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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is unbelievably tight for a wedding?

415 replies

StingyWedding · 22/12/2016 21:24

Recently attending a wedding of a friend. Amongst various other issues on the day I just felt it was a very poor and stingy wedding, at the reception they had a "hot chocolate bar" - they were charging for this (and tea, and coffee....)

Photo attached which they have proudly displayed on their Facebook.

Am I wrong to think of you invite people to a wedding you actually host and therefore provide for your guests? Not expecting a free bar but some table wine and soft drinks surely?

To think this is unbelievably tight for a wedding?

OP posts:

Bigbiscuits · 22/12/2016 21:50

I agree. This thread is really mean.

You obviously don't like the couple very much.

Gardencentregroupie · 22/12/2016 21:52

Providing a cup of tea is hardly a celebrity bash. Anyway it appears the OP has vanished so we'll never know whether there were cheaper drinks on offer , whether it was an expensive or remote venue, how many expensively dressed attendants there were, if any food was provided etc.

StillMaidOfStars · 22/12/2016 21:52

They spelled Baileys incorrectly.

And I checked the possibility of a possessive before I wrote that, so don't bother Googling

OP, I agree. Tight. Terrible, in fact.

ClashCityRocker · 22/12/2016 21:53

I highly doubt it's the couple who are pocketing the money. No doubt the venue sold it to them as a 'really good idea' and they thought 'why not?',

It's a shitty thing to put something so identifiable to both the couple and any guests online in such a disparaging way and tbh says more about the op than it does the couple.

DailyFail1 · 22/12/2016 21:53

It is tight. 'Basic' drinks such as tea/coffee/wine/water should always be free - if you can't afford that, then you need to reconsider the size of your wedding.

Hannah4banana · 22/12/2016 21:54

Having a free bar would be like a celebrity wedding where I live. I'm in scotland so you would need to be pretty well off to afford it with the amount we drink

acquiescence · 22/12/2016 21:55

Not bad form OP. Yanbu. This is a thread on AIBU. Stingy and mean and bad form - you shouldn't invite people to an event like a wedding and ask them to pay £2.50 for a cup of tea!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/12/2016 21:55

I particularly appreciate the fact that OP has selected Stingywedding for her username, just for anyone who might have been left in doubt about her feelings re the wedding.

StillMaidOfStars · 22/12/2016 21:55

Oh FFS, no venue that's 'cheap and cheerful and let's all have a jolly old time' has a hot chocolate bar. If there IS a hot chocolate bar, you know you're at a wedding where the happy couple could probably spring for a cuppa.

Unless they've crossed their budget threshold with a hot chocolate bar

Candlestickchick · 22/12/2016 21:55

Whether this is tight or not totally depends. If they just don't have much money then it's fair enough.

But if bride had a designer dress and the place was decked in flowers, then yes it's tight because they've clearly been willing to spend money on themselves for the wedding and prioritised that over those they are hosting.

Dilligaf81 · 22/12/2016 21:56

When i saod if you cant afford it sont do it, i meant if you cant afford a chocolate bar dontdo that not the actual wedding. Very few people have everythi g they would like at their wedding you make choices. I think £2.50 for a tea is ridiculous.

squoosh · 22/12/2016 21:57

I don't expect a free bar but charging for hot drinks is VERY tight.

newdaynewnane · 22/12/2016 21:57

Yes it's tight.

I didn't have a reception when I got married so I suppose I can't really comment but 2.50 for a cup of tea is insane. I bet it's the pots of tea they bring round which cost pence!

Original poster

StingyWedding · 22/12/2016 21:57

For all those saying this is a mean thread- no it isn't. This couple (we grew up together and are all in our forties) are well off and have a history of being tight. Even without that context charging £2.50 for a tea at a wedding is crazy. If the venue charged that much wouldn't you subsidise it? The venue was not in London either so not London prices.

Oh and there was no sit down meal either which is fine obviously that's not a requirement but just for those asking about food. There were canapes.

OP posts:

Hannah4banana · 22/12/2016 21:57

Would you rather not be invited if there is no free drinks we had a budget wedding that still went over our budget. We had to compromise on things we would like to offer but I'd hate to think anyone would talk about us behind our back.
I've been asked to pay towards a meal at a wedding of a close friend in a local pub and had no problem doing so as I was able to celebrate their special day. How mean!

MiladyThesaurus · 22/12/2016 21:59

People aren't slating people for not being able to afford a celebrity bash for their wedding.

Actually the problem is that in the past skint people did cheap weddings, with cheap, short receptions in the village hall/pub/etc. Now people who can't afford big fancy weddings try to have one anyway by passing the costs they can't manage onto their guests. Even worse they present this like they're doing the guests a favour.

I'd be delighted to be part of a bring a dish/bottle and share wedding reception in the local scout hut (for example). But it's annoying being invited to something weddings that are all fur coat and no knickers (and I had to pay to hire the fur coat).

ClashCityRocker · 22/12/2016 22:00

There not fecking forcing you to drink it ffs.

We paid for hot drinks after the meal - at our venue it was all or nothing, so we spent £200 on teas and coffees. Which were drank by two people with the rest deciding to stick to the beer. In hindsight, I wouldn't have bothered.

Original poster

StingyWedding · 22/12/2016 22:00

I wouldn't care about paying for drinks at a wedding obviously but I don't think you can lay on a gimmicky "hot chocolate bar" and charge guests. Extras like that should be free. It's the equivalent of having one of the sweetie carts and saying "Sweetie Cart! £5 per scoop."

Just don't put up a little cart serving hot chocolate if you're charging for it.

OP posts:

ClashCityRocker · 22/12/2016 22:01

*they're

Gardencentregroupie · 22/12/2016 22:01

If I knew in advance a couple were having a wedding on a microbudget I would be happy to contribute to an appropriate reception - eg local pub, church hall, scout hut etc. A hugely overpriced hot drinks "bar" is just a pisstake.

ClashCityRocker · 22/12/2016 22:02

Don't you think it's a bit shitty to put something so obviously identifiable online?

I mean, it's not like it's a general discussion.

Let's hope this thread doesn't end up in the daily mail...

Charlottelouisa · 22/12/2016 22:03

I would not have got married if I couldn't cater for all of my guests for the whole day INCLUDING alcohol.
Isnt It enough that your guests are taking time out to come to your wedding, buy new outfits and a present , the least you can do is not let them spend a penny at your wedding.
I think it's embarrassing when you have to buy your own drinks at a wedding

StillMaidOfStars · 22/12/2016 22:03

Clash That's when a free bar comes into its own. Serve people whatever coffee and tea they want, or whatever brandy/whiskey/Bailey [sic] they want, or just another Guinness. Or more wine.

The guests choose the balance of drinks.

Mirandawest · 22/12/2016 22:04

We did have a free bar at our wedding this summer. Was in a marquee in our garden and so we bought the alcohol before and people drank it. And left some that we have been gradually finishing off .

I realise that's unusual but tbh I think that most places will include tea or coffee within the price for catering. I'd probably expect a welcome drink, a drink to toast with, maybe some wine on the table and then to pay myself for any other drink I wanted

MiladyThesaurus · 22/12/2016 22:04

The thing is, you actually choose the venue for your wedding. So if it's stupidly expensive, that's something you think about and factor into whether you can afford it. There are always other options for celebrating your marriage.

That doesn't mean you need to provide a free bar all night, for example. But it seems basic courtesy to ensure that you have catered in such a way that your gran can have a cup of tea.

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