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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think cards with the recipient named on the front are common?

348 replies

AddToBasket · 20/12/2016 20:56

Class issue alert: inflammatory if you are bothered by that sort of thing

I was told that cards with 'To my wife/Grandad/Auntie' on the front were considered a bit non-U.

AIBU to go on thinking they're still a dead giveaway of background? Or are they OK?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

MistressPage · 21/12/2016 19:11

I think it's because while Granny is a diminutive of Grandmother, Nanna seems a step too far and a bit lazy. So I suppose for me it's language snobbery rather than class snobbery.

MrsKoala · 21/12/2016 19:12

Agree Laurie. A reaction to a couple of simple syllables seems about more than the way it sounds. Unless it's funnel of course, funnel is just wrong.

Ginslinger · 21/12/2016 19:15

and moist - moist is always wrong - the world will end through a moist funnel

MrsKoala · 21/12/2016 19:19

That's made me feel a bit sick Gin. bluuurch

Rixera · 21/12/2016 19:27

Agreed nineloves.
When growing up I spent a lot of time with very upper class sorts and I think the attitude of the truly ahem 'u' is to be slightly nonplussed/oblivious to such things. Only truly peculiar things like buying your own furniture is to be commented on, and even then it's with a laugh and a 'how unusual!'.

The 'u' do not notice class, in the same day as white people do not notice race, because they have the luxury.

To emulate the u, adopt a laissez-faire attitude to virtually everything.

CaraAspen · 21/12/2016 19:41

Yes. Everybody knows that! Hardly news.

limitedperiodonly · 21/12/2016 20:04

greedygorb Wed 21-Dec-16 18:13:27
What I want is a massive big padded silky card in a box. With To my Girlfriend on it. Never got one when I was young.

I did greedygorb. It was awful because I gave him a small card from a selection box and all his friends laughed. But it was my favourite with a cute squirrel on it. He dumped me in the new year. Years on, I still cant work out whether it was the card or the fact that I wouldn't shag him that doomed our relationship.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 21/12/2016 20:27

I don't buy them because:

I generally find the pictures on them a bit cliched and not as nice (or funny!) as ones on cards designed for anyone.

I don't want verses.

If I want a personal message in the card, I'd rather write that message myself.

The person knows they are my wonderful partner/dear daughter/ treasured mother etc, so I don't feel like I need that to be explicit.

Blacksox · 21/12/2016 20:31

Bleurgh! I would never in a million years buy a card with 'aunt/uncle/mum/dad/daughter etc etc' on the front. So naff!

I don't actually buy cards for anyone, but felt it necessary to steam in.

whyhastherumgone · 21/12/2016 20:31

Hahahaha Ginslinger you're my hero.
This thread is hilarious. I'm clearly a commoner as I have never come across "non-U" before.

whyhastherumgone · 21/12/2016 20:32

Posted before I had finished!
I don't mind the idea of "grandad" and "nan" etc on cards - my nan gets really offended if she doesn't get one! But generally the designs of these cards are a bit naff (cards in general are pretty poor IMO) so I avoid unless recipients are particular to them. Just a matter of personal choice surely?

banivani · 21/12/2016 20:59

This thread is terrifying as well as amusing. I am not British and I live in Sweden. I've made contact with an English relation who has sent birthday cards and Christmas cards, which has shamed me into sending a card for Christmas myself. Their cards to us are all named, very specifically, and we had a bit of a laugh here over the fact that you could get such specific ones at all - but I didn't realise it was A Thing!!! Will they be terribly offended at my multipack charity cause card with a handwritten message inside? 😬 I think any card is above and beyond myself. 😉

Although reading mumsnet for a while I've realised the British (or just the English?) are a bit potty about cards. I've filed this knowledge away for future reference. Hopefully being foreign lets me off the hook...

Zoflorabore · 21/12/2016 21:06

You've got too much time on your hands love

Have you been past a card shop this week?
They are full of people buying personalised cards but then again I am in the north west so must be excused, I think it's more thoughtful to receive a card that someone has actually sought out just for you- what the hell is wrong with that? I can't get the snobbery here sometimes.

Christmas cards my arse

MrsKoala · 21/12/2016 21:08

This year i've decided enough is enough and the last year i do named cards for my sister and her family. To one household i have had to send cards to Aunty and Uncle from each of my 3 (which i write as the oldest is just 4), a Sister and BIL from me and dh, 2 cousins from each of my 3, and 2 niece cards. That's TEN CARDS! Each addressed and posted separately. It's madness. Birthdays are equally insane.

After xmas i am going to say can we just do one card from each 'house' to the other. Not sure how well that will be received tho. Might be frosty!

LaLaLolly · 21/12/2016 21:17

However I do admire the skill if some people to find exactly the right one, no matter how obscure the personal connection.

I agree; and it's amazing how oddly specific they can get (Congratulations on your driving test, Dear Step Daughter)

I've never seen a nice one.

whirlygirly · 21/12/2016 21:34

I think they're a bit naff and classify them in the same category as those which come with pre printed sentimental shite inside.

wasonthelist · 21/12/2016 21:52

I think it's more thoughtful to receive a card that someone has actually sought out just for you- what the hell is wrong with that? I can't get the snobbery here

But it can be thoughtful and personal without having to specifically state the precise relationship between the giver and recipient can't it?

I mean it's not as if 1000s of other Step-Grandpapas all over the place aren't getting the exact same card with the exact same trite message inside is it? Getting a card that says who you are when you know already isn't really any more personal at all.

Toomuchhistory1 · 21/12/2016 22:05

If I have time in buy named cards, if I don't they get the ones from the box pack, end of. Honestly is it that worthy of a debate and linking to being upper class or not, WTAF

Offred2 · 21/12/2016 22:06

I personally couldn't be bothered to seek out a specific and different christmas card for each type of relation.

Overly specific cards are weird. I saw one the other week with a cover which was along the lines of "congratulations on the occasion of your grandson's barmitzvah". (And I don't even live in a particularly Jewish area!)

lilyb84 · 21/12/2016 22:16

I always get lovely personalised cards like this from my family, sometimes super specific like "daughter, son in law and family" type stuff. I think it's endearing. I reciprocate on years when we have enough money to buy them, otherwise the family get generic ones along with everyone else.

Have never had a personalised one from DH's family and they're much posher than us so maybe there's something in it op

BUT I can never find a card with 'nanny' on it (which is what my mum is to ds). Just grandma, grandmother, nan and nanna. Surely other people say nanny?!

NeverNic · 21/12/2016 22:48

Have also noticed a lack of 'Nanny' cards recently. When I was little (80s) everyone's Gms were Nannys. Think Nana is more popular these days.

I do buy cards with names on. I look around and pick cards I like. If I can't find one with the correct name or number (for birthdays) then I choose a card I like instead. It has to be the right card. For Christmas I buy named cards for parents, husband, sons, 1st Christmas and ggm. I don't for siblings, cousins etc. I do tend to make photo cards for immediate family, which does away with needing 'special' cards. My children also use unusual names for their gps, so we do tend to moon-pig for birthdays when I'm being organised.

Can't say I've ever thought much into buying thes cards as a class thing. I think it's more an age thing. Almost everyone I know around my age has stopped doing them.

tigerdriverII · 21/12/2016 22:51

It's the verses that get me, although I don't really like named cards. When it was my late Dad's 80th, I knew he and Mum would like to see a named card, but they all had such slushy fake verses, going on about 'wisdom', 'being special ' and so on. I didn't like my dad at all and wisdom was in short supply around him and didn't want to say something so untrue. Eventually I found a bland one saying something like best wishes for your special day or suchlike.

TheSlaughterOfHerodificado · 21/12/2016 23:01

Hopefully being foreign lets me off the hook...

We are very forgiving banivani

banivani · 21/12/2016 23:15

Slaughter I sincerely hope so 😉 Anyway I wouldn't find that sort of thing here. They don't go further than a few "to the world's best granny" type things. Which I wouldn't buy because I'm in the camp that finds them impersonal, so this thread has me learnt hasn't it!

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 21/12/2016 23:28

Still confused what non-u is

I found a really cute Nanna card my mum will be pleased

I love my mummy cards

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