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Original poster

To think this is unbelievably tight for a wedding?

415 replies

StingyWedding · 22/12/2016 21:24

Recently attending a wedding of a friend. Amongst various other issues on the day I just felt it was a very poor and stingy wedding, at the reception they had a "hot chocolate bar" - they were charging for this (and tea, and coffee....)

Photo attached which they have proudly displayed on their Facebook.

Am I wrong to think of you invite people to a wedding you actually host and therefore provide for your guests? Not expecting a free bar but some table wine and soft drinks surely?

To think this is unbelievably tight for a wedding?
OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/12/2016 14:46

The 'friends' are tight gits. Good on threads like this. Maybe it'll make cheapskates think twice and realise their guests are not just props for their production. Hope the Fail picks this one up.

Bananabread123 · 27/12/2016 15:14

expat it's all down to cultural expectations... Asian weddings seem to be all inclusive, British ones aren't generally, though some are.... I've never been to a wedding expecting a free bar. When it's been free, it's a bonus. And I include a good number of 'middle class' weddings in that.

Also, given that £100 seems to be what some expect to spend (though I still contend this is excessive comparative to most people's spend - based on many in here £100 is seen as a fortune to have in disposable cash), multiplying that by your 100+ guests and you have a house deposit blown on one night of booze! I don't think it's at all unreasonable for the wedding host not to be expected to factor that kind of spending in. And if buying wine is ok, then I don't see how it's such a stretch to buy hot chocolate etc.... (though £2.50 does seem excessive and factor in a whopping mark up!).... at least not to the extent that it warrants online humiliation!

expatinscotland · 27/12/2016 15:18

With regards to the OP? No, it isn't. They're tight twats. It's fucking mean to not provide your guests with something to drink. Good on the OP! Weddings have become ridiculous in so many cases, guests expected to pay a fortune to play a role in the couple's drama.

expatinscotland · 27/12/2016 15:23

The best wedding I've ever been to was a bring and share. The guests were aware of that beforehand. The couple provided soft drinks, beer and wine although there was plenty left because people had brought a lot. But to show up and then find out you've got to stump up £2.50 for a cuppa? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Bananabread123 · 27/12/2016 15:27

They're tight twats. It's fucking mean to not provide your guests with something to drink

It doesn't say anywhere that there is no drink... for all you know there may be complimentary drinks on arrival, with bottles of wine/water on the table.... but with guests paying for additional drinks, as is entirely normal. But no, you are laying into this couple, jumping to conclusions and making snide comments, when you know next to nothing about the wedding. If anyone's being mean-spirited here it is you!

If I fancied a cup of tea and there was a cash bar, I'd expect to pay for the tea in the same way I'd expect to pay for any other drink.

HaveAWeeNap · 27/12/2016 15:42

At my wedding (s) and all the ones I've been to you get a coffee / tea after your meal at the reception!

expatinscotland · 27/12/2016 15:53

'But no, you are laying into this couple, jumping to conclusions and making snide comments, when you know next to nothing about the wedding. If anyone's being mean-spirited here it is you!'

Haahaaa! You must be the bride. Wind your neck in. It's a thread on MN. The OP said the couple isn't poor but known for being tight. So there you go. Glad she fronted them on the internet, which she's free to do.

On the other hand, if you're mug enough to pay £2.50 for a cuppa you can get in Costa for less, I've got some ocean front property in Austria I'd be interested in selling you Grin.

Footinmouthasusual · 27/12/2016 15:56

Really you think it's the right and proper way to behave by attending the wedding of 'presumably friends' and then proceed to take the piss and humiliate and identify them for being mean on the internet.

Wow just wow. That's low standards indeed.

derxa · 27/12/2016 15:57

You can usually get a free cup of tea or coffee at most garages or tyre places now. It's called courtesy.

Maverickismywingman · 27/12/2016 15:59

In most weddings I've been to, you only get a drink for the speeches.

Don't really thing this is a big deal. Weddings are bloody expensive.

expatinscotland · 27/12/2016 15:59

Well, Foot, I did state that I wouldn't have bothered going to their wedding because the OP said they are tight and I don't keep tight people in my life. But the OP is free to put it online, I don't see what's wrong with that, no. You think that's low standards, I think it's low standards to do this to guests. Horses for courses.

derxa · 27/12/2016 16:00

This must be a cultural thing I'm not getting. A 'friend's wedding' where you are treated really badly.

derxa · 27/12/2016 16:02

In most weddings I've been to, you only get a drink for the speeches
Gosh!

expatinscotland · 27/12/2016 16:03

'Weddings are bloody expensive.'

Beyond the cost of the license and the fees a Registrar charges to perform the ceremony, they are as expensive as people make them.

Grilledaubergines · 27/12/2016 16:11

Tight as fuck. If you are invited as s guest, you are just that and should be catered for. Given the expense you will have incurred yourself in being a guest.

Frankly if I was expected to shell out on food and drink, I'd rather not go and spend the money on something else instead. Probably moreso because I hate weddings and for me they're a chore.

Joz157 · 27/12/2016 16:12

Been on a few works do's to a local pub, the work where you buy your own or in a round and if I don't fancy booze then I get a tea or coffee. Don't really see the difference between that and buying your own at a wedding.

Original poster
StingyWedding · 27/12/2016 16:18

I'm glad there are people out there with standards who agree that these gimmicks at weddings where you are passing on costs to guests at extortionate prices and have no concept at all of what being a host actually is are pretty naff.

There is a huge difference between a bring and share or providing table wine etc and then a pay bar to actually erecting a little cart for anyone who wants a tea/ coffee /bailys hot chocolate whatever bailys is and charging (actually charging!) guests through the nose for it. Tea and coffee should be complimentary.

For those of you thinking my behaviour is hateful IMO it's nothing compared to that of the B&G who invited over 150 people as props for their photographs and didn't give a fig to any of their guests needs. That is what is truly shameful.

OP posts:
Catlady1976 · 27/12/2016 16:37

So many different opinions. I have only once been to a wedding with a free bar and I was amazed. We provided a sit down meal and drinks package for daytime guests and a massive evening buffet for evening guests but they didn't get a drink on arrival. Have I made a terrible faux pas?

Footinmouthasusual · 27/12/2016 16:41

Yes it's tight and bad mannered but it's worse behaviour to accept the invite abs go and then behave like this posting identifiable details of the couple on the internet.

Her behaviour is worse and being spiteful is worse than being tight with money.

Candlestickchick · 27/12/2016 16:46

150 guests?! OK at this point my sympathy for the B&G reduces. If you're on a budget don't invite 150 people. Invite 120 and pay for the damn tea and coffee.

PrimalLass · 27/12/2016 16:54

A large number of guests remarked it was the best wedding they had been to

I've said that to the b&g of every wedding I've been to. It is polite.

Brytte · 27/12/2016 16:59

It's difficult to know without being at the wedding. If I were otherwise fed and given a drink with dinner, it would not bother me to see a hot drinks bar. If it's a winter wedding, I'd assume it is a nice alternative to the regular drinks bar, where those who want extra hot drinks or non-alcoholic drinks can purchase their drink. If they were making a big wowie feature out of it, like a chocolate fountain, I'd think it off to charge guests for it.

expatinscotland · 27/12/2016 17:15

There was one memorable thread on here that was the 12-hour wedding with one scone. Middle of nowhere venue, nowhere to nip out and get food or alternative sources of food.

And there were dozens of other posters who'd have been to similar weddings and many even admitted to bringing food along as they'd been underfed so often at weddings that took place over mealtimes. Then there were still other brides-to-be coming forth saying that they planned on providing a sandwich and a couple of canapes per guest at weddings taking place over mealtimes and whinging about how expensive the venue was.

Then find a cheaper one! Don't invite so many! Have a bring and share. Have your wedding at 3pm and make it clear there will be a tea and coffee, cake and nibbles reception and that's it.

But meanness towards your guests because you want this big production at a venue is poor form.

LittleBearPad · 27/12/2016 17:19

It is tight.

Have a pay bar (and one that sells tea and coffee) if need be. But a twee little hot drink stall selling Tea for £2.50 is naff.

expatinscotland · 27/12/2016 17:19

I mean, look at it here. 'The caterers told us food at evening do's just gets thrown away so we didn't put any on.' Not even a sandwich or a bacon roll to soak up the booze people were buying. Wow. At least make people aware if you want them to provide their own food and drink so they can make an informed decision about coming along.

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