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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL to change what DS will call her?

119 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 20/12/2016 08:07

My mum decided a long time ago she wanted to be referred to as Nana when DS was born, because her mum was always a Nana to us when she was alive. She sees DS most days and lives round the corner so he spends a lot of time with her. DS is her first grand child.

DH's mum has never mentioned what she wants to be called. We only see her every few months as she lives further away and DS is unlikely to spend much time with her. We don't do family gatherings with her and DH is not at all close to his family. MIL has sent a Christmas card to DS and signed it off Nana. AIBU to ask her to be called something else as my mum is already Nana? I think I probably am but I don't want DS to get confused at having two grandparents referred to as the same thing.

To make it harder DS is MIL's 4th grandchild and so I assume the others must all call her Nana which is why she is using it.

I'm sure I'm probably overthinking it so feel free to tell me if I am!

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 20/12/2016 08:08

I had 2 Nanas. Refrerred to, 3rd party, NanaX and NanaY.

We just called them Nana when talking to them!

So yes! You are overthinking it Grin

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/12/2016 08:09

Cant one be Nana Pat and the other Nana Pam?

Or whatever their Christian names are.

whateveryousay · 20/12/2016 08:09

You can have two nanas? Nana X and Nana Y?

IfartInYourGeneralDirection · 20/12/2016 08:09

They can both be nana, he won't get confused.
I have three nans and my kids have two nanna's it's fine, no identity crisis has occurred

taxworries · 20/12/2016 08:09

Can't you just refer to her as Nana something...like her name e.g. nana clare, nana sarah? My son has two Grandpas and one is just Grandpa and the other Grandpa (his name).

JellyTeapot · 20/12/2016 08:09

I wouldn't worry about it, children often come up with weird and wonderful ways of differentiating - as kids my DB and I referred to our DGMs as Green Gran and White Gran. It made perfect sense to us!

user1477282676 · 20/12/2016 08:09

YABU. But I mean that kindly. I felt the same way and now my DC call their Paternal gran, "Grandma" and it's always felt forced.

I wish I'd just let them call her Nanny which is what my Mum is.

it doesn't matter if they're both Nanny...kids will find a way to distinquish. I used to call my Dad's Mum "Blackberry Nan" as she had blackberries in her garden and the other Nan was just Nan.

Namechangebitch · 20/12/2016 08:09

YABU - if you hardly see her it doesn't matter. Why cause a row?

Sirzy · 20/12/2016 08:10

It's odd you don't know what your neices/nephews call her anyway!

But you would be unreasonable to ask her to change it. What's the worst that will happen? He will have nana x and nana y hardly a big deal.

Blackfellpony · 20/12/2016 08:10

My son has 3 nanas, I wouldn't worry!

mineallmine · 20/12/2016 08:10

Don't. It's up to her to be called what she wants. Just have Nana Smith and Nana Jones.

MsJamieFraser · 20/12/2016 08:10

Yabu, if the others call her Nana it will confuse the other grandchildren.

Also it make no difference, my 2 have 2 Nanas a Nan and a Gran and Gramdma,

They have have to Grandads and Papa and a Pop.

Rosae · 20/12/2016 08:10

I had two grandmas growing up. We just used their names with it. Grandma bunny and grandma rabbit. Very little confusion happened. I wouldn't worry too much. And if she already uses it with the others you'll make it much more confusing when you meet up with them.

Rockpebblestone · 20/12/2016 08:10

As per previous poster said. Just add a first name or surname to her title of Nana.

NavyandWhite · 20/12/2016 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsJamieFraser · 20/12/2016 08:11

They have 2 grandads... Blush

taxworries · 20/12/2016 08:11

Can't you just refer to her as Nana something...like her name e.g. nana clare, nana sarah? My son has two Grandpas and one is just Grandpa and the other Grandpa (his name).

NavyandWhite · 20/12/2016 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elvis86 · 20/12/2016 08:12

YABU. Completely U, but even more so if MIL is already Nana to other grandchildren. Some MILs are just set up to fail.Sad

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 20/12/2016 08:12

Sirzy we don't see them. Only at birthdays and Christmas to exchange a gift and have never seen them at the same time as MIL so didn't know what they call her. As I said my DH is not at all close to his family.

Thank you everyone, you have reassured me. Two Nana's it will be and I need to shop for a new Xmas card as I had already got one saying Grandma on as I assumed this is what she would be called! I should have asked her sooner I guess!

OP posts:
KellyBoo800 · 20/12/2016 08:13

I had two "nans" growing up and as above they were referred to as "Nan C" and "Nan Y", it's fairly normal. My DSD calls has a granny and a nana and I found that quite unusual! My MIL is nana, and my mum is nana to my niece, so if DH and I have a child together it will have two nana's.

I think it's quite unfair to ask your MIL to change, particularly on the grounds that your mum sees the baby more because your MIL is further away. She already probably feels like your mum will be seen as the 'more important' grandparent because she is there more often, I wouldn't try to create a further divide.

KellyBoo800 · 20/12/2016 08:13

Took me so long to type that - glad to see you are understanding!

RoseGoldHippie · 20/12/2016 08:13

This is one reason I am glad my partners family are not English, they will be called the SA version of nanny and grandad.

My mum has said she won't be grandma - hahahaha now she has made this statement that is exactly what she will be known as! Grin

Scooby20 · 20/12/2016 08:14

Yabu her being nana has no impact on your mum being nana too. We have a nana and nanny. No idea where nanny came from. Dd just stator Ted calling her it and as the others came along they followed suit.

Both my dad and fil are grandad. Causes no problems at all.

Oh and even if it did cause problems, I am not sure why your mum automatically gets 'nana'.

ChasingAPinkBall · 20/12/2016 08:15

As above.
My kids have Nana, who they see a lot, and Nana Pam, who they don't see as much.

When I was little we had Nana and Nana with Glasses!