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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate staying at other people's houses

154 replies

rookiemere · 22/12/2016 21:15

Just back from a trip to visit family including 3 nights staying with 2 different families. Both were very hospitable and friendly, but Im absolutely delighted to be back home. In fact we were meant to stay for an extra night but changed because of the weather.

I was trying to pin point what I dislike about it. I think its because we sleep on a super king at home and keep the room quite cold. Also felt as if we had to be "on" all the time and Couldn't properly relax.

Is it just me that's like this?

OP posts:
ZouBisou · 27/12/2016 21:37

It's the being 'on' all the time that is the thing for me, that's a good way to put it.

We haven't been away this Xmas, but have had family staying with us for 6 days which creates the same effect.

I long to slob about in my own space being answerable to no one...

MuseumOfCurry · 27/12/2016 21:43

Ugh.

I have a beautiful bed and a cozy, snoozy dog who I adore waking next to. I love my first delicious can of diet coke (no one ever has this), fiddling about in my kitchen and watching a bit of TV until I eventually get around to making breakfast, pottering about with laundry, then eventually leaving the house around 2 for lunch.

Neither me being a houseguest or having houseguests is really conducive to a great weekend IMO.

PunkrockerGirl · 27/12/2016 21:50

YANBU.
For me it's the unbelievable levels of heating in other people's houses that I can't cope with. It does genuinely make me feel very unwell so I won't put myself through it any more.

MotherofPearl · 27/12/2016 21:50

YANBU. I also don't enjoy it. Just spent one night at the PILs, and while they're very hospitable and generous I was so happy to get home.
Like MaQueen I like my big bed and I too am a bed linen snob and only like pure cotton with a high thread count. Blush Also hate hunting for plug socket to charge phone, and not having the right kind of bedside lamps to read in bed etc etc.

ETanny · 27/12/2016 23:42

I'm very much a homebody. I don't even like sleeping in hotels all that much as I much prefer my own bed and pillows.

I also find my anixety goes into overdrive if I have to stop anywhere on my own without my husband...that includes sleeping at my mums (to be fair, now I can drive I don't have to do that).

I've put this down to the fact growing up I never slept out anywhere. Then when I was a teenager I had my first sleep over and I hated it so never really did it again till I met my husband and we moved in together.

Graceflorrick · 27/12/2016 23:53

I hate it and I also hate people staying here. It's only happened in the last few years though, before that we were always studying with friends and/or hosting guests.

Graceflorrick · 27/12/2016 23:53

*staying.

CantstandmLMs · 28/12/2016 00:03

Hate it (apart from going on holiday which I love and love a hotel!) the thought of it makes me irrationally angry 😩

ClementineWardrobe · 28/12/2016 00:30

Hate it, yanbu. DH, Australian, no longer wants to do 4-5 week visits home, so no more staying all over the bloody place down under. Hoobloodyray.
The houses are usually built for guests, but I still detest it. Family members homes here are even worse.

MuseumOfCurry · 28/12/2016 09:35

I have my sister and her family visiting for 8 days now. Shock Every day we have to do something and a brisk walk with the dog/lunch at the pub is not doing something.

BetterEatCheese · 28/12/2016 09:41

Also hate it and hate having to be 'on' all the time. Feel awful saying it as everyone has been so lovely and welcoming and hosted but I literally skipped in the door when we got in!

Schoolquestionz · 28/12/2016 09:50

I hate the 'doing something' thing.

Creating memories all the fucking time.

I can't say I sit around thinking about all the 'memories created' as a child all day long.

This generation will have to as their minds will be overloaded.

Schoolquestionz · 28/12/2016 09:51

Currently (happily) laid in bed with tea whilst kids play with their Christmas toys.

I'm sure I'll succumb to the 'doing something' pressure at some point though.

MaQueen · 28/12/2016 11:22

Our house is Georgian, and although we do have central heating, it's usually fairly cool (and a bit draughty). But I like it this way and think it far healthier than modern hermetically sealed houses with their double glazing and uber boilers.

Some of our friend's houses are so warm and stuffy, and the air is bone dry too. I always end up with a bad head and blocked nose.

SixthSenseless · 28/12/2016 16:00

To be honest , the majority of you do sound unreasonable .

Fussy , spoilt, inflexible and without the will or maybe social skills to navigate staying in someone else's home .

Excluding people with genuine anxiety / MH / emotional issues, Not wanting to be seen without make up, 'hunting' for plugs, unable to simply turn off a radiator In a bedroom or open a window , fussy about thread count for a night or two (presuming you are not being offered bobbly nylon), a less than perfect mirror position, etc etc, it adds up to a picture of prissy , weedy, women with a very low threshold at which minor familiarities become more important than spending time with friends and family.

Everyone's individual choices and feelings, but in answer to the question asked, yes, most of YABU.

MaQueen · 28/12/2016 16:07

But I keep my distaste at staying overnight, very, very much to myself. I wouldn't dream of letting my host know how I feel, either by word or deed.

And I am highly sociable and have pretty good social skills (I think?). It's just I prefer to deploy these skills in environments that I find relaxing. I still see my friends/family a lot, but avoid staying overnight with them.

MuseumOfCurry · 28/12/2016 16:37

Fussy , spoilt, inflexible and without the will or maybe social skills to navigate staying in someone else's home.

That's fine, I am indeed spoiled and inflexible (although I don't think I'm particularly fussy). I have a very precise idea about how I'd like to spend my weekends.

joystir59 · 28/12/2016 16:52

I hate it too, although I love spending time with friends, and the extra time you get by staying over is lovely- but I love being in my own space, my own sanctuary and we are both very happy when we are back home. For me I think it boils down to being in someone else's territory and not my own.

Original poster
rookiemere · 28/12/2016 17:01

Wow sixthsenseless - don't feel you need to hold back on saying what you feel.

It's OP here and I've said a number of times that I was grateful to the people who hosted us and that I hope I didn't let my discomfort show in any way ( but I accept that it may well have seeped through a bit).

I was genuinely pleased to be able to spend time with family and friends, but have made a mental note to restrict visits to one night and/or book a hotel . This means I can focus more on enjoying the time spent with people, rather than worrying about getting sleep during the night or if I should flush the toilet on one of my many nocturnal wee trips.

Oh and it's kind of hard to open the window when the key isn't there and to turn down the heat when your host has thoughtfully but rather unnecessarily put an electric blanket on for you in advance.
Perhaps you're right, we're all just spoilt bizzoms. I'm half surprised no one has mentioned refugees yet, like they did on my bed sharing thread.

OP posts:
SixthSenseless · 28/12/2016 17:19
Grin

I have no doubt that you are all lovely company, and that none, or few, of you actually make your hosts aware of your discomfort, and that good manners are maintained.

It's just that reading a whole thread of post after post detailing the level of 'my home, my own, my own, my own, this discomfort, that discomfort' is depressing and makes us sound a weedy generation, unable to cope with minor discomforts in order to enjoy a good old time with friends.

Is it the current emphasis on 'pampering', now replaced with 'spa breaks' that has made everyone so fussy about comfort or what constitutes having a nice time? Now that hotels are so impersonal as to be automated (premier inn / Travelodge and the like) OR have to be '5 star', it seems, have we lost the ability to be clear but not overbearing about what would help? to ask about radiators, or what time shall we all have breakfast? In former times people went to simple B&Bs, or lodged in other people's houses all the time. I don't see this awkwardness or fastidiousness playing out in other cultures.

It makes me feel frustrated - it's all so unadventurous!

But you're all happy with it, so that's fine, each to their own. It's must how the whole thread looks to me.

ellalouise123 · 28/12/2016 17:22

No I hate it! It's the 'being on' all the time, not being able to do what you'd normally do in your own home etc. I hate it to the point of if we go on a night out and it would be cheaper for me to just stay at my friends, i'd rather pay a bit more in a taxi and go back to my own house.

On the other hand I'm awful when people come stay, i never relax. I get up super early so no one feels awkward to be the first one up and i always make sure everyone has towels/toiletries and anything else that makes me feel anxious to ask for when I'm at other peoples houses.

MuseumOfCurry · 28/12/2016 17:31

Sixth you've misinterpreted my post (and probably others). We're fairly adventurous and very happy away from home - I just don't want to share quarters.

MuseumOfCurry · 28/12/2016 17:33

On the other hand I'm awful when people come stay, i never relax.

Yes. I am up at 7 making bacon/pancakes/eggs/hollandaise sauce and I hate it.

SixthSenseless · 28/12/2016 17:39

Nope, I get that lots of people here have said they like going on holiday and staying in hotels.

But that limits most people (me!) due to the cost, and my Mum would think I was bonkers if I went to stay and stayed in a hotel. Friends the same, and / or be a bot offended. My feelings are about the many and varied reasons people don't like staying the night in other people's homes (whether or not they actually go). 140 posts-worth of it all.

expatinscotland · 28/12/2016 17:42

Depends who it is. My sister's, my parent's, my best friend's, yes. I'm also fine with sharing tents and beds with mates.

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