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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be dying to know why ive been unfriended by old aquaintances on Facebook?

63 replies

BasinHaircut · 23/12/2016 10:22

Background so i dont have to dripfeed:
4 of us in a friendship group. Me and person A best mates for 10 years (since 12 years old), but fell out about 10 years ago for something relatively serious. persons B also fell out with A about the same thing and person C fell out with A shortly after.

I only really knew B and C because of A but after I fell out with A i stayed friends with B and C for a while and then it sort of just faded out. No bad feeling, just our lives took different paths. B and C are good friends. But since I joined facebook about 8 years ago, B and C have been my facebook friends. There has been next to no actual contact, but we like each others photos of kids and weddings etc, that sort of thing.

I am aware, through facebook tagging etc that B and C have recently reconnected with A and they seem to be in regular contact, going for drinks, each others kids' birthday parties, meeting new babies etc.

Anyway, this morning whilst just browsing facebook i clicked on the 'likes' on a post of mine from last week and noticed that C had 'liked' it, but now there is an icon next to the 'like' asking me if i want to add as friend. She would not have been able to see my post if she was not my FB friend last week. I also noticed that B was not cited as a mutual friend. I know that B was my FB friends last week as i commented (nicely) on one of her photos that came up on my newsfeed. Therefore it seems that both of them have decided at the same time to unfriend me.

I doubt that it is at the request of A, as she would be the type of person who would prefer B and C to be able to see my profile so that she could have access to it too.

And i literally havent seen any of these people for over 10 years.

So the child in me is DYING to know why they have unfriended me. Any ideas?

OP posts:

Arfarfanarf · 23/12/2016 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

passmethewineplease · 23/12/2016 10:24

I literally haven't seen any of these people for 10 years.

That's probably why?

Heratnumber7 · 23/12/2016 10:24

Perhaps you post a load of crap that's filling up their news feed. That's why I usually "unfriend" people.

Kcollip · 23/12/2016 10:26

This is facebook.
Dont become so invested in it that you fail to actually live in the moment (rather than via social media)

Ohdearducks · 23/12/2016 10:27

Maybe they don't want you to see what they're up to with A?

BarbaraofSeville · 23/12/2016 10:29

So you only knew B and C because of A, and weren't really 'direct' friends with them?

I regularly go through my FB friends and unfriend old aquaintances that I haven't seen for years just to tidy things up really (old sports clubs etc where every man and his dog were FB friends even if you didn't really do more than exchange pleasantries with if you saw them).

It's nothing personal, to me it seems odd to remain FB friends with people that you don't see in person at least onec a or so, or distant friends/relatives etc that you want to keep in touch with.

WellErrr · 23/12/2016 10:36

Because you haven't seen it interacted with them for ten years and they probably don't give a shit about what your pet/child/garden is up to.

I unfriend, and am unfriended by acquaintances all the time. Tis the wondrous circle of Facebook.

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 23/12/2016 10:59

Its not that they have unfriended me, its that they must have made the concious decision to have done it at the same time. Im not particularly fussed that they arent my 'friends' any more, im just curious as to what might have prompted it. I have conciously not 'liked' or commented on anything that included A because im fairly certain it would have prompted a discussion about me between them.

I probably wouldnt have noticed at all (or for a very long time) if i hadnt been randomly going through old posts. I dont post very much at all, maybe once or twice a month so I dont think im cluttering up thier newsfeeds. Im not overly invested in it and I dont post anything overly personal on there. for example I wouldnt post that I was going on holiday or that id had a row with DH etc.

I do have lots of people on there that I wouldnt say i actually know very well, old school friends etc but thats OK for me because I dont share personal things. I do undertsand that some people use it differently and like to regularly purge 'friends' to keep it relevant and thats fine too.

Doesnt stop me being curious about this though.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 23/12/2016 11:02

There's no point in asking anyone here.

Why don't you message and ask them, if it's playing on your mind this much?

Otherwise just forget about it. None of them are your friends, so it doesn't matter does it?

Strongmummy · 23/12/2016 11:04

You're becoming overwhelmed invested in social media. Don't. You haven't seen them in ages and they're not real friends anymore. They probably friended you to see what you were up to then unfriended as their curiousity was sated. Move on and enjoy xmas!

WarmWeetabix · 23/12/2016 11:04

I regularly go through mine and delete people. It's more I don't want them knowing my business if I'm not close to them anymore, nothing personal. I've been deleted by other people quite a few times too. Don't get hung up on it.

Strongmummy · 23/12/2016 11:05

overly invested!!!

Taylor22 · 23/12/2016 11:09

I've just done exactly what this person has.
I went through my friends list and deleted a load of people who I hadn't had contact with and had no real interest in reconnecting with.
However a few people from uni whom I was close to I messaged. And contact has now restarted.
OP. This is a ridiculous thing to obsess over this close to Christmas. Do you have other friends? Family?

Lilaclily · 23/12/2016 11:13

I'd say as they've both unfriended you at the same time that person A has given her side to the argument and they've sided with her
Or she doesn't want you seeing her stuff on fb

What did you fall out about ?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 23/12/2016 11:18

I also noticed that B was not cited as a mutual friend.

Well B cannot be a mutual friend if C has unfriended you can she? Have you specifically checked to see if B is still one of your friends?

Assuming you can be bothered when you barely know these people.

DeepanKrispanEven · 23/12/2016 11:21

Have you started a Forever Living/JuicePlus franchise? That gets people off my friend list within seconds.

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 23/12/2016 11:25

Im not that interested Worra

Ive literally no interest in contacting either of them.

Its not playing on my mind, I cant explain why I want to know without sounding like a bitchy teenager but if I could explain the old dynamic of the friendship it might make some sense.

Just as a quick example, a few years back when I got married I purposely never even alluded to the fact I was getting married on Facebook as, like I say, I dont post anything personal. However, on my hen night a friend of mine posted a photo of me with the L plates on so those with a keen eye would have been able to work out i was to be wed. Not thinking anything of it (because it never occured to me that anyone who didnt know directly that I was getting married would give a shite) a few days later a mutual old friend of A and me send me screen shots from A's MOTHER's Facebook having a massive rant about me on there, saying that I was a C* and she hoped it effing rained on my wedding day and that everyone got food poisoning etc because id 'plastered it all over facebook' that I was getting married purposely in spite of her daughter (A). Then A joined in saying that I was rude not inviting her and other more scathing things about me. At this point id not seen or spoken to any of them for about 7 years but they still seemed to think that my actions (when they werent even my actions) were specifically intended to piss them off and they were both absolutely furious that they werent invited to my wedding. I just checked my privacy settings and moved on with my life.

neither B or C were involved in that and I have no idea if they were even aware (but i imagine so), but its unlikely that they would have been suprised by that behaviour, put it that way.

OP posts:

tharsheblows · 23/12/2016 11:25

If I were a slightly different person, I can see my sister and I doing this to people. Not on purpose but because sometimes we discuss people we used to know and who are on Facebook now. She's gone through and unfriended a lot of people (she had loads of friends) because she posts a lot for family (we're all far away from each other) and if I shared more there, that probably would have inspired me to trim my friend list as well. And I would have trimmed the same people.

So I'm guessing that's what happened. One of them did a clear out, the other thought it was a good idea and you got cleared out from both for reason you gave -- you all haven't seen each other for 10 years and don't interact in real life.

It's that time of year, out with the old, in with the new etc etc

The last people to unfriend me were my aunt and uncle (I was posting anti-Trump stuff, not a huge amount but enough I guess!) and some rando from high school who is very religious except for that felony conviction for embezzling from his church. He also blocked me on Twitter which I find hilarious. I didn't follow him there.

m0therofdragons · 23/12/2016 11:26

It's such an odd thing isn't it? I've been unfriended by a lady at dc school. We had a disagreement a year ago but she didn't unfriend me then which I sort of expected. I didn't do anything wrong but she managed to make an idiot of herself publicly and I've no doubt she blames me despite me not doing anything. About 5 weeks ago she unfriended me. I'm fascinated as to why - what triggered it at that moment and not 12 months before. Can't ask though. It's intriguing really.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 23/12/2016 11:30

Arf at the op desperate to tell us all the details. The details nobody's asked for...

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 23/12/2016 11:30

just realised i never got to the point in that last post!

What im saying is that i clearly mortally offended A and her family years ago without actually doing a thing, and so I guess im wondering what innocuous bit of my life has upset them this time.

OP posts:

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 23/12/2016 11:32

No one is forcing you to read or post Moving

OP posts:

EverySongbirdSays · 23/12/2016 11:33

I have recently started doing a Facebook Spring Clean - with a view to completely streamlining my feed, it is bad for your mental health to obsess over strangers opinions of you and the idea that you are missing out or that your life isn't up to snuff. I'm unfollowing rather than unfriending so no fucker takes offence because my feelings aren't about them.

I'd say, from an academic perspective that A as an adult has said to them :

"I still feel upset about what happened with Basin - I've changed and grown up now but I don't want her seeing photos of me or my kids, you know how people judge"

B and C - not seen her in 10 years no skin off our nose

Try a Spring Clean yourself OP

THE END

Bluntness100 · 23/12/2016 11:33

I have to say it's all a bit childish and immature, like something out of mean girls. This is one of the reasons I don't use Facebook. Everyone deciding on friendships based on actions there or seeing stuff there,

If you want to know, either refriend them or ask them, otherwise just move on. All this anguish isn't worth it folks who are no more than Facebook friends.

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 23/12/2016 11:35

exactly Mother.

OP posts:

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