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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think not sending Christmas cards and giving to charity instead is a big con?

150 replies

chickenstock · 20/12/2016 20:33

Lots of people are announcing they're doing this now. If it was a genuine choice based on an inability to cover the cost of both, then fine. But most of the people I know who are doing it can more than afford to send some cards and give some money to charity. Also, why say the thing you're not doing is the thing that brings pleasure to others? Why not say, I'm going to have one less bottle of Prosecco this Christmas, or skip the fancy chocs or whatever, and give that money to charity? Just be honest and say I can't bothered to send some seasons greetings to the people I like. I think it's mean.

OP posts:
GreatPointIAgreeWithYouTotally · 20/12/2016 21:18

I have a friend who does this and I assume she announces it because she doesn't want cards sent to her. So I don't.

BackforGood · 20/12/2016 21:29

Depends.

It makes a lot of sense if you are talking about 'in the office' or 'for your choir' or 'for your {insert other club of choice}' where there may be lots of people you are quite friendly with, and you then get the dilemmas of 'Should I send to everyone if I'm sending to more than half?" type ponderings.
We've done that in our Church, in our office, and in our choir for years. Makes a lot of sense Sves a lot of paper. Saves a huge amount of time and rises a little bit for the chosen charity that year (Church one usually sends £200+).

However, if you mean the folk that post on FB because they can't be arsed to write any cards, then I think that's a different situation.

Give to charity by all means, but don't make a song and dance about it.
Send greetings on FB instead of postage and paper and envelopes and time writing if you wish - but don't pretend it's for any reason other than to save you time and money.

Deinonychus · 20/12/2016 21:33

I personally don't announce it on facebook or similar, but have friends that do and it makes me more aware of the charities that they are going for (e.g. The white helmets, which I may not have considered before).

I fully expect the lack of cards from us over the past three years to be noticed and for us to have less cards as a result. To me that represents less waste.

SexTrainGlue · 20/12/2016 21:35

I would never, ever tell people I was giving to charity instead of cards.

It seems show-offy in all the wrong way.

It's not like running a marathon, or actually doing something yourself. It's just substituting one Xmas message with a different and much smuggler one.

MiladyThesaurus · 20/12/2016 21:46

I hate Christmas cards. They utterly environmentally indefensible and I don't see how they can bring anyone joy.

They're the old fashioned equivalent of Facebook in that they allows people to pretend they actually kept in touch and had social constant with people but in fact they really don't.

DS2 does class/teacher/beavers leader Christmas cards but other than that we (for which read I, because it's never DH that does it) send precisely 4 cards all to people that MIL insists we must send them to. I have never met 3 of the 4 recipents that I write and post cards to every bloody year. DH hasn't seen them for at least 15 years either.

ILoveOnionRings · 20/12/2016 21:58

For the last 10 years at work I have given to the nominated charity and not written cards. They thought I was a bit of a grump at first but now most of the others do this to. I do not advertise this on Facebook

We do write cards for family and friends.

The last 3 years a friends wife has made the no cards but giving to charity instead post on Facebook - this year the charity chosen was one for a friend who had recently passed away, amongst all the 'you are so fabulous' comments there has been requests for the name of the charity so others can do the same - so far it has not been given.

starsinyourpies · 20/12/2016 22:19

Perhaps I should have written in my cards 'I also support a number of charities' for maximum smug points?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 20/12/2016 22:23

Giving to charity and sending Christmas cards are surely not mutually exclusive ... it is possible to do both. I do.

NavyandWhite · 20/12/2016 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragz134 · 20/12/2016 22:37

I send two Christmas cards a year. I buy cheap packs for kids to give at school. We give cards to customers are it is good for business but I don't do cards for anyone i actually see... Costs me less than a fiver. I don't understand the sudden 'giving to charity' thing. I donate to a chosen local charity monthly, that costs me a lot more over the year!

TrashcanMan · 20/12/2016 22:41

It's virtue signalling. Nothing wrong with donating to charity, sending cards or not sending cards. Nothing wrong with going on facebook and saying something like "Haven't got round to sending cards this year so a very merry Christmas to all my friends and family!"

But no, people use it to show what a better person they are by mentioning their donation to charity. It's the same as all those goats/injections people get instead of presents. It screams "Look at me! I'm a better person than you!" Do whatever you want, donate to charity, don't donate to charity, send cards, don't send cards. Just don't go on Facebook and crap on about it.

FucksSakeSusan · 20/12/2016 22:41

I have a friend who announces this at the end of the last 2nd class posting date or later every year...

Original poster
chickenstock · 20/12/2016 22:46

Yes FS Susan, that's what one of my friends did today that led me to post in the first place!

OP posts:
Electrolens · 20/12/2016 22:46

Receiving cards means a lot to me at Christmas - it can be quite a lonely time - I send them and appreciate those I get a lot.

But I fully understand friends with new babies etc simply don't have the time and I never count off who I have sent cards to/receive them from. If people want to give to charity instead then I think a social media post is a good idea - as pp said it's a way of hearing about the work different charities do too.

Tootsiepops · 21/12/2016 09:05

I'm starting to think that those people who smugly point out what they consider to be virtue signalling is actually another form of virtue signalling Grin

SexTrainGlue · 21/12/2016 09:09

Virtue signalling! That the phrase I was after, but which didn't come to mind!

Either send cards or don't, either give to charity or don't, but don't publish a link between the two

meditrina · 21/12/2016 09:12

What's with all the threads about this this year?

Yes, I know multiple threads are allowed, and I'm not saying this one shouldn't exist. Just noting that there have been a lot and wondering if there's a reason (or if it's just change).

I dislike virtue signalling.

yorkshapudding · 21/12/2016 09:23

I can't get worked up about it.

If people want to send cards, that's up to them. I can see that it's a bit of a waste of money and paper and I'm not keen on clutter but it's a nice gesture and I certainly don't "hate" receiving cards as some previous posters do.

If people don't want to send cards, for whatever reason, that's entirely their choice and I would never be offended because I didn't get a card from someone. Some years I've gotten around to it, some years I haven't depending on how much I've had going on at the time. I would hope that none of my relationships are so superficial that friends/family would take offence if they don't get a card from me every single year.

As for the FB posts, I think it's probably social pressure that drives people to do this. If you don't want to send cards but you know most of your family and friends will be sending them (and might take offence if you don't) then maybe announcing your intention to donate to charity instead is a way to deflect any criticism.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 21/12/2016 09:48

I have two friends that have done this this year

I dont have a problem with it but it is a bit sad that they feel they have to announce it

Its not like i am going to batter their door down on the 26th demanding a reciprocal christmas card

(Though they are off the christmas card list Hmm JOKE!!!!)

hazeyjane · 21/12/2016 09:58

Ah buttcheeks.

Now you've all got me worried.

I have sent about 6 cards this year to old friends. But we have been stuck in syringing Dioralyte into a very ill Ds, and frankly all the other cards I might have thought about in the past have gone out of the window.

I just had a link from Unique charity on Facebook about donating to them, and posting a card on Facebook, and thought - perfect, that is a good idea. It will send a happy christmas, donate to a good charity, and raise some awareness of Unique amongst friends.

Is everyone going to think I'm a wanker!

Orientalrose · 21/12/2016 16:11

I didn't send cards last year. My highly successful cousin then killed himself in January and my aunt made a comment about how he hadn't even had many Xmas cards, she hadn't relised how alone he wasBlush. (He was married but under work pressure). I now send cards as it is a statement that I have thought about the recipient and cared enough to send a card. You never know the thoughts of others and to feel nobody cared is awful. I also give to charity but no need to boast on Facebook!

Mia1415 · 21/12/2016 16:26

YANBU! It really winds me up. If people said 'rather than spend several hours writing cards I'll be volunteering I would be more on board with it'.

I spend a lot of time and effort writing cards and give money to charity through the year. I just don't brag about it on my facebook.

LottieDoubtie · 21/12/2016 16:41

It is just an attempt at a socially acceptable way of getting out of doing what people believe is 'expected' but they don't actually want to do.

I would prefer people to have the courage of their convictions and just say 'nah, don't see the point, not doing it'.

PollyPerky · 21/12/2016 16:41

So how does buying charity card fit into this :)

You can buy cards where 25% off the profit goes to the charity. I've tried in the past to support charities that are not so well known, but do a grand job, as I want to help them out a bit.

As for being a capitalist con- well, buying cards creates employment for people right along the supply line, down to the postie who delivers them. You can't raise the capitalist argument if you live in a consumer society and buy 'stuff'.

I view cards as an annual 'hello' to people from my past- going back 50 years- who I don't call or see, but check in once a year with a bit of news in a Xmas card. It keeps the contact going albeit in a low key way.

LunaLoveg00d · 21/12/2016 16:52

I don't send Christmas cards. I stopped about 5 years ago because it was costing me a fortune to buy the cards and dozens of stamps. I can just as easily speak to people, phone or email. It's hugely wasteful in terms of paper and resources too. Many of my friends do the same as we get very few cards.

I also donate to charity, but don't broadcast it on social media.

Charity cards from the supermarket are very poor value with a tiny percentage going to the charity. If you do want charity cards, get them direct from the charity you want to support.

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