To think this is unbelievably tight for a wedding?

[StingyWedding]

Recently attending a wedding of a friend. Amongst various other issues on the day I just felt it was a very poor and stingy wedding, at the reception they had a "hot chocolate bar" - they were charging for this (and tea, and coffee....)

Photo attached which they have proudly displayed on their Facebook.

Am I wrong to think of you invite people to a wedding you actually host and therefore provide for your guests? Not expecting a free bar but some table wine and soft drinks surely?

Just thought given that just me and DH average £150 - £200 on drinks during an all day hotel wedding reception (and our friends are all similar) surely these paid bars must cost tens of thousands of pounds?!

No, because you have more consideration for bar prices when choosing venue than when you are passing that cost on to your guests!

Thank you, TheLivingAsheth! I'm new here and didn't realise pictures were clickable, so that's really helpful to know. The poster makes sense now, although I still don't know why the couple would upload it to their Facebook page - there's nothing exciting about it (bar the controversy it's evoked here).

Our caterers advised that most food is thrown away if you cater for evening guests as they generally eat before they attend. I would consider it very rude (and foolish) to turn up to an evening do expecting food and drink if it has not been specifically mentioned on the invitation. Certainly it would be frowned uppon and seen as grabby ammoung my friends.

I have been to at least 40 weddings (I am old)All over the UK ,different budgets. I've never been to one with a free bar including my own .
I have been to one alcohol free (a cousin, devote Methodists)
Every other has had welcome drink (s) wine with meal and something fizzy for toast Plus tea/coffee
Have just asked both DDs late twenties
One has been to one with free bar (12 weddings)
The other none .
Again all budgrets and all over Uk

I think this is outrageous....... and would be severely frowned upon by most guests where I'm from...... at my wedding there was a champagne reception (tea and coffee and biscuits for those who didn't want it) - lots of wine with the meal and my Dad bought the first drink for every guest at the wedding..... most people go to a lot of effort to travel for weddings - lots books hotels to stay over - some buy new outfits - get their hair done etc..... and then presents for the bride and groom...... so to be presented with having to pay for teas and coffees is outrageous...... and to those saying that they want to be there to see people they love / care about getting married - fine...... I see your point but I'd be ashamed to have had any of my family or friends have to pay £2.50 for a cup of tea at my wedding..... Costa charges less than that...... to me a wedding is also about being happy that your family and friends have accepted to be there on your special day and you want to treat them as much as possible........

I'm 30 I've been to one wedding with a free bar, and I was pregnant 😂😂. It was an Indian wedding and my friend told me they have to cater for anyone who could turn up, and invite all family friends etc. It was an amazing wedding!

I don't understand why they're advertising that you'd have to buy your own drinks....what else are you going to have to pay for?

At my wedding, guests only got a glass of bubbly for the toast. Soft drinks were included with the 3 course meal. They had to pay for all other alcohol because I am a teetoller and had a strict budget (and didnt fancy starting married life with a loan to pay for wedding). Everyone seemed to have a lovely time. I suppose if the hot drinks were an extra before or after meal, it would be ok with me?

Free flip flop and toiletries, all so gimmicky to me.

We had fifty family and close friends. Put on a spread of forgoing food and free flowing booze all night.

No favours, no little gifts that are promptly binned, so sweetie stand. Nope, just the good stuff. Provided with abandon for our guests, all of whom we are close to and wanted to be there.

It was an unbelievably good night, guests said that they wanted to do similar for their own weddings.

If a small child came out of a party and complained that they didn't get enough in their party bag, I bet most parents would tell them not to be so rude, and that they shouldn't expect 'stuff', the point was to celebrate the birthday of their friend.
I think we should all the same principle to ourselves as adults, you don't have to buy these things if u don't like the price (could ask for tap water if ur thirsty). The point of the event is to celebrate their marriage, and it's a shame to be so publicly critical :-(.

Not the same thing, though, is it amazda? It's more like if the child came out of the party hungry and thirsty as they had not been fed.

If you are hosting a social event, whether kid's birthday party or wedding, and your guests have travelled and dressed up to be with you (and probably brought you a nice present), then as the host you should feed and water them as appropriate. Just basic hospitality, like pps said.

Yes, weddings are expensive. Have a smaller wedding then (or spend less on a fancy dress and honeymoon).

Pember, the OP said there was food, i didn't see a suggestion that there was any charge for that, and there is always water available, so no need at all for anyone to be hungry or thirsty. We have also been to kids parties where a meal was not offered (often the case for swimming parties), so maybe that's a better analogy than the party bag.

I stand by what I said - I would consider it poor form for a child to moan about any aspect of a celebration they went to not being up to their idea of how it ought to be - yes, even if they weren't fed - it's poor manners to complain about someone's hospitality to others afterwards!

I've never been to a wedding and paid for drinks. Not been to alot of weddings recently and got a few coming up, wine is included. We had unlimited wine and beer at our reception. I'd hate people coming and thinking we were stingy so we just did it.

Every wedding is different and people do what they can afford. I love the party aspect of a wedding but the main event is seeing people we love get married

i have never been to a wedding with a free bar, even to a wedding that cost a fortune.
I would have loved to have had this at any of these weddings, and not minded paying!
Though one wedding did have a coffee place inside which i loved, though it wasn't open after a certain time.
Not everyone drinks at weddings and i get fed up of drinking bloody coke! A cup of coffee or chocolate would have been great!
I also think this is really mean, you're supposed to be their friend.

I can see a cash bar in certain situations, but charging for hot chocolate, tea, and coffee?!

bananagreen rude and grabby expecting food and drink at an evening reception? Wow, I've heard it all now.
There seems to be such low standards nowadays. As if people have no idea of basic hospitality anymore.

awayinamazda why call it a party, then? Thats just a trip to the swimming pool.

' I would consider it very rude (and foolish) to turn up to an evening do expecting food and drink if it has not been specifically mentioned on the invitation. Certainly it would be frowned uppon and seen as grabby ammoung my friends.'

What do you expect of an evening do then? To stand around fawning over the cheapskate couple who don't even provide basic hospitality to guests? Evening do invitations are pretty sneery as it is but to then show up and not even get a cup of tea?

The few weddings I have been to with a free bar have all been abroad. These were smaller, more intimate, weddings and there was less of a culture in these countries to overindulge in alcohol.

I don't think I have ever been to a wedding in the UK with a free bar. I suspect a free bar would have resulted in many really drunk guests.

I'm now wondering if it is a class thing?

In retrospect our wedding at a golf club with eye watering bar prices was the biggest regret - groom aside - I wish we'd had the reception at the local social club and provided a free bar and loads of food, that's what makes a good wedding. You don't always realise that at the time though

The free bar is very much a cultural thing.
I am Jewish and have a massive extended family and so have been to loads of weddings. All have had a free bar.
But culturally, Jews are not big on alcohol and so the free bar is barely used. The wine / soft drinks offered at the table are usually enough and people don't really want anymore.

I remember going to my first non-Jewish wedding of a university friend and being quite surprised that you had to pay for drinks. But people were knocking them back.

But I do find this thread quite shocking. I go to a wedding because I care for the people. And I would not care one jot if I was asked to pay for hot drinks in order to make the wedding affordable for them. It's all about bringing together the people that you love to celebrate with you. and being part of a community.

BaileyS
BaileyS
BaileyS

Im just annoyed they put Bailey

I invite people to a wedding because I care about them. As such, I would not hold my wedding party at a venue that fleeced my guests in my name.

Bailey was probably the triptease act. Guests charge £2.50 to lick the cream off her.