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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate staying at other people's houses

154 replies

rookiemere · 22/12/2016 21:15

Just back from a trip to visit family including 3 nights staying with 2 different families. Both were very hospitable and friendly, but Im absolutely delighted to be back home. In fact we were meant to stay for an extra night but changed because of the weather.

I was trying to pin point what I dislike about it. I think its because we sleep on a super king at home and keep the room quite cold. Also felt as if we had to be "on" all the time and Couldn't properly relax.

Is it just me that's like this?

OP posts:
CondensedMilkSarnies · 22/12/2016 23:13

I hate it ! It's all the awkwardness . Do you put your pyjamas on in the bedroom and then go to the bathroom or do you lug all your stuff into the bathroom and change in there ? And just as you're about to open your bedroom door to go to the loo, you hear someone else go into the bathroom, so you stand listening for them to finish . Then there's all the faff of getting up in the morning - do you go downstairs first if you're an early riser or do you wait for the host to get up first ?

I'm always conscious of not leaving the bathroom spotless (even if it wasn't in the first place) so I end up doing a deep clean after I've showered ! Then panic in case I've offended anyone ! It's a bloody minefield!

llangennith · 22/12/2016 23:16

It's an introvert thing.

MadisonAvenue · 22/12/2016 23:22

My husband thinks it's strange that I don't like staying over or having guests but it's what he's been used to from a young age.
They always lived a distance from family so frequently visited for weekends and had family stay with them.
My family were all local so there was never any need for anyone to sleep over at anyone else's house.

ohlalalalalalalala · 22/12/2016 23:28

yadnbu!!!
i am exactly the same!!! Complete weirdo and home bird, wouldnt have it any other way!!!

Sparklingbrook · 22/12/2016 23:33

I hate it too. Love a hotel but staying at someone else's house-no ta. No matter how many times someone says 'make yourself at home' I never feel able to. I don't sleep properly, get up early and wonder what I am allowed to do before anyone else is up.

Home is best.

80sMum · 22/12/2016 23:36

The older I get, the more I need my own space. I have always tried to avoid staying overnight in other people's houses if it could possibly be avoided. I also don't like having anyone to stay in my own house.

I just about (only just!) tolerate having DH living in the same house as me, but we have separate bedrooms and use different bathrooms!

cornflowerblu · 22/12/2016 23:36

I love holidays but I can't bear the thought of staying over at someone's house, I haven't done it for at least 20 years and we've never had anyone to stay either thank goodness

CaraAspen · 23/12/2016 00:17

Why?

KnitsBakesAndReads · 23/12/2016 00:20

YANBU. I find it really stressful too, no matter how lovely the hosts are. For me I think it's two things - firstly I find sudden changes to plans difficult so I struggle when I'm in situations where plans for dinner, activities, etc change without my knowledge. And secondly, I struggle being around people (other than immediate family) for too long without a break, but I always feel it would be rude for me to excuse myself to go and have some rest time so I end up totally exhausted and overwhelmed by the end of the day.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 23/12/2016 00:28

I'm the same. Find it very stressful and would much rather stay in a hotel - the only exception is my Mum's house, which still feels like home even though it's not a house I've ever lived in. I do like having people to stay, though. But will probably enjoy it more when we can afford a place large enough that they don't have to sleep on an airbed in the living room... That's definitely an arrangement with about a two night limit for all involved.

Sunbeam18 · 23/12/2016 00:42

Yep, the pits. Worst of all is staying at someone else's house with your young child who gets up very early so you have to get up with them and go downstairs to give them breakfast etc in your pjs before anyone else is up. I can't bear anyone seeing me before I'm showered, dressed, hair done, make up on so find it all v stressful.

Ladybirdbookworm · 23/12/2016 00:47

Wow I must be weird
I love love love staying at someone else's house - we are going to my friends on boxing day and I can't bloody wait
She's a fabulous host and I might never come back home

oldlaundbooth · 23/12/2016 00:56

Nope, I'm the same.

We have a super king too and keep the house at 19 degrees. Bliss.

Everywhere else they have tiny beds, it's 24 degrees and I have to keep asking for stuff. Not the same as chez nous. I would faaaar rather stay in a hotel, I can actually relax!

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 23/12/2016 01:01

I prefer my own home. I find the mornings stressful. Because I don't want to get in anyone's way I lie in to make sure that everyone else has finished with the bathroom - usually with a full-ish bladder. Getting up to use the loo in the night - will I wake anyone up?

The central heating up to top notch so it's too hot so switch the radiator off. Small bedroom stuffy so open the window - then the door starts to rattle in the breeze.

I definitely prefer my own home.

oldlaundbooth · 23/12/2016 01:01

It's worse when you stay with family for a few days and have to do laundry : none of my family have tumble dryers so you have to hang soggy clothes up everywhere Confused

That and tiny beds, so uncomfortable! And no dishwasher so endless bouts of washing fucking dishes.

kiwimumof2boys · 23/12/2016 02:09

Oh you are so NBU.
I've always hated sleepovers - as a teenager my group of friends were really into them which I HATED. I have always had trouble sleeping, multiply X100 at other people's houses.
Going to my mum's tomorrow for a few nights which will be hell in itself - totally dreading it - can never sleep at her house. Too noisy. My in laws in worse - they never clean their house, it is always totally filthy - think grime on the light switches, junk everywhere, never vacumned etc. I can never sleep there.
I probably sound ungrateful (and I prob am haha) but glad I'm not the only person here who hates it!

Original poster
rookiemere · 23/12/2016 10:56

Just enjoyed a lovely nights sleep in our own bed. Gawd it was good. Thank you Storm Barbara!

I feel slightly sad as whilst it was lovely to catch up on friends and family we hadn't seen for ages, I spent most of the time absolutely desperate to get back home again. Definitely going for the Premier Inn option next time - and we'll get a full cooked breakfast without having to fanny about in someone else's kitchen to make it.

OP posts:
Realitea · 23/12/2016 11:11

I hate it too and every Christmas I have to do it which puts a real dampener on Christmas for me.
There is never hot water so baths have to be planned and there aren't any locks on the bathroom doors.
it's always 24 degrees with a fire burning away too.
I find it massively stressful.

Dazydazy · 23/12/2016 11:13

Great thread. NYNBU. Relieved to see so many people feel the same. I usually make the mistake of looking forward to a break from routine and then find that (sadly) the routines are unbelievably important to me.

This time of year even more than ever. Visiting, and being visited. It all looks wonderful in the diary until we get to maybe 10th December and then...

PeachBellini123 · 23/12/2016 11:19

I'm the same. I can't totally relax in anyone else's house so I love being in the comfort of my own. Love hotels though!

mistermagpie · 23/12/2016 11:22

I'm the same, I love going on holiday and hotels but hate staying with other people and having them stay with us. I just feel you can't relax, worry about too long in the bathroom, not helping enough with cooking etc, baby being noisy and waking people up blah blah blah. I'm quite unsociable as it is though!

Shiningexample · 23/12/2016 11:25

I hate it and so I don't do it, last time was about 15 years ago
I also never have overnight guests
I don't understand why so many put themselves through it when they dislike it so much

mistermagpie · 23/12/2016 11:31

It's definitely an introvert thing - a few hours in people's company wears me out no matter how nice they are and how much I love them. I have really enjoyed that since having a baby we have a ready-made excuse for leaving things early!

SomeKindofNightmare · 23/12/2016 13:14

I love having guests, we do have lots of room though. We both live a long way from our families so there's a lot of visiting back and forth. We bought this house partly because of the layout which makes it possible to have pretty much a dedicated guest suite at one end of the house and be able to avoid the things for our visitors that we've found we dislike about staying with others.
We always book into a hotel (with the exception of one set of friends we visit who have a set up similar to ours, plus they're the only people we can vacation and travel with we don't want to kill by the end of the trip) we've had family members argue about it but if anyone takes it as a slight on their home, it's not at all, it's just important to us to be at ease away from home, be able to escape for a few hours and mostly not put anyone else out.
I hate having someone, usually the kids, have to give up their room for us or, worse, having to camp out in a living room. Temperature is important too, why do some people keep their homes so hot at night? I'm a chronic insomniac also, nothing worse than tiptoeing around at 3am in someone else's home, dying for a coffee but scared to wake everyone up by rattling through cupboards looking for things.

Original poster
rookiemere · 23/12/2016 13:22

Your house sounds ace somekindof - I'd stay there any day.

I've just understood as well why I hate the concept of AirBnB. Nothing worse than sleeping in someone's spare bedroom, feeling in the way and having to pay for it. We more or less gave up on BnBs when - on a rare childfree break without DS - we were told that we had to have our breakfast by 8am so that the host could do the school run.

Shining - I guess we forget that we hate it so much. I remember last Christmas feeling the same way after staying at SILs for a couple of nights and then same at DPs. I'd absolutely love to stay at a hotel instead, but DS loves being with his cousins and feel that I'd insult SIL. Generally we go away for a week at a cottage and that's a lot better as nobody owns the space.

OP posts:
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