To think this is unbelievably tight for a wedding?

[StingyWedding]

Recently attending a wedding of a friend. Amongst various other issues on the day I just felt it was a very poor and stingy wedding, at the reception they had a "hot chocolate bar" - they were charging for this (and tea, and coffee....)

Photo attached which they have proudly displayed on their Facebook.

Am I wrong to think of you invite people to a wedding you actually host and therefore provide for your guests? Not expecting a free bar but some table wine and soft drinks surely?

A large number of guests remarked it was the best wedding they had been to As said to every bride and groom ever by every polite guest.

I have never been to a wedding with a free bar but the majority I've been to provided arrival drinks, a glass of fizz for the toasts, 3 bottles of wine per table and then tea or coffee after the meal. That's what we did and I think it's more than reasonable. Not providing any refreshments for your guests is poor manners imo.

Horribly stingy - why bother offering a "winter warmers" bar. If your guests have to pay?

Toe-curling, cringey behaviour - very poor form from that couple.

If they ask for, or expect, a wedding gift then they should provide non-premium drinks (wine, soft drinks, etc) at a minimum. If they don't want gfits then it's not a problem paying for your own drinks.

YANBU OP. Horribly tight and mean spirited of bride and groom.

A cup of tea is your most basic hospitality in the UK. Anyone coming through your door will be automatically offered one. So it really rankles with people to think you are a wedding guest and don't even warrant that. It's a rather powerful piece of symbolism to economise on!

The thread seems v much split between people who see the wedding as a celebration with a host (b&g) whose role is to look after their guests. And those who think the appreciation and gratitude should come from the guests simply for being allowed to be there and witness the wedding!

I cannot understand the latter camp. I think it's such a shame to expect guests to feel grateful for an invitation in itself and anything else they get is a bonus. There was an earlier comment something along the lines of 'you can't expect a bride and groom to forgo their dream venue and spend the money on cups of tea instead' which exemplifies this way of thinking. And is utterly arse about tit IMO.

The onus should be so on the bride and groom to look after their guests for the day, so that each act of hospitality says 'thank you for being here with us'.

On our wedding day we tried to do very small things to show our appreciation (in addition to providing food and drink!). We went round saying individual thank yous for being there, especially to those who had travelled; we went up to bar and got a round of drinks in for each group of people and brought them to them (initially free bar then pay bar) and we went round room and served the wedding cake to our guests after the meal.

Felt really good to do these v small acts of hosting. The thought of sitting as the bride (and groom) on your lily pad and watching people buy their own cups of tea is rotten!

I agree ovenchips. Giving a reception is about good hospitality. When I got married I was aware of how much it costs people to attend a wedding - outfits, hotel, travel, gift if they bring one - that I wanted to ensure I showed my appreciation by giving them plenty to eat and drink. It was the least I could do and the most important part of the reception.

Not the DM but it's been picked up by a NZ news site, hopefully obscure enough that the hosts won't see it...

Attending weddings has now become a financial burden for many.
In some cultures it is the height of bad manners to pay for ANY drinks.
I attended a Nigerian wedding and was shocked by the fact that there was a free bar. The lady who invited me said that Nigerian people would be horrified if they had to pay for anything .
I think that charging for coffee and tea shows a lack of class imho.

Not read the whole thread but I'd be pissed off if I was expected to pay £2.50 for a cup of tea at a wedding.

It's very expensive to attend a wedding when you include the engagement party (some people now expect you to go abroad and give them an engagement present), outfits for the wedding, wedding present, often hotel because the wedding's in the middle of nowhere, babysitters etc and then they expect you to pay £2.50 for hot water and a teabag? Would not be impressed.

YANBU OP. The least you should expect is a bottle of white and red per table and hot drinks. Many people feel obligated to go to weddings which put them seriously out of pocket. I could've gone abroad for the money I spent attending the las wedding I went to when I include the hen weekend and to be honest I probably would've had a better time.

The guests really come way down the list of priorities for many brides and grooms. I know of one currently in the planning where the bride to be is planning to ask her brides maids to pay for their own bridesmaids dresses. So they have to fork out for a dress they have no choice over that they can probably only wear once. Piss take.

The Daily Mail has found this, and from there Post Grad Problems has. It's the wedding tea thread heard around the world.

It's not stingy, not everybody can spend unlimited money on a wedding. It's time people stopped spending 20k on weddings and then complain that they can't buy a house.

I'm embarrassed for them.

Of course it's bloody stingy. Who on earth invites someone to be their guest at a celebration and makes them pay for a cup of tea?!?

Mind-bogglingly rude.

It's not stingy, not everybody can spend unlimited money on a wedding. It's time people stopped spending 20k on weddings and then complain that they can't buy a house.

If you can't afford to provide your guests with free tea and coffee, perhaps you need to cut down somewhere else in the wedding to do so. No one will remember your flowers, or realize your doilies ("there were doilies?") were made by a blind Ukranian woman with incredible talent. But they'll certainly remember you couldn't even provide them with a free cup of tea.

Exactly SantaPleaseBringMe!

As I said upthread there seem to be two distinct camps about the role of guests at a wedding. I really don't get the camp who don't view guests and their comfort as the most important element of the reception. And for that part of the day, the bride and groom are the hosts, and the guests are well, their guests!

You must want them there to celebrate with you 'cos otherwise you'd just elope, wouldn't you?