To be fed up of people asking when DD is going to nursery

[GabbySolis]

DD is two, I am a SAHM because my husband and I feel that being at home is best for pre-school age children. We go to lots of toddler groups and activities and she has lots of friends her age. She is sociable, outgoing and her speech is excellent. I am really fed up of people asking when she will go to nursery and being shocked when we say we have no plans to send her. Neither me or my husband or any of our siblings went to nursery and all started school without any problems. Have been asked so many times today visiting relatives for Christmas and I just feel a bit 😡

And my DD (just turned 2) can correctly hold a pencil, count to ten and knows her colours (for the person unthread who implied nurseries dont teach them anything)

I think research around benefits of nursery were done in areas of high deprivation so not proof nurseries are better than parent led early years care. Good parents are better than bad nursery provision and vice versa. We did a mixture of things for our 6 for a variety of reasons. I never let any go full time until reception age as I felt it was too much and limited opportunities for other activities like swimming. The older ones had more formal private school nursery and the younger ones a more relaxed, less academic setting. Their learning was mixed but they did make friends they moved onto reception with, which helped settling into school. I do not think they learned anything academically that they would not have learned at home. All could read reasonably fluently by reception (girls maybe slightly better than boys), all could dress themselves including tights and ties. All could use a knife and fork properly and were able to take themselves to the loo. It's a personal choice with little impact on outcome, except for children from least able and most disadvantaged families. Then good nursery provision becomes vital.

We live in a very remote part of (very, very far North) North America and children here start school at 7, fortunately the local school is fantastic.
Where we are there is no daycare, no prekindergarten, no nursery, nothing that small children attend without their caregiver. We have a fantastic community group at the community hall which is open seven days a week as a drop in. There is soft play, all kinds of games, a kitchen to make drinks/snacks, and plenty of chairs, sofas and beanbags. It is very heavily used all the time, and being open at weekends means that nobody has to miss out. It is a lovely relaxed place, it is run by the community, there isn't any formal leadership and it doubles as the senior's center, the youth club, the dance hall etc.
Personally we feel it works really well for us, and it is lovely that if any of the older/elderly people feel lonely they can drop in, read some stories to the children, join in the games, or just sit and have coffee and a chat with the parents.
I am sort of a sahm, I work a few hours per week, as and when needed, but DS comes to work with me. We love the approach, but almost all parenting is horses for courses isn't it? We have been asked repeatedly by the same friends from elsewhere when DS is going to nursery (and when I'm going back to work full time) so I just laugh and say never.

That sounds idyllic LoupGarou to have that resource and to have such a strong community. One thing home ed friends locally have said they are aware of is how children disappear from public places when term starts here.

Thanks ThirdThoughts we think so, but I think the climate/situation greatly lends itself to a strong community. It has its downsides, as does anywhere, but for us the good bits far outweigh them. DH and I are actually pretty anti social, but everyone here is very respectful of giving each other space, and it is really lovely to be able to go to the center any time you feel like company. Until we moved here we were thinking about home educating DS, and that was something I'd heard from home ed friends too.

Pressed post too soon, meant to add that there is no pressure here to join in, you participate as much or as little as you want and that is very freeing!

Nursery teaches important life skills that parents don't always get around to. If you're teaching your dc how to feed themselves, how to share, interact with other kids and adults, as well as all
the other basics such as potty training etc then great. If not then a few hours a week is a good idea.

There's a big difference between a child who goes out and about with a parent, socialising and learning from their environment and a child who starts school having never left the four walls of their house.

Some kind of pre school could make a massive difference to the latter.

I totally understand. It sound like you're providing her with an amazing start, just ignore the ignorant people who question you on this.
I have worked in many nurseries over the years before i qualified as a teacher and the quality is generally VERY sub standard (Ive worked only in Good or Outstanding nurseries too)
Most of the girls I worked with were quite immature 18-20 year olds with no understanding of child development and who were more interested in chatting to their colleagues than nourishing the children's minds.

If you can afford not to send to nursery I'd say more power to you and your child is lucky!

I'm a SAHM but I put my 2 year old in for 2 days a week. I'd never get anything done otherwise. I also appreciate the break and go to the gym swimming etc.

Bumble

I'm very aware of all this. Dd went to nursery part time and loved it because she's a very social and active child. She learnt about integration, sharing, peer play etc. All things, which as an only she couldn't learn at home. So pros and cons.

Op

Not all children are better off at home. My dd certainly wasn't. I'm chronically ill and could barely stand up when she was 3 so she was helping herself to yoghurts by then. I had Homestart involvement and she went to nursery 3 days a week. The homestart lady was with us a couple of hours a week and my friend looked after dd and me for the other 1.5 days that dh was at work. So much as you may feel guilt tripped by others for not sending your child to school, it's equally unfair to push your agenda.

I don't read this as any agenda brig push or the op being judgemental; I think that's people projecting.

OP, it is rude if the same people keep asking as it shows they're either not listening or not liking the answer. Otherwise, I agree with pp that it is just a standard conversation when they're that age.

It's not weird to ask but it's rude of them to be shocked when you say she isn't going.

My DS started formal school at 6...he did have three years of going to preschool a few mornings a week, but I think he'd have been fine without them.

My DD is 3 now and I'm sending her 4 mornings a week because she is going to need a looooooong transition to kindergarten in a few years.

Bumbleclat - undoubtedly nurseries as you describe exist (staffed by disinterested 18-20 year olds). But there are great nurseries/playgroups around. My DD goes to one where most of the staff are older, have their own children and are qualified. I think the hours a nursery is open has an impact on the staff they attract - so shorter hours, term time only attracts staff with their own school age children.

I know how you feel OP. DD1 didn't go to nursery until she was almost 4; even then she only attended a couple of half day sessions and we didn't use our full free 15 hours. Happy to report that she settled In perfectly at infant school in September and there's really no discernible difference in her level of socialisation vs that of her peers who (largely) attended full time nursery from a much younger age.
Am fielding the same questions about DD2 (currently 2.5) now. Just smile and say that your situation works for you.