brothers) get larger portions during the week (I was one of the taller children so actually needed more than them!) on a Sunday she would cook a roast and it was a 'help yourself' affair. The men had to have the first pick - first stepdad as the 'head of the house', then once he'd chosen his food my brothers could tuck in, then the females would get the scraps and shitty bits left. It was torture and my brothers purposefully wound me up by taking the chicken legs which they knew I loved. Apparently it's because boys have growing appetites and should take priority or some other sexist shite

PickledCauliflower · 29/12/2016 18:02

It's plain rude to have guests overnight but only offer them lunch.

Fuck that - I wouldn't go overnight again.

mya83 · 29/12/2016 18:28

.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/12/2016 18:44

See I'm more like Pam in gavin and Stacey.."Shit what if someone is vegetarian!!! I'm off to the Linda McCartney section" Grin I wouldn't pretend to be veggie though to cover my tracks Grin

formerbabe · 29/12/2016 19:08

See I'm more like Pam in gavin and Stacey

Me too! Remember the episode where she goes food shopping at 6am or something for her guests?! Well, that's me!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/12/2016 19:11

former I love that show and how she tangles a web of lies about her vegetarianism! First all of Stacey's family all think she's veggie and then Stacey figures her out and promises not to tell Mick, who already knows and promises not to tell Stacey. Before the big reveal on a Christmas Day, when everyone but Gwen knew anyway 😂😂😂

formerbabe · 29/12/2016 19:12

Absolutely hysterical! Would love to go to Pam's for a meal Grin

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/12/2016 19:14

Me too, I'd be happy to stay the night as well just so I could use her power shower, it's immense, 20 minutes I could rack up Grin

formerbabe · 29/12/2016 19:15

Not Stacey's mums house though...you'd just get an omelette Shock