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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of people asking when DD is going to nursery

65 replies

GabbySolis · 25/12/2016 18:39

DD is two, I am a SAHM because my husband and I feel that being at home is best for pre-school age children. We go to lots of toddler groups and activities and she has lots of friends her age. She is sociable, outgoing and her speech is excellent. I am really fed up of people asking when she will go to nursery and being shocked when we say we have no plans to send her. Neither me or my husband or any of our siblings went to nursery and all started school without any problems. Have been asked so many times today visiting relatives for Christmas and I just feel a bit 😡

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 25/12/2016 18:44

I hear you. We get that too.

Original poster
GabbySolis · 25/12/2016 18:46

Glad to know we are not alone! I am supportive of people whose children are in nursery full time (even though that is not what we want to do personally) so I don't understand why people don't show the same support our way

OP posts:
Sirzy · 25/12/2016 18:47

If they are repeatedly asking then I can understand your frustration.

But given that something like 95% of children use the free 3 year old places then it's not an unreasonable point of conversation really.

John4703 · 25/12/2016 18:48

She should go to nursery when her parents think she should go.

You both know her best. Maybe she will go next year, maybe never go, your decision and nothing to do with anyone else.

dementedpixie · 25/12/2016 18:48

Both mine went when they got their free places age 3. Just say that's what you are waiting for as there is no need before that

Mumzypopz · 25/12/2016 18:49

"being at home is best for pre school age children". Fantastic if you can afford to do it without state help.....Not everyone is that lucky and preschool hours are free from age three (roughly) in order to help parents back to work...A lot of parents work these days, that's probably why they are a bit surprised.

AaLittleEggLayOnALeaf · 25/12/2016 18:50

Same here. It's definitely seen as 'the norm' now to send your child(ren) to nursery. That's fine if that's your plan and everyone's happy, but every time I think of sending my DD it just doesn't sit right. I'm sure they all learn and develop just the same. Babies are clever little things.

Mumzypopz · 25/12/2016 18:51

But totally think it's your child, your choice.

sooperdooper · 25/12/2016 18:52

Tbh I imagine it's just a topic of conversation for lots of people, most kids that age start nursery, it's not an outlandish question so unless it's one person asking again and again I think you need to chill out

HSMMaCM · 25/12/2016 18:53

Of course you don't have to send them to nursery. Enjoy your time with them, they'll be away from home all day from the ages of 5-16+, so why shouldn't you spend time with them when you can.

RoseGoldHippie · 25/12/2016 19:02

I agree with sooper this is exactly the kind of thing I would ask friends of that aged children. Not in a rude way, it's just a topic of conversation Confused

DotForShort · 25/12/2016 19:07

Are they just making conversation? Or do you think they disapprove of your decision?

FWIW, I never attended nursery or playgroups (I don't suppose such things even existed in some of the places we lived). Started school at age 5 with no issues at all. Nursery isn't mandatory and it is perfectly fine to skip it entirely. But I do take issue with the idea that "being at home is best for pre-school age children," as that sounds like a categorical statement that applies to all children.

Paulat2112 · 25/12/2016 19:11

mumzy I have always thought the free education hours were more for education rather than childcare.

G1raffePicnic · 25/12/2016 19:11

It's a fairly normal question, along with which school you might choose. It's only a small minority who homeschool.

Research shows that it benefits children from 3+ so we used it (not full 15 hours initially) for her benefit in a preschool. I was lucky to be able to be very picky and I prefer pre schools in general to nurserys in school.

nocake · 25/12/2016 19:13

The latest research indicates that it's actually better for kids to go to nursery than be cared for 100% by parents. Obviously that's looking at an average over a large population of children but it's wrong to state that it's better for pre-school kids to be at home.

Sirzy · 25/12/2016 19:14

I don't think how we coped without nursery years ago is necessarily a reflection of how children cope with starting school without having been to nursery now. Because it is such a norm now from age 3 at least generally when starting school most children are used to some degree of separation from their parents and to routine etc that comes with it so it does make the transition into school easier.

I am not making any judgement on sending a child to nursery or not just highlighting it's not necessarily a good point of comparison

Original poster
GabbySolis · 25/12/2016 19:14

I totally understand about it being a topic of conversation but it is the same people who ask again and again. I know I am lucky to be able to stay at home but a lot of my friends could have done the same and chose to go back to work and I don't question their choice, different things work for different people. LittleEgg and HSM that is exactly how we feel. I usually just smile and give some polite answer when people ask but think just because we've been asked so many times in the last few days it has got on my nerves a bit.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 25/12/2016 19:15

Maybe they feel you'd appreciate a break from her? I get the feeling you wouldn't, but maybe the people asking think you might (I know I did!). The 15 hrs early years funding has only been around 15 yrs or so, so many parents of older/now-adult children see it as a huge benefit.

Mumzypopz · 25/12/2016 19:16

Paulaat2112. Haven't you heard.. Education is all about play these days.....Don't think they are full on educating for the full 12 hours or whatever it is these days....There's some childcare thrown in there too.

sj257 · 25/12/2016 19:17

Personally I think it's a shame for them not to go to a nursery school at 3. Having worked in one and seeing how most children thrive in them I really think they'd be missing out! Both my children went to one, my eldest for 5 terms, she needed it, especially once she had turned 4 and still had nearly a year until she started school!

Of course it's your decision but I do think it's a shame.

UnicornInDMboots · 25/12/2016 19:18

I'm a SAHM ... People don't really ask me . They ask me if I'm going back to work (she is tiny I think they think she is younger than she is !!) And I say I'm not and that's that !

sj257 · 25/12/2016 19:19

Mumzy, it is education whether it's through play or not. They also do phonics and group time. I definitely wouldn't call a nursery school childcare in the sense that private nurseries are.

SparklyLeprechaun · 25/12/2016 19:20

I couldn't care less whether other people send their children to nursery or not. Childcare is just a normal topic of conversation, I don't see that there's anything to get offended about.

Original poster
GabbySolis · 25/12/2016 19:22

Thanks for yoir comments everyone. I said my husband and I feel that it is better for pre school children to be at home as this is our opinion. I didn't say it was a fact. I have found research to support sending children to nursery and also to support keeping them at home. My question wasn't whether we should send DD to nursery as we are happy with our decision not to. Just fed up of constantly being asked about it and then people disapproving of it when we say no. If she struggled socially or was behind her peers I could maybe understand that but she isn't. We have close family who live locally and who take her on days out, etc without us so she is used to not being with us.

OP posts:
catwoman0815 · 25/12/2016 19:22

probably people make just conversation.Most children go to nursery latest when the green hours kick in so not unreasonable to ask. Also, most mums go back to work after mat leave - it is pretty standard I find so again, I don't thinks it is a weird question.

Jusy say it as it is. If it works for you then great. But you are probably reading too much into this question.