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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is unbelievably tight for a wedding?

415 replies

StingyWedding · 22/12/2016 21:24

Recently attending a wedding of a friend. Amongst various other issues on the day I just felt it was a very poor and stingy wedding, at the reception they had a "hot chocolate bar" - they were charging for this (and tea, and coffee....)

Photo attached which they have proudly displayed on their Facebook.

Am I wrong to think of you invite people to a wedding you actually host and therefore provide for your guests? Not expecting a free bar but some table wine and soft drinks surely?

To think this is unbelievably tight for a wedding?
OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 22/12/2016 22:05

They are tight but you have no class op.

StillMaidOfStars · 22/12/2016 22:05

Charlotte We paid for the bar bill at ours. But I wouldn't be embarrassed by having to buy my own drinks at someone else's wedding Confused

bellie710 · 22/12/2016 22:05

We went to my BIL's wedding, there was a 3 course meal and that was it, no drinks on arrival, no wine at the table not a single drink!

TheLivingAsheth · 22/12/2016 22:06

It's a bit weird to say "help yourself!" and then charge. "Help yourself" sounds expansive, generous...free!

Original poster
StingyWedding · 22/12/2016 22:07

I thought AIBU was the place to discuss this kind of thing? Confused

OP posts:
100milesanhour · 22/12/2016 22:09

Im more surprised that the venue charged for that.

At a wedding, I would expect a buffet or a meal to be included but not alcohol.

ClarissaDarling · 22/12/2016 22:09

What a dickish thread- I just don't get the invitees who come on here and whinge and moan about how they, the guests the MOST important people at the wedding are not being considered the most! As always stated, it's an invite not a summons, and was buying an hot chocolate a prerequisite for entry into the wedding??

ShowMeTheElf · 22/12/2016 22:09

Throwing my hat into the ring: we married in 2014 (not first wedding). Provided transport, provided food, provided snacks, provided a free bar from 12.30 until the end of the night.....except, 2 weeks before our wedding the venue entered into a business arrangement with their main caterer (whom we didn't use) that teas and coffees from the bar would be provided by the caterer and charged separately at £2.50 each. So, we paid lots to the venue and our caterer so we could treat everyone, and found out retrospectively that everyone who asked for a tea or coffee (for which we had provided biscuits and cake) had been asked to pay, while champagne, spirits and in fact everything else from the bar over the course of the day was covered. Oh how we laughed. The venue coordinator did apologise to us and said that if a less jobsworth person had been on the bar it would have been handled differently, but, but..the damage was done.
Maybe OP your hosts were mistaken too. Disappointing but hopefully not enough of as problem to colour the whole wedding.

Hannah4banana · 22/12/2016 22:09

I certainly wasn't "embarrassed" my guests paid for their own drinks! I put on a bus, gave them a 4 course meal their first drink and a huge buffet in the evening. They had all we could afford. A free bar would have bankrupted us!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 22/12/2016 22:09

I don't think directly bitching about one's friends where they could be identified is ever appropriate. Frankly posting it online on the Daily Mail's sourcebook MN is awful.

Poor show op.

MinesAGin · 22/12/2016 22:10

You've completely identified yourself. This will be picked up by the DM.

freebreeze · 22/12/2016 22:11

This thread is horrible. You describe yourself as a friend. You're not their friend. Friends don't expose and embarrass people publicly. The wedding is about you celebrating the marriage, not the quality if the buffet. You should close this thread if the bride/groom mean anything to you at all.

Viviennemary · 22/12/2016 22:12

What a mean silly pair they sound. People should think first before they do mad things like this. If you can't afford a wedding then elope. Don't insult guests with this grabby behaviour.

squoosh · 22/12/2016 22:12

Equally the wedding shouldn't be about the bride and groom trying to rip their guests off.

multivac · 22/12/2016 22:15

I'm so glad your friend had you there, OP, to share their special day.

'Stingy'.

Nice.

IonaNE · 22/12/2016 22:16

These threads make me want to have a wedding just to be able to invite people saying "no food or drinks: hot, cold, soft or otherwise will be provided" just to see who are the people who want to come and see us get married and rejoice with us - and who are the ones who come to eat and drink for free and even endure a wedding to be able to do this.

multivac · 22/12/2016 22:16

Seriously, do people think that the bride and groom own the venue and profit from the catering? "Grabby"? Grow up!

Candlestickchick · 22/12/2016 22:16

The only food was canapés? Confused OK, I get that hot chocolate is optional for guests, but food fucking isn't.

squoosh · 22/12/2016 22:17

"no food or drinks: hot, cold, soft or otherwise will be provided" just to see who are the people who want to come and see us get married and rejoice with us'

Doesn't sound like even the bride and groom would be 'rejoicing' at such a joyless occasion!

MiladyThesaurus · 22/12/2016 22:18

DH's cousin's wedding was truly a masterclass in spending the entire budget on yourself and not caring about the guests. Fancy church wedding (with the vicar there to actually do the wedding and the cult leader minister from their own 'church', who probably charged them something ridiculous for his services). Fancy venue. Bride in a (beautiful) dress that cost several thousand pounds. Thousands of pounds of flowers. Expensive photographers (team thereof). 12 bridesmaids (all in unflattering brown dresses that they probably had to buy themselves).

No drinks provided to guests. Not even a jug of bloody water on the table. Food was a barbecue that was woefully undercatered (we're pretty certain they only paid for 2/3 of the guests to eat) but organised so that the wedding party all got served first and then guests in order of importance. As the cousins table we got to go last and had to discuss between us how we were going to divide up a chicken drumstick, one burger and two sausages between 8 of us. Luckily I had taken snacks. We considered actually getting pizza delivered at one point.

The thing that made it awful was the absolute certainty that it was only about what DH's cousin and his wife wanted and that we were only invited because they knew we'd write a cheque for £100 but otherwise weren't wanted or catered for. The wife wouldn't even acknowledge any of us even when we spoke directly to her (to say how beautiful she looked in the expensive dress).

NataliaOsipova · 22/12/2016 22:20

If you can't afford a wedding reception don't invite people to one. Or hire a church hall, have some tea and coffee and squash and a few trays of sandwiches and crisps and feed your guests for a small amount. Don't charge Starbucks prices for a bloody cuppa.

I completely agree with this. If you invite people, you provide for them - you are the host. You wouldn't accept an invitation to dinner and expect to pay for your drinks and food; equally, you wouldn't look askance if asked to bring a bottle or a plate of food. Same should apply to weddings, surely? Cut your cloth according to your budget. Don't book a swanky venue and expect your guests to foot the bill. If you don't have much money then hire a hall and ask people to bring a bottle - I'm sure they'll still be delighted to celebrate with you. And I say that as the nicest wedding I've been to in years was in their garden with just drinks and canapes.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 22/12/2016 22:22

The only time I've been Hmm at a wedding was when I was expected to pay for my own food (which we did, but we're still Hmm at). We provided wine during the meal at our reception but it was bloody expensive. That's a step to far though imo.

Candlestickchick · 22/12/2016 22:24

miladythesaurus that is atrocious! But to be fair, they might not have been after your gifts. We are inviting cousins we don't want there as we are being forced encouraged by FMIL. We don't want their gifts. We want them to decline the invitation.

However should they come they will find themselves fed and watered the same as everyone else there i hasten to add

hungryhippo90 · 22/12/2016 22:28

I think it's really stingy, but it's often not worth paying money for people to attend your wedding.
My wedding was really nice for the people who were invited. They had hotel rooms paid for, their drinks. 3 course meal with canapés and i honestly felt they were taken really good care of.
A few of my guests spoke like they'd been for a mini break instead of attending a wedding though so I can't blame the couple

MiladyThesaurus · 22/12/2016 22:28

Note on the under catering: the PILs (who were higher up the guest hierarchy than us) had assumed it was a buffet situation and you could go back for more. So they put a small amount of food on their plates. We had all wondered why the wedding party had piled their plates high. Clearly it was because they knew the food would run out completely.

So, yeah. There's the joy of celebrating someone else's marriage and there's spending a lot if money and being generous with your gift to have it made very clear that the B&G don't care if you eat or drink anything.

And it was a bloody summons. The same cousin's little sister is getting married next summer and we've been told in no uncertain terms that we must attend. BIL is getting out of it by being out of the country but DH's aunt is disgusted that he won't cut short his trip for the wedding.

DH, his other cousin, her parents and FIL have hatched a plan that we should all go out for lunch in between the church and the reception for this one.

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