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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think not sending Christmas cards and giving to charity instead is a big con?

150 replies

chickenstock · 20/12/2016 20:33

Lots of people are announcing they're doing this now. If it was a genuine choice based on an inability to cover the cost of both, then fine. But most of the people I know who are doing it can more than afford to send some cards and give some money to charity. Also, why say the thing you're not doing is the thing that brings pleasure to others? Why not say, I'm going to have one less bottle of Prosecco this Christmas, or skip the fancy chocs or whatever, and give that money to charity? Just be honest and say I can't bothered to send some seasons greetings to the people I like. I think it's mean.

OP posts:

clumsyduck · 21/12/2016 22:54

I just don't get the connection between the two

I have donated to charity this year and sent food and clothing for Christmas For a homeless charity

I also paid 99p for a pack of a few cards to send to people

PavlovianLunge · 21/12/2016 22:55

I'm starting to think that those people who smugly point out what they consider to be virtue signalling is actually another form of virtue signalling.

This, totally. It's a horrible expression that seethes with passive aggressive sourness.

While I don't particularly like seeing people trumpet their charity-giving on Facebook or wherever, at least they're doing something good. (Unless they're lying, which possibly.)

LouisvilleLlama · 21/12/2016 23:04

I don't think it if bemoaning virtue signalling doesn't really give you any added social stature or anything. I just think if you're doing it just for it to be a good deed good, but if you're posting about it then you're literally just signposting look at me I did a good deed!

LuluJakey1 · 21/12/2016 23:06

People who are saying they can afford to do both are missing the point. It isn't about what I can afford (can't speak for anyone else), it's about thinking Christmas cards are a waste of money and paper and prefering to give the money to a cause I care about rather than lining the pockets of card companies. I don't 'announce it' or post pictures of what I have donated. I just do it because I want to.

clumsyduck · 21/12/2016 23:18

Which I get but like I say I spent 99p on cards which a few of my older relatives love receiving as do friends who live miles away who I won't see

bretonpuffin · 21/12/2016 23:55

DH put a status on his FB that he would be donating to charity (ones close to his heart) instead of sending cards this year. Most of his friends would understand the link to the particular charities.

He absolutely was not posting it to show off. He objects to the financial and environmental cost and it was simply to let FB friends know who have previously received one from him. His close older relatives have still been sent one as he knows they will particularly enjoy receiving them.

Looking back at the status now it actually got an unusually high amount of likes, so clearly not everybody is irritated by it!

m0therofdragons · 22/12/2016 00:11

I don't get why it's an either or choice.
If you can't be arsed to send cards then fine but don't pretend it's because you are so generous and giving in some smug FB status.

Electrolens · 22/12/2016 00:39

Are those people posting about it being a waste of money to send cards not reading about those who really appreciate and value receiving one?

GravyAndShite · 22/12/2016 01:16

I got jaded reading by about half way through page two.

In my case there is a link between the two. My Xmas card postage bill came in at over £50 4 years ago and I felt sick about spending it on sending cards saying nothing more than to/from out of obligation.

From the next year on I donated that money to the local food bank instead. It is now in its 3rd year, coincidentally I wrote the cheque today. I fb post a holiday card family photo with well wishes and an explanation of why I haven't sent cards on Christmas morning.

I think the fact that because my card isn't on your wall and you have one less to recycle someone won't go hungry is a bloody lovely Christmas gift and one I will continue to give.

ILoveAntButHateDec · 22/12/2016 01:38

I think Christmas cards given out to people just because they are neighbours are a waste of time. I hate the clutter of Christmas cards. I send cards to family members and close friends. I cant be arsed with sending them to the neighbours so I donate money to a children's charity instead. I posted my intention of FB a few years ago - basically just to let my fb friends know they wont be receiving a card from me (and I don't want one from them either). Is there a problem with that?

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 22/12/2016 01:57

I dont understand it either. What would they spend on cards and postage, £30 or something? V likely less than £100. Either way not a particularly exciting donation and nothing to boost about. Blimey I've donated more to people doing marathons and don't need to shout about it on Facebook.

Same with charity Xmas cards which donate 2p a card to the charity

Oblomov16 · 22/12/2016 01:59

I hate writing Christmas cards. Is it ok to just say so, without the giving to charity bit to excuse it?

newmumwithquestions · 22/12/2016 01:59

YANBU

The people I know who have done this can afford Christmas cards and to give to charity, it's not an either/or.

If you don't send cards for environmental reasons fine. If you don't send cards because you can't be bothered that's your choice. If you donate to a worthy charity great. But they are separate decisions.

ICJump · 22/12/2016 02:05

I think saying which charity you are giving to is good as it gives the charity the extra exposture

Wayfarersonbaby · 22/12/2016 02:19

This year for the first time ever I might send an email to many of my friends saying I'm donating to charity instead of doing cards. (I don't think I'll put it on Facebook, but I could...) We've had a lot of serious illness in the family this year and I'd like to make an extra donation to the associated medical charities (in addition to other donations throughout the year).

It's a departure for me as I normally love Christmas cards - sending and receiving. However I'm desperate for a bit of a rest and an escape from extra work and clutter this Christmas; and I'm also a bit about the idea of sending cards to friends who knew my family was having a tough time but didn't bother to get in touch. I only just today got a jolly Rudolph card from someone who knew we were having a bad time but didn't bother to text, call, email or, indeed, send a card, throughout the entire year. So my reaction to the Christmas card is very different this year - I'd have far preferred a card saying 'thinking of you' when things were hard than a Christmas card now. (And there have been a fair number more of friends and acquaintances who've done the same.) So I've dramatically cut down my list this year from the usual 70-80 cards to about 40. (I also booted a few off my card list after the referendum result )

I'm keeping on sending cards to older family members who don't use email; and also to neighbours, as I don't know most of their email addresses either. But the idea of spending what is a good chunk of cash and time on cards and stamps for 30 and 40-somethings who could easily contact me on FB or email (and then mostly haven't bothered), is a bit galling. This year they're all getting an email instead.

It's a shame, as I've always been the very person to defend sending Christmas cards, but there it is....

hazeyjane · 22/12/2016 06:44

Bloody hell, hiding this now. I'm smug if I post an online charity card and a tightarse if I donate less than £100!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 22/12/2016 07:11

I don't particularly like this either. I think what gets me most though is that all the people I know who do this just announces basically 'no Christmas cards this year, donating to charity instead' but doesn't take the opportunity to highlight the charity they've chosen to donate to. So it just seems a bit unthought out, unbothered, and I actually would find it interesting knowing where people donate just in terms of awareness of different charities.

Jurassicbaby · 22/12/2016 07:20

I think Christmas cards are are huge waste of time, money and paper.

Giving the money you would have spent to charity is making a statement. It's saying "I'm not being tight but I'm putting the money to better use".

I don't mind sending a card out of a pack to an elderly relative or neighbour, but all these individual cards are just too much imo.

It's nothing to do with can't be bothered because I quite like writing cards, but I feel as if I might as well just my money straight down the drain.

I've got a big family so could easily spend £20+ just on Christmas cards. That £20 could go to so much better use. It could feed a family for a week.

Jurassicbaby · 22/12/2016 07:26

Actually just to point out £20+ is a lot of money.

If I were to spend £20 on items for the food bank that could feed a family for a week. A much more worthwhile cause than Christmas cards.

The point of donating is making a point about the wastefulness.

Just imagine if everyone donated their £20 instead of doing cards. It would be millions.

surferjet · 22/12/2016 07:37

I love receiving Christmas cards, really makes Christmas for me.
I think people who don't give Christmas cards are closet Scrooges & just haven't got that joyful Christmas spirit.
I do understand that some Christmas cards are very expensive, but it is only once a year ( & the people who do all this 'I'm donating the money to charity' thing are usually quite well off ) so yes, it's just a cover for miserable people imo.

SexTrainGlue · 22/12/2016 07:53

Just think, how much could be given to charity if everyone forwent a bottle of wine/gin/baileys and donated that to charity?

Or had frozen breaded chicken, not fresh turkey?

Or did something else themselves that was actually a personal sacrifice, not the removal of a card for someone else.

Or just did it, but didn't link the pruning of the Christmas budget to maintaining their charitable one. If anyone queries, the answer being 'I can't afford cards at the moment' (no need to detail your personal spending priorities and what you decide you can/must afford).

Ciutadella · 22/12/2016 08:11

Or you could ditch the christmas tree - Quite expensive. Or ask family not to give you presents and donate the money instead? It is interesting that it is specifically cards that people forego rather than the many other expensive things about Christmas - not sure why that is.

I do think some people like getting cards at christmas, and am not sure that is a 'waste' of time money environment etc.

Still, i see the point about 'announcing' prompting other people to donate - is that borne out by research? It isn't something that influences me but maybe others are different. But you could probably achieve the same effect by announcing you were going to donate the xhristmas tree money to charity.

GravyAndShite · 22/12/2016 08:25

I think my biggest issue with this thread is the implication that 'virtue signalling' or donating less than £30 () is somehow worse than sitting online passing judgment based on assumptions.

The former is at worst inconsequential (however if so many of you are bitter or smug that you are so virtuous that you give to charity privately about this, then perhaps there are enough less than £30 () donations going on to make an impact), but the latter is very toxic.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 22/12/2016 08:28

I think people who don't give Christmas cards are closet Scrooges & just haven't got that joyful Christmas spirit.

You of course can think what you like. Doesn't make it true though

GravyAndShite · 22/12/2016 08:31

If you don't send cards for environmental reasons fine. If you don't send cards because you can't be bothered that's your choice. If you donate to a worthy charity great. But they are separate decisions.

I think I'll carry on doing it my way, thanks all the same for your offers of validation if I change my ways.

I'm confident that how I do it is fine, my choice and great.

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