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Original poster

To hate staying at other people's houses

154 replies

rookiemere · 22/12/2016 21:15

Just back from a trip to visit family including 3 nights staying with 2 different families. Both were very hospitable and friendly, but Im absolutely delighted to be back home. In fact we were meant to stay for an extra night but changed because of the weather.

I was trying to pin point what I dislike about it. I think its because we sleep on a super king at home and keep the room quite cold. Also felt as if we had to be "on" all the time and Couldn't properly relax.

Is it just me that's like this?

OP posts:
SpaceTheFinalFrontier · 26/12/2016 15:53

I love staying at my parents' house, mainly because I can just be myself and if I get bored there is always stuff I can do to be helpful, i.e offer to cook dinner, sort the laundry, take their dogs out for a long walk etc. Luckily we all enjoy the same TV and films too, so that's a bonus Grin

PIL's house is the polar opposite. They are very old fashioned and believe that guests should be waited on hand & foot, and absolutely refuse to let anyone lift a finger, no matter how much you insist. I can't even make myself a cup of tea. MIL insists that I "sit down" whilst she fusses around the kitchen. FIL is just as bad. If I say I'm fine with something (let's say, the temperature of the room), he won't accept my answer. He'll bring me a fleecy blanket, or just turn the heating up to full blast anyway. I'll be sitting there sweating and he'll be asking if I want to borrow a jumper. Yes, really.
They are trying to be the perfect hosts, but my god it is suffocating. I just want to treated as, and feel like, a member of the family, and not some sort of visiting foreign diplomat.

Lazyafternoon · 26/12/2016 16:57

Oh yes the bathroom thing is annoying! Not wanting to go to the loo in the night because having to fumble around finding light switches and worrying about waking the house (particularly the kids) by turning the lights on and hearing footsteps, loud flush etc. Then worrying about almost finishing the loo roll and not being able to see any more but not wanting to rummage through their bathroom cupboards! Then being on AF and feeling awkward leaving used pads (wrapped obviously!) in the bin. And mid poo or mid shower one of the children always desperately needs a wee, one thing in own home with own child just to let them in... Not with someone elses child though!

And temperature of the house, it's always too hot or too cold.
And food. They never have quite the same stuff and even if they say help yourself you still don't know what is is OK just to nibble or finish up.

And not having any control over what we watch on TV.
And feeling awkward wanting to help out when host is running about doing chores, but not knowing where anything goes to help clear up, and cleaning or hoovering or that sort of thing would be rude!

To be honest I do love visiting people and is nice to be looked after as most people are very friendly and hospitable, but it's not like being at home! A couple of nights is more than enough then I start to miss my own home and my own space....

daddyorscience · 26/12/2016 17:14

I always feel awkward and tense.. Not my home etc. In fact I rarely stay anywhere unless it's with the kids and me in a caravan or similar.

When I seperated, I spent the night on a friend's sofa.. I've known him and his wife 20 years or more, they had the JD and understanding ready... But I let myself out quietly at 7am the next day with a "thank you" card on the table. I don't think it's unusual at all..

dailymaillazyjournos · 26/12/2016 19:15

Totally with you. No matter how much I like the family or friends I find staying over exhausting, wearing and can't wait for my own place, despite everyone I know having far nicer homes than mine. I especially hate bathroom thing too and general lack.of privacy and needing to be sociable and amenable even when you don't feel either.

ginghamstarfish · 26/12/2016 19:57

Yes, agree, just back from staying at in-laws. So happy to be home and looking forward to my own bed and own choice of TV!

Applesauce29 · 26/12/2016 20:27

I'm so with you people. I hate staying away, especially the multi stop visit everyone Christmas trips that involve lots of packing, repacking, driving for hours and too many crappy motorway service stations. Did it once with toddler, and told MIL we're never doing it again -which has put her back up. Day 4 of her staying and can't wait for her to leave - I need some peace and quite and my space back (introvert)...

Baylisiana · 27/12/2016 00:23

Is there some kind of law that says once you hit 70 your house must become smelly, cold and musty and you have to eat mouldy food, even if you're comfortably off?

Um, no. No, there isn't. You sound very ageist and well, rude. I have actually never visited any house of someone over 70 that met any of those criteria. Quite the contrary, they are usually the loveliest homes. I can only assume that either you see things that aren't there, or it is just the people you mix with! Poor you.

AntiHop · 27/12/2016 00:41

I'm staying with PiL and I've got AF. So worried about leaking on the sheets!

toffeeboffin · 27/12/2016 00:55

But don't you find that when you have guests you have to change your own rules too? It ended up being 25 degrees in our house last night : 14 people and the woodburner going because people were cold Confused

I woke up dehydrated.

Original poster
rookiemere · 27/12/2016 11:38

Yes that's true toffeboffin. When my DF comes he turns up our heating so we are sweltering, but at least we can open the windows in our bedroom at night.

Oh and on the age thing. The people we stayed with were middle-aged - same as us and there was nothing wrong in their intrinsic hosting, they were lovely, it's just hard work for me to stay somewhere else overnight.

OP posts:
Middleoftheroad · 27/12/2016 11:51

I won't stop at anybody's house any more. Don't care who I offend. I like my own space, routine.
Don't like hosting either, but maybe as we are a small three bed with four of us and one bathroom. We are moving to five bed with 3 bathrooms and people already hinting they want to stay - might move to a self contained flat instead!

roodie · 27/12/2016 17:26

I spent xmas Eve at my parents' house for the last time and I told them so.
The bed is rock hard, their internet is shit, they'd no coffee, the house was cold and they didn't light the fire and they invited us (me and kids) over and then went out themselves. I think they think that we love the treat of being at home. The kids like waking up there on Christmas morning because that's where we lived when they were small, but no more, last year. Oh yeah, my mum had no cereals that weren't stale either. We didn't have Christmas lunch there luckily!

roodie · 27/12/2016 17:30

helpimitchy my parents follow that rule!

Schoolquestionz · 27/12/2016 18:55

I hate it.

I always thought it was me being miserable and antisocial.

Husband and I are giants. Hate double beds.

Didn't think about weird warmness of other people's houses until lots of other people mentioned. This too.

Ditto my weird loo habits (I go for lots of wees).

Like to eat when I want to.

Don't mind hotels as much but still don't wake fully rested.

What else - not massive fan of holidays. Kids out of routine, DD massively allergic to dairy.

I can understand the appeal of a break on a beach sipping cocktails with DH kind of...

I'm a miserable weirdo.

Schoolquestionz · 27/12/2016 19:01

Thought of another awful thing.

I'm 35 and it seems to be a 'thing'
that when we go on girlie weekends (uni reunions etc - also dislike despite being lovely to actually catch up) to share BEDS!

I'll be asking for my own room from now but I know I'm they'll be upset as it leaves an odd number.

Schoolquestionz · 27/12/2016 19:05

Other people's mirrors :-(

MaQueen · 27/12/2016 19:49

Hate it. I am very princessy particular when it comes to other people's standards (though you would never, ever know it if you were my host).

At home we have a super kingsize bed, with an expensive mattress, goosedown duvet and good quality bed linen. I also keep our bedroom quite cool, and we have a lovely en suite which is sparkling clean, power shower, lots of white fluffy towels and all my magic lotions & potions.

If I can't have that, as a guest, then I want a good hotel.

Have just returned from an overnight at in-laws, and whilst they are endlessly hospitable, their standards of hygiene/tidiness just makes me very uncomfortable. The bedroom is always roasting hot, bed is small and bedding is 25 year old polyester. Bathroom is shared, with unlockable door, dingy bath mat and fusty towels, and everything crusted with limescale [shudders]

Schoolquestionz · 27/12/2016 19:59

I'll stay at yours MaQueen.

This thread has actually given me ideas about how to host.

We're moving soon and I'll be thinking about getting a king size for the spare room.

We don't have people sleep over (house currently too small) but would be nice to think we will.

Violetcharlotte · 27/12/2016 20:00

I'm the same. Much prefer my own bed. I'm always pleased to get home from holiday.

DeleteOrDecay · 27/12/2016 20:13

Yes I am the same, we are staying at the in-laws tonight and although I do generally feel very relaxed here and we're only here for one night, I can't wait to get home. Our bed here is smaller than ours and not as comfortable so it's always a rough nights sleep. It's not helping that I'm ill and in pain so really just want to relax properly.

I am the same when it comes to holidays too. I'm a bit of a Scrooge really.

MaQueen · 27/12/2016 20:15

You're very welcome school ...except you're not, really.

I also hate hosting over night guests, but because our spare room is really nice, guests have their own bathroom, and the bed super comfy (apparently) people seem to actively want to stay [shudders]

It's not that I'm anti social, I am very sociable (honest) it's just that I love my own space in the mornings, and avoid conversation until after my 2nd cup of coffee.

Original poster
rookiemere · 27/12/2016 20:36

schoolquestionz OP here. I actually started a thread a few months ago about the awfulness of bed sharing with anyone but ones partner. Truly hideous and puts staying with others down the list of awfulness.

OP posts:
Schoolquestionz · 27/12/2016 20:39

This thread has shown me that I'm an introvert - I didn't realise it until now.

poorbuthappy · 27/12/2016 20:40

We are the same. We went to visit family today so no overnight stays. But still when we got off the motorway at our junction I said to DH isn't nice to be home.

And yes love going on holiday

I think we just get less comfortable not at home with other people the older we get.

Schoolquestionz · 27/12/2016 20:41

So bad! So awkward. (Bed sharing)

And I've decided - never again.

I'm not 22.