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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL to change what DS will call her?

119 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 20/12/2016 08:07

My mum decided a long time ago she wanted to be referred to as Nana when DS was born, because her mum was always a Nana to us when she was alive. She sees DS most days and lives round the corner so he spends a lot of time with her. DS is her first grand child.

DH's mum has never mentioned what she wants to be called. We only see her every few months as she lives further away and DS is unlikely to spend much time with her. We don't do family gatherings with her and DH is not at all close to his family. MIL has sent a Christmas card to DS and signed it off Nana. AIBU to ask her to be called something else as my mum is already Nana? I think I probably am but I don't want DS to get confused at having two grandparents referred to as the same thing.

To make it harder DS is MIL's 4th grandchild and so I assume the others must all call her Nana which is why she is using it.

I'm sure I'm probably overthinking it so feel free to tell me if I am!

OP posts:
Glastonbury · 20/12/2016 08:42

I had both sets of grandparents alive growing up. They were each known as Nanny and Grandad Surname. Never caused any problems.

Mamabear14 · 20/12/2016 08:44

My DD has 3 nanas. My mum, dp's Mum and my nan. As she gets older she will do what my older 2 do and have Nan x and nan y, they haven't ever got confused yet!

sanityisamyth · 20/12/2016 08:44

My DS (2 yo) has two Grannies - we just refer to them as their location (Granny Yorkshire etc). Works for us and he doesn't get confused! :)

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 20/12/2016 08:45

YABU. We had "Granny/Grandad Smith" and "Granny/Grandad Jones" when we were children and everyone was happy.

With my own DD, XMIL has always been Nan to her other grandchildren and my mum was supposed to be gran, but DD chose at a very young age to call her Nana , so Nana she has been, even though we have never had a "Nana" in the family , its always been Gran in the past.

ConkerTriumphant · 20/12/2016 08:48

We had two nannas growing up.
We called them Fat Nanna and Skinny Nanna but never to the faces because they would have scalped us

Underparmummy · 20/12/2016 08:57

Our grandparents are Nanny (first name) and Nanny (first name).

As christened by dc1. Hilariously both dc2 and dc3 from 2 until 3 have struggled with the long name and just called them by their first name.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 20/12/2016 09:02

We have two Nannys . One is just Nanny and the other is Fat Nanny ( not to her face though and the kids decided this was her name)

LooseAtTheSeams · 20/12/2016 09:02

My mum wanted to put her name in front of Gran to make one word. It was a very sweet name but she (rightly) decided it was far too complicated for a small child to be expected to say and changed it to Nan! It was her decision, though.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 20/12/2016 09:03

why is this a problem with just Nans ? I never hear it about Grandads!

Bodicea · 20/12/2016 09:05

My inlaws were introduced as nan and pa pa. My son calls them nanny and pop pop.
You kids will decide what the want to call them.

amusedbush · 20/12/2016 09:06

I have two grannies, Granny H and Granny M. No issue Smile

toldmywraath · 20/12/2016 09:08

JellyTeapot - that is brilliant. I wonder why you chose those colours?

My youngest referred to one of his nanas as "blue nana" .

To confuse issues I had an auntie "Ethel" and my sister is called "Ethel" (i.e. my sister was auntie Ethel to my DC)

So one got called "plum coloured auntie Ethel" & the other was white auntie Ethel. I have no idea why these colours were picked by him!

TheInternetIsForPorn · 20/12/2016 09:08

My aunt is Nanna Dogs to her grandkids as she, unsurprisingly, has dogs as pets. It's an easy separation from their other Nanna.

Soubriquet · 20/12/2016 09:08

I have always called my grandparents nanny

Even my great grandparents was nanny.

It's not hard. It's very easy

My children call all their grandparents and their great grandparents nanny too.

Seriously chill out

toldmywraath · 20/12/2016 09:11

I agree with others OP. Let them both be nana, your son will find a way to differentiate & it can be very amusing.

PlumsGalore · 20/12/2016 09:12

YABU, my mum choose Nana, Mil chose Gran.

DS ended up calling both of them Gran and DD called them Nana and Grandma B.

They still do.

chloesmumtoo · 20/12/2016 09:13

Initially I thought the same Aliveinwanderland. I did not have this as both our dc had grandparents who choose different names and were willing to ammend themselves dependant on the other ones choice. I also had grandparents myself who were called differently too.
Once I read your Mil already had grandchildren and was called nana anyway was the klincher for me. However, it sounds like as others have said children adapt wonderfully which is actually quite sweet in itself and personalises things Grin

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/12/2016 09:15

My mother started off being referred to as Granny Darwin, then it became Granny D, and that morphed into Grandy.
What about Nana Near and Nana Far?

Nicknameofawesome · 20/12/2016 09:18

My kids have 3 grandads. They distinguish them randomly when talking to others (grandad by the sea is my favourite) they just say grandad when they see them.

You are overthinking it. Many kids have two grandparents using the same variation on the name.

luckylavender · 20/12/2016 09:21

I had two Nanas. Never a problem.

MissisBee · 20/12/2016 09:22

DH had grandma-in-the-house and grandma-in-the-flat. I think this is very sweet. Growing up I had 2 Aunt Dorothys - one an aunt and one a great aunt (the first one's aunt). When we were young we called them Auntie Dorothy here and Auntie Dorothy in Scotland. (Later became privately known as Old Bat and Scotty Dot) Blush
We're expecting our first dc next year - both my dad and FIL have the same first name (which seems quite a common occurrence going by this thread). We'll let the grandparents pick their own names.

Gran22 · 20/12/2016 09:22

My username indicates that I'm not nan, nanny or nana! I'm Scottish, so it was always going to be granny/gran for me, as it was for my mum and my granny. Fortunately my inlaws were English, so mil was always nana to my DC. My DGC have a granny (me) and a nana.

sillygoof · 20/12/2016 09:22

My MiL tried to impose a contrived name onto my kids, and I hated it, I'd prefer just Nana! I wouldn't mind if my DD had made it up herself. We sort of just ignored it and she took the hint.

middlings · 20/12/2016 09:23

My DDs were to have two Grandmas. My mum is Grandma but DMIL is now Nanny. I thought DD1 had randomly started calling her that herself as children sometimes do (both my grandfathers had "pet" names that started with me as I was the eldest grandchild on both sides) but DH fessed up recently that he got her to do it as he wanted them to be called different things! His mum is called Grandma by two sets of grandchildren, Nan by another and Nanny by mine. I feel a bit sorry for her as she prefers Grandma. It's what her mother was and her MIL was Nanny. I don't think that was the easiest of relationships.....

We were fine with two Grandmas for the first 18th months!

FV45 · 20/12/2016 09:27

My ILs got all uptight about being grandparents and refused to have 'silly titles' like Nana, Grandad, Nanny, Grandma etc and asked to be called by their first names.

It upset me at first because most people I know really love being a grandparent and I also didn't like that they sneered at those who did like using the social norm (even sneering at being called Mummy).

Anyway, the kids know fully well who their grandparents are, it hasn't changed the relationship. They're not great with the young child stage, but my kids are 7 and 17 now and they are all close.

My point is that it really doesn't matter what they're called, it's the relationship that matters.