To think having just one child could be fine, or is it a mistake ?

[firstimer30s]

I have an adorable , boisterous toddler who is 3 yrs old . I also have a satisfying career which I enjoy and pays well.

DH has a busy, high pressure job and it is unlikely to ever change. We don't hv any family nearby who can help.

Family and friends , as well as DH, say it's time for another one.

I would happily stop at 1. It is manageable (just) and we have quality time together.

But is it a mistake to just have 1 ?

DH says it's harsh and lonely for DC to be an 'only ' - he has a DB who he's close with. I have a DS who I am not at all close with

I've only just got some of my life back , the odd evening out with a friend , the odd date with DH.

How many DCs do you have ? If 1, did you regret it ? If more than 1, how did you make the decision to and are you happy ?

I'm adding my experience as you've asked for opinions. Ultimately, it is absolutely your choice and there is no right or wrong answer to this, whatever you feel is right is so. My sister is absolutely my best friend, so much so, that we made it so we work together ( I appreciate this may be rare!). I have 2 DDs myself now, dd1 is 3.5 and dd2 is 10 months. Dd1 is obsessed with her sister. The first thing she asks for when she wakes is her sister. A couple of months ago, dd1 came up to me, gave me a big hug and said " mummy, thank you for giving me a baby sister" I actually cried at this unprovoked remark. However, as pps have said, this is certainly not always the case. It's bloody hard work with two, on every level, but I wouldn't swap it for anything. Good luck with your decision x

I can't really give any advice as my only child is not even 6 months old yet, but I honestly can't imagine being able to cope with 2 children!! I know so many people do cope with 2 or more but I don't feel I could be a good mother to 2 children, also I would have to wait til my baby was school age due to childcare costs and by then I think personally I would feel too old (I would be at least 41).

Everyone keeps asking when we are going to have another and when I say "probably never" they always say "you can't just have one" WHY???!!!

I am an only child and I had a very happy childhood. My mother couldn't have any more children due to health complications, so not a choice. But you don't miss what you don't have and there were certainly benefits (a lot of attention, not to mention more disposable income so I had loads of hobbies and travelled a lot with my parents when I was young). I don't ever remember wishing for a sibling and was surrounded by amazing friends.

I don't have DC yet, but I feel I only want 1 child. I may change my mind when I have 1, but my current feeling is quite strong.

On whether onlies are more successful, I am probably what people would typically say is successful - straight As at school, 1st class law degree at a v good uni, now have what would be deemed a v desirable job in my industry. But, my husband is a middle child of 3 and equally if not more successful than me. So I'm not sure how much bearing it has.

I will say that being an only can bring increased pressure - my father died of cancer 3 years ago and having a sibling may have made it slightly better - someone to share the pain/burden. Having said that, I am extremely close to my mother (and always was very close to both of my parents) and just because you have a sibling doesn't mean they'll be around when times get tough (my mother had a sister but she died young so my mother was effectively an only when she cared for my elderly grandparents). You just don't know what will happen.

You have to do what's right for you. But from my experience as an only it was great, I was very happy and I don't think it's selfish to only have one child.

I don't really get the 'it's selfish' to have an only child argument, surely having any children is actually a rather selfish act, the feeling that you need to 'reproduce' your own genes. If we were truly altruistic and genuinely loved children for the sake of loving children then we would adopt/foster or somehow look after all the unloved children in the world .

Most people have children - whether one, two or more for 'selfish' reasons if you look at it purely from a practical point of view.

I have one child (a son aged 5) and he is our world. I am also an only child and really enjoy it - although it is, of course, impossible to know how it would have felt to have a sibling! I enjoyed having my parents' attention and the fact they were always there when I needed them and also there to support me at concerts, prize-giving ceremonies, etc. They are not especially rich, but made sacrifices to send me to a wonderful private school, for which I am eternally grateful. There is no way this would have been the case if I had a sibling. They also helped me to get on to the housing ladder and paid for our wedding. Being an only child is in no way just about the material benefits, but it does mean parents have more time (and money) to invest into that one child.

I had 2 miscarriages before my son, and a really terrible time having him - resulting in PTSD. Although physically I should be able to have another baby, mentally I can't even entertain the idea. He is so precious and brings us so much joy - I can't imagine being able to love anyone else. I feel very blessed to have him. Even without the miscarriages and awful birth, I still don't think I would have wanted another. We are very happy as a family of 3. My DH and I both work and don't have family nearby to help out, but we can cope with one. He is our main priority and I ensure he is very social. We have lots of playdates and went to lots of playgroups, classes, etc. He has a good group of friends and we are always out and about. We have also made sacrifices and he now attends a wonderful school, which would be impossible with 2.

Only on the very odd bad weather day when we are stuck at home with cabin fever have I wished he had a sibling to play with (when he was going through his 'needing to be entertained at all times' phase), but now he's a little older he will happily play on his own for long periods of time allowing me to get things done.

We also have our own lives back to a certain extent - my husband plays football twice a week and I sing once a week and occasionally have gigs, and we both enjoy odd nights out with friends, but between us we can manage. I think our lives would be far more complicated with two children.

My DH comes from a large family but I think he realises how little attention he received as a child when he sees how close I am to my parents. His mum has 4 children and always seems out of touch with what we are up to, because she's too wrapped up in her youngest child, who is still at home. I wondered if he would want more, but I think he is more than happy with our son - and also witnessed the horrific childbirth!

I really think there are so many benefits to being an only child, and as long as that child has lots of opportunities to socialise and mix with others, I don't feel they miss out in any way.

I am having this exact dilemma but I am 40 so may already have had the decision made for me. I'm an only child with one ds( (4) if I'm to have another I need to start trying now but keep putting it off.. Life is getting easier, no family locally to help out, finances not amazing but ok, worried about rolling the dice and not being so lucky with health or baby's health or getting multiple babies .. Aah it's so hard. Didn't miss a sibling myself and don't remember feeling lonely so that is not a major issue

I have 2, didn't want any until I was 40! Love my job, (was) financially comfortable, loved travelling etc...

First was planned, now 19 months, second a surprise, now 3 months and I want another! I'm 43! :)

It's impossible to say really op! We have 1 Dd (14 yrs). Originally we were happy to just have 1. Then, when she was a toddler we tried to have another. We wanted her to have a sibling and we very much wanted a bigger family. It never happened and we felt really sad about it for a couple of years.

Now however we feel really, really happy with our small family and know that being a family of 3 has allowed us to do all sorts of things that would have been hard with a bigger family. We have 2 lovely dogs, we go away on holiday a lot, neither of us enjoyed the many years of school runs so we are delighted not to be doing that again! Mainly though I feel like I've been able to be a pretty cheerful, calm, rested mum for 90% of the time whereas with a newborn as well I was very worried about suffering from pnd again.

Dd is very happy to be an only although she has gone through phases when younger of wanting a sibling. She says she'd be very happy to only have 1 child herself. There are positives and negatives to any sized family and it really is up to you. I suppose I would just say that having just one can be very enjoyable and happy and does not necessarily mean a lonely, boring life!!