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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate staying at other people's houses

154 replies

rookiemere · 22/12/2016 21:15

Just back from a trip to visit family including 3 nights staying with 2 different families. Both were very hospitable and friendly, but Im absolutely delighted to be back home. In fact we were meant to stay for an extra night but changed because of the weather.

I was trying to pin point what I dislike about it. I think its because we sleep on a super king at home and keep the room quite cold. Also felt as if we had to be "on" all the time and Couldn't properly relax.

Is it just me that's like this?

OP posts:

HeyRoly · 23/12/2016 13:24

Oh, I HATE it. Agreeing with the PP who said it's about being "on" all the time, no privacy, other people's schedules and central heating timers, queuing to use the bathroom (I don't know anyone with more than one bathroom ) etc etc.

We used to stay at the in laws' house when we visited them, but since we moved slightly closer to them we always come back home to our own beds. I thank my lucky stars every time Christmas rolls around.

limon · 23/12/2016 13:26

I hate it too. I rarely sleep well at other people's houses.

GoLightlyHollie · 23/12/2016 13:31

I also hate it. With a passion. (Although I like hotels etc.) What I hate is the next morning. I'm a grumpy old bitch in the morning and until I've had a chance to wake up properly, have a shower and put my make up on, I'd sooner not have to communicate with anyone. Of course that is a bit rude so to avoid being rude I just avoid staying. MUch to my MILs chagrin. Hence on Christmas morning we are driving to hers, staying the day and driving back again that night. Means no booze for the DH but I'd sooner that than stay over.
Glad it's not just me.

80sWaistcoat · 23/12/2016 13:35

I'm really not keen on it. Unless I know the person incredibly well and its just me and them. So by best friend yes - in her very messy house - but not when her boyfriend is there! OK at my sisters but wouldn't stay there with DH.

In fact I don't like staying in other people's houses with my DH as he swans about places likes he owns them and it makes me tense.

Also I don't sleep well, have menopausal night sweats and like to potter around to get a cup of tea at 6 am and not expect anyone to get up and try and keep me company.

I'm just a miserable git and am far happier in a hotel.

SomeKindofNightmare · 23/12/2016 14:01

We love it rookie only moved in in May, we relocated for my DH's work just over a year ago. We lived in a tiny 1bed apartment for a few months (with most of our stuff in storage - I'm still unpacking boxes of books and music collections so every day's Christmas) while we looked for a house and when we found this one it was like it had been built and designed just for us. We couldn't believe our luck, still can't.

Spacious, comfortable accommodation for guests while ensuring our own space was important because we are hundreds of miles from my DH's family and thousands of miles from mine, so visits are usually longer than just a couple of days and we've already had 3 sets of visitors who've loved it. We've had this conversation so many times with others and we've all said exactly the same things as on this thread,

Original poster

rookiemere · 23/12/2016 14:28

80s waistcoat - totally get what you are saying about your DH.

I'd stayed with these set of friends before and actually found it ok, but this time not so much. I was putting it down to the fact that DH and I are unused to sharing a double rather than a super-king, but it was also DH seemed much less aware than I am of what could be conceived as annoying from a guest.

So at my cousins he launched into making poached eggs, asking my cousin where everything was, just at the point when he was trying to get his DCs ready for school. Also less acknowledgement that the kitchen of our hosts was spotless - so any cooking on our part resulted (for me) in an equal amount of tidying and putting away, but not so much for DH.

OP posts:

CigarsofthePharoahs · 23/12/2016 14:43

I am like this too. I'm fine with hotels, but find it incredibly uncomfortable to stay in someone elses house.
I feel similar to other posters. Especially the personal space and too warm houses! I like my bedroom cool.
Also my GP thinks I have fibromyalgia. This means that sleeping on anything other than our expensive mattress with its six inches of memory foam leaves me in tremendous pain. I can't just rough it.

ForalltheSaints · 23/12/2016 15:21

I am not keen either. Like the comfort of my own bed, also not having to use other people's bathrooms.

SixthSenseless · 23/12/2016 15:42

Please, please, none of you come and stay with me.

How will I know? And how will I know if my hosts are any of these guest - averse people, too?

Could there be a secret sign?

Original poster

rookiemere · 23/12/2016 19:25

Sixthsenseless - usually we will avoid staying with other people, particularly if you keep your house very hot and have an uncomfortable guest bed. You'll probably recognise us in any visitor who forks out to stay at the Premier Inn half a mile down the road, in preference to enjoying a free stay.

I do hope that my discomfort wasn't obvious to my hosts. I expressed gratitude many times whilst making a mental note not to do it again.

OP posts:

80sWaistcoat · 23/12/2016 20:29

rookie exactly Dh not realising what's annoying! Asking for decaf tea, ordering v v meaty expensive takeaway starter at Brother completely veg household...and asking loudly why I was kicking him under the table...

Dayatatime · 23/12/2016 20:49

I hate it! We always book into a hotel. I need somewhere to escape to. It's the whole waiting for people to go to bed/get up etc

twilightcafe · 23/12/2016 23:10

I have found my tribe!

My mum cannot understand why I would rather book into a Premier Inn than stay at hers, either on my own or with my DCs.

I am too old to sleep squashed up with one or more of my children in uncomfortable beds with polyester bed linen. Plus my mum's cooking is getting more and more strange, so at least with Premier Inn I know we will be able to eat the food.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 24/12/2016 14:40

I wouldn't stay anywhere I wouldn't be comfortable having a bloody great fart/shit if I needed one.

So mum's - ok. Anyone else - no thanks.

OMGtwins · 24/12/2016 19:42

I am currently away and chillin' (quite literally, given the rest of the house is a sauna) upstairs in our room with the windows open, the radiator off and the door shut. Quiet, antisocial bliss 😆

Original poster

rookiemere · 24/12/2016 20:49

I on the other hand am having a great time with a living room full of guests. we've just finished playing bingo. Crucially though I get to sleep in my own arctic room in our chilly super king. Bliss

OP posts:

snapcrap · 26/12/2016 07:46

Oh yes another introvert/hater of staying at other people's houses person here. The only place I like staying is my in laws as they are so laid back and it feels like my home. Anywhere else - shudder.

Banana25 · 26/12/2016 08:07

I forget how much I hate it until around ... 1am when I realise I can't sleep because the mattress is crippling my back. Six hours later with an assortment of makeshift solutions i.e; pillow under back, laying on the floor... I want to cry.

Also agree about constantly needing to be 'on'. This morning I had to get up, put a full face of makeup on at 6am just to avoid the bathroom que, and rather than having my usual grumpy morning coffee had to stand and make conversation with my husbands cousin for half an hour.

I miss my own space so much, I just feel like an intruder. Like I can't go anywhere other than the guest room. But I'm so grateful people let us stay. It really wouldn't be possible to see our families otherwise.

RoseGoldHippie · 26/12/2016 10:34

I feel the same however there are a few places I feel at home (1 particular friend and my parents) apart from those places I always fee I have to be a certain type of myself, always happy always on, can't just relax with the tv on

Shodan · 26/12/2016 11:42

I'm the same, as are most of my siblings. One of my brothers even brings his own tent (small,hikers type thing) and puts it up in the back garden rather than sleep in the spare room. Weird, but works for both of us because I don't like overnight guests either

I'm going to Baltimore in spring to visit a friend. Our mutual friend was shocked to hear I'll be staying in a hotel, rather than at her aunt and uncle's place with her- I was horrified at the very idea!

MagicChicken · 26/12/2016 11:51

I don't think anyone really enjoys it to be honest. At best it's something that needs to be tolerated in order to spend time with your wider family when you don't have the luxury of living a short distance from them. But how awful it is really depends on how laid back your hosts are. I love my SIL and BIL dearly but they are dreadful uptight hosts. We have this unspoken mutual acknowledgement that they'd much rather be our guests than us be theirs. As guests they are no trouble. Well, almost no trouble anyway.

SpookyPotato · 26/12/2016 12:26

I don't like it either, didn't mind it too much before kids but now it isn't easy. I think it's mainly the having to be sociable all the time and seeing the same people for long periods. My ILs live abroad so visits are always long ones, I long for the day we can pop in once a week. It keeps everything fresh and no-one gets sick of each other!

TheSlaughterOfHerodificado · 26/12/2016 12:57

Oh Lord - I love my own bed - full of husbands (1) cats (2) and dogs (2)

Can't sleep without a lot of snores in different keys (and occasional bum fluffs)

OMGtwins · 26/12/2016 13:59

I think I have a 1 night/36 hour limit... at ILs and feel like I'm being slowly dessicated because of the heat in the house! We bring the kids and FIL spends most of the time in his study or picking up after us/being ocd about mess and/or food because he "doesn't know how to talk to toddlers". What is the point of us coming then?

helpimitchy · 26/12/2016 15:06

We used to have to go to PIL's every xmas. Big, damp, musty house. All rooms freezing apart from the kitchen which was always too hot. Lots of food in, but nothing you could actually eat as everything was out of date, old, musty or in some way dubious. I used to live on toast and cereal all xmas.

A particular low point was when I was staying in one of the rickety single guest beds and realising the bedding hadn't been washed because it smelled of the previous occupant I'm a bit of a clean freak and it really made me feel uncomfortable and unhappy.

Also, dh and fil once had the bright idea of removing the telly to prevent bil from hogging it when they visited. I spent all xmas trying to entertain ds1 who was hyperactive and irritable at the best of times, but at least he'd watch tv for a bit. I had to follow him around from freezing cold room to freezing cold room trying to prevent him from knocking things over and fiddling. That was one of the worst xmases ever, totally miserable and difficult.

Is there some kind of law that says once you hit 70 your house must become smelly, cold and musty and you have to eat mouldy food, even if you're comfortably off?

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