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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think cards with the recipient named on the front are common?

348 replies

AddToBasket · 20/12/2016 20:56

Class issue alert: inflammatory if you are bothered by that sort of thing

I was told that cards with 'To my wife/Grandad/Auntie' on the front were considered a bit non-U.

AIBU to go on thinking they're still a dead giveaway of background? Or are they OK?

OP posts:
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5
GoldenWorld · 21/12/2016 11:59

I thought everybody gave named cards. I thought it was normal! Oh well, you live and learn. My parents would be insulted if I gave them a bog standard card out of a pack. I do love tacky to my wonderful sister cards from Card Factory for 20p though.

Never knew the term Nana was common either. Better not tell my very uncommon Nana that, she'd be horrified her chosen title is looked down upon. Grin

IcedVanillaLatte · 21/12/2016 12:00

I think its really however your parents raised you, nothing to do with class really as my cousin is doing very well for himself and was brought up to do the same thing.

The English class system (which despite protestations to the contrary is not unique; many many places have similar stratifications or broad divisions of society which are reflected culturally) is precisely about the prevailing cultural norms you were brought up in, and not really to do with doing well for yourself or otherwise (at least, not within a single generation). I think it's interesting to see how certain cultural traditions tend to clump with other cultural traditions in a way that remains down the generations despite whatever job changes might happen e.g. a shop foreman and a textile factory worker have three sons, who become a sailor, a doctor, and a salesman. All very different jobs with different cultural expectations and effects on lifestyle.

But those three men still have lots of behaviours and preferences in common that link them with anyone originating from that particular social grouping of manual and skilled artisan labourers in a northern industrial town. But that then gets modified by who each of them marries, too, so you get a mingling of cultures. My dad is one of those three sons and so part of my family's Christmas traditions reflect that background. My mum comes from a family where sons were sent to Rugby, not through being upper class but by being successful merchants, which is another social category which tends to be linked with certain traditions.

So do we have a star on our tree, or a fairy (angel?)? Tinsel, baubles that go back decades or a new set each year, lametta, Quality Street threaded on a string? These things do signify social class and neither the star not the fairy is better than the other. To pretend that none of this exists would be to ignore my families' cultural traditions.

New signifiers are brought in all the time. Christmas lights, for example: blue vs. ice white vs. warm white vs. multicoloured vs. twinkling vs. frantically flashing. There's maybe a fish-knife thing going on here (the idea that people with fish-knives in their cutlery sets were nouveau riche because inherited sets didn't have them) - having whatever the currently-fashionable colour is on trees in Harper's, or whatever, says one thing, having a style of lights that hasn't existed for twenty years says another (and having actual fucking candles that are actually on fire on your tree says you're my German relatives). It's all meaningless in terms of "better" and "worse", but lovely to feel connected with Your People by having some of the same cultural tastes and preferences.

rjay123 · 21/12/2016 12:18

Only unacceptable when they are Valentines cards!

MrsMattBomer · 21/12/2016 12:25

I can't say I care. Why is it bad to be 'common'? Common as muck, me. I am proud of being working class. I have no aspirations to 'better' myself because I don't see what's better about looking down on people for living their lives the way they want to.

1horatio · 21/12/2016 12:30

iced

and having actual fucking candles that are actually on fire on your tree says you're my German relatives 😅😅

We do that as well (we're from Swtzerland). English DH was more than a bit shocked when he saw that the for the first time... also because we have some strawornaments (writing this down I do realise that it does sound terribly unsafe, tbh).
But he does admit that it looks prettier...

Isadora2007 · 21/12/2016 12:48

Upper class? Common?

Given that the likes of Card Factory rather than Harvey Nicks specialise in named cards it's surely fairly obvious which class these cards belong to.

My inlaws like a named card but as I can't find "to a poisonous old bitch and her inanely grinning and deeply in denial foolish husband" ones I had to settle for mum and dad 🙄

natwebb79 · 21/12/2016 13:10

"It is the inclusion of "to" that is he class giveaway on the front of an envelope."

Ffs.

MrsMattBomer · 21/12/2016 13:11

Isadora2007

Ooh! Sue me because I don't want to spend a fiver on a bit of bloody cardboard.

I don't really care if it's common or not. The type of person who would speak the way you do would find themselves not getting any type of card from me pretty sharpish.

CherrySkull · 21/12/2016 13:23

as i'm very much not a posh twat i really couldn't give two fucks of an arse badger..

Boolovessulley · 21/12/2016 13:46

This year Ive hardly written any cards. Much to my money's disgust.

I feel since working on a primary school that Christmas has been done to death.

I always write the persons correct name on envelopes, this is a conscious feminist decision and not a class issue.

I move candles, they remind me of my childhood which entailed many power cuts, but am envious of those brave enough to put them on a Christmas tree.
I haven't got any outdoor decorations I prefer lights around the mantelpiece.
My fairy lights are winter white and has a star onto although I have had an angle in the past.
Would love someone to analyse all this.

Oh and my card to my oh days to the one I love.

Boolovessulley · 21/12/2016 13:51

Typos due to all phone screen, I'm actually rather good at English 😆
Always loved my great aunts Christmas tree when I was a child she had rather elegant elongated baubles, unlike my families more common sphere ones.

MrsMattBomer · 21/12/2016 13:59

Yeah, anyone who worries over this kind of shite is actually middle-class.

It's been said for years that the actual upper-classes and working-class have a lot of things in commons - our family is very working class and we have traditions like certain tree ornaments being passed down and our family's tradition of gathering round and singing together.

Anybody who actually cares what class they are is middle-class and therefore awful. Nobody wants to be middle-class. It means you are too snobby to be working class and too poor to be upper class!

gwenneh · 21/12/2016 14:03

That's the first time I've heard "non-u" outside of a Jilly Cooper novel.

If you have to worry about it, then class is the least of your problems. Non-u. Jesus.

Heratnumber7 · 21/12/2016 14:34

"non-U" was big in the sixties. I am old

LaContessaDiPlump · 21/12/2016 15:27

I'm curious. Are cards that you've designed yourself (i.e. via Vistaprint or the like) also common as muck? I design these every year with a HILARIOUS photo of the kids and only send them out to my family/friends, as DH diplomatically says his family wouldn't be as impressed by them Grin

Willow2016 · 21/12/2016 17:02

I spend ages buying birthday and Xmas cards (for close family) to suit the person in question, their likes, hobbies, sense of humour, personality, foibles, whatever. I love to get a card that screams out that its perfect for that person. If that card happens to have 'Happy Birthday Son' or something similar on it then I have no fucks left to give as to what anyone else thinks about it.

Cards are personal to the giver and receiver, nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else.

Jigglealltheway · 21/12/2016 17:20

Do you know what? Life is short. I don't live my life by silly rigid rules. I rather have fun and buy the wrong coloured lights that I prefer and will give me greater enjoyment ratger then sticking with what is considered " U" dahling!

I got DH a Xmas card with " husband " on it. We have only been married a couple years and being able to buy him cards with husband on it, makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I took a while to choose him the right one. So what if it's non u and considered tacky? I wouldn't have got the same feeling from giving him a generic card, so I choose from my heart instead. And isn't that the point of giving a card, writing a sentiment or giving a gift. It should be given from the heart with love. Not here is is my obvious "U" card. I look forward to having DC and reviewing Xmas cards with "mummy" on them and being melted by it.

Forget class and be real. People appreciate that more.

limitedperiodonly · 21/12/2016 17:38

Someone round the corner has blue flashing lights on their balcony. It looks like a crime scene. If I lived opposite I'd deal with it by closing my curtains.

limitedperiodonly · 21/12/2016 17:43

I haven't RTFT jiggle. Is it wrong to put Mummy on cards? One of the many poignant things about Princess Diana's funeral was the card on her coffin from her sons addressed to Mummy.

I treasure all mine from my mummy and she treasured mine addressed To Mummy. They were always terribly twee ones with little animals on too.

Jumpmom1 · 21/12/2016 17:46

Those who question class have NONE!!!!

Twogoats · 21/12/2016 17:53

What about cakes? Is it common to put names on them?

Cake
MrsMattBomer · 21/12/2016 17:59

Twogoats

You have birthday cake? How common, dear! Obviously only the lower classes have cake. Real-U people have jelly, obviously. Cake should only be at afternoon tea!

Dazydazy · 21/12/2016 18:03

I just wish there were more cards that were not prescriptive. I can write people's names reasonably competently, for myself. I'd also like more choices which didn't have long messages already inserted.

jennywasafriendofmrbrightside · 21/12/2016 18:03

Well you learn something new everyday! I didn't realise these kind of cards invoke such emotions in people Hmm

Me, DH and DD's are spending Christmas Day with my family and all are getting cards to Mum & Dad, Grandma & Grandad, sister & brother in law, auntie etc. A generic card from a box of 50 to my parents would seem very tacky and thoughtless imo.

It's something my parents always did, me & my sisters do and I hope my children will continue to do so because I think it is a small, thoughtful gesture. If that makes me 'tacky' or (god forbid) working class then so be it. I'd rather be comfortable with who I am and my family traditions than look down on others. People who do so really have no class at all.

blackpoolassy · 21/12/2016 18:04

My ILs go apeshite if we do not procure the exact card for them.
Generic charity card gave us the cold shoulder.
Learnt our lesson and bought 'To both of you' for a few years until we were told this was still not acceptable.
Then finally sending to Dad and Stepmum got actual joyful tears!!!! FFS.

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