To tell my dm she got it badly wrong?

[Cherrysoup]

She told me tonight that she'd got the dh something Simpsons related, the Private Eye annual and a diary. She thinks he likes the Simpsons. He doesn't. She told me he loves Private Eye: he's never mentioned it, isn't into political satire and all his reading material is on kindle. Our diary is online, Google, shared on all the mobile devices at home so we can make sure we know each other's schedule.

I appreciate that she has put in thought and has bought him presents. She could have simply sent vouchers, easy for her (she's physically and mentally fine)

I don't know where she's got these ideas from and the gifts will be charity shopped. He won't be ungrateful, she won't know (they live 5 hours away, she's sending them down with a relative who is coming down), but I think she should save herself the time and effort. AIBU to tell her that he isn't into the things she bought? It's not the first time she's done this, I did mention it previously, especially the diary thing.

I wouldn't do it now, but in time for next year. I think, knowing her, she'd prefer to get him something he really likes, but she doesn't listen!

My mum is like this! She is always telling me what DH likes, what his personality traits are etc, and is usually wrong. She does it to me too "ooh you so love watching Friends/ speaking Russian/ doing macrame don't you?!" Er, not really, mum.

The thing is she puts so much thought into her gifts and is annoyed when she feels people don't put the same thought into hers, but ends up getting things which DH is not keen on so the end effect is just the same as if she had put no thought into it at all. I was with her this year when she tried to buy him a herb growing kit and a cushion, and was able to steer her away, she has now bought him a book he actually has mentioned and another that I think he would like.

OP - I do hope you're ignoring the nutters on here who are calling you ungrateful and whiny when you're clearly not. HopelesslydevotedtoGu's post is spot on.

Maybe that's the way I came across, don't know. I am not going to say anything, don't know why some pp immediately leapt to the conclusion that there was going to be a showdown at the Cherrysoup's dp's house OK Corral style. I like Hopelessly's post. She refrained from calling my husband names!

Camembert Electrique

That's the one! Had many an evening listening to that at uni: my housemates introduced to the music, very odd stuff!

Cherrysoup, I like the sound of your mum

Hmm. Believe me, the DH is incredibly nice to her and makes a massive effort when she's here (not reciprocated).

I accept that it is the thought that counts, just after so long, I thought she might know his tastes. It isn't important, bar the waste of time and money on her behalf. Somebody will love the gifts.

She tries to load stuff on us because we refuse the far too generous gift of money that she used to give (thousands). As someone said, we're not children, so we don't need money or gifts, for that matter. I think the charity donation idea is wonderful.

I feel I must mention that R2D2 no longer resides with us, he was sold to a guy who is an even keener fan.

Re me being controlling over the diary: I couldn't even set up my phone on my own, it was the DH's idea to have his schedule online. He is very technollogically minded, I am not. I am happy with a calendar on the wall to write on, but if he can do something online instead, he will.

Gosh hahahahaha!!!!!

Totally yanbu. I have no time at all for this 'be nothing but grateful for demonstrably shit gifts' stuff on here. What a waste of time, money and effort. My family do Christmas lists, saves so much hassle and everyone gets what they want, and some nice surprises too if they're lucky.

I don't think op sounded mean, whiny, childish etc at all.

Problem is she's already bought it all so there's little to be gained by telling her and it will presumably hurt her feelings. I would say to her next November - "do you want some ideas for DH for Xmas as I know how difficult he is to buy for?" Then give her some idea that give her an element of choice eg chocolates, books

Ultimately she might like the fun of buying him a lovely surprise and won;t be told. What can you do then except smile and nod. I agree its a waste but the thought that she really is trying to buy him something he'll like is one to treasure even f the execution of said idea is somewhat crap!

Awww, shame the life-size R2D2 no longer resides with you.

I was going to ask whether or not it could do the housework, the laundry, unload and reload the dishwasher, feed and walk the dogs etc.?

I have a small R2D2, which is an egg timer.

Topseyt

This isn't the droid that you're looking for

I don't think you ABU. I dislike the idea that giving is just to make us feel good about giving. I prefer to give something that the receiver would really like, even if it is "just" vouchers etc.

I'm with Morris & Curb on this one.

What is the actual point of buying something for someone when its nothing they will even use/like/remotely suitable then expecting them to be grateful?

OPs mum has been given suggestions every year of what to buy, what op's dh actually likes yet she carries on buying what 'she' thinks he should like. So she is completely wasting her money on something that she has decided he will like whether he wants to or not, and will go to a charity shop in the NY. If I were her dh I would feels like I wasnt worth the effort. Thats pretty PA and a selfish way to give any gift.

It would be better to give nothing at all than to give something you know is totaly wrong for that person. (and lets face it the mother does know by now) Why, when she knows what he likes i.e the M& S vouchers, does she insist on getting him something else? Why should he get a bunch of stuff just to take to the charity shop just cos he is older? She might as well bypass him and take it straight there herself (if she knew/would listen) there is no actual 'gift' for him at all at the end of the day.

A one off is fine but every year?

Good Luck next year OP, I wouldnt hold my breath though

Cockacidal, my quest continues.

Got to the end of the thread hoping for a picture of the giant R2D2 :( :(

Dr Who/Star Wars - frankly I doubt my mum knows the difference between R2D2 and a bloody dalek either.

Your DH's precise likes and dislikes are probably not continually uppermost in her head. Yes, you've told her what he's into; no, it hasn't stuck in her mind. Has it occurred to you that she probably has other things to think about than you and your DH? When you say things like "I expect her to pay attention when I tell her things" you sound really harsh, as if your mum is a child rather than a parent. So she's crap at gifts - does it matter that much, really? I get that you don't want her to waste money but it's really up to her. Your husband's a grown man and he can't expect every gift he gets to be something from his letter to Santa.

In your position I would just accept the gifts and charity shop them. Next year, I'd just say no presents necessary for adults and don't exchange gifts with her. She has been told, she hasn't listened. It would probably upset her if you told her that the gifts she has are unsuitable. The shops are a nightmare and it's all getting a bit late.

I just found a life size R2D2 on eBay for almost £5,000.

I don't think I want one that badly!!

This isn't the droid that you're looking for

Pmsl!

Your DH's precise likes and dislikes are probably not continually uppermost in her head. Yes, you've told her what he's into; no, it hasn't stuck in her mind. Has it occurred to you that she probably has other things to think about than you and your DH? When you say things like "I expect her to pay attention when I tell her things" you sound really harsh, as if your mum is a child rather than a parent. So she's crap at gifts - does it matter that much, really? I get that you don't want her to waste money but it's really up to her. Your husband's a grown man and he can't expect every gift he gets to be something from his letter to Santa.

Did you read the thread? DH knows nothing about what he's getting this year, probably has a good idea as she keeps doing this, despite her knowing full well that he prefers certain stuff. However, as an adult, he doesn't care much, he buys what he wants because he can, obviously.

What really gets me is that ages ago, she told me df hated his gifts from me because he hates pulling on sweatshirts over his head. I got him hat I thought was nice. She pulled no punches telling me. I stopped getting him that kind of thing, yet when I tell her dh likes this and not that, she ignores me. It's a very small family, I kind of hoped she'd remember, but no, it's not hugely important, tbh, hardly life changing, very first world problem, I know.

I just found a life size R2D2 on eBay for almost £5,000.

Bargain! Is it the mobile one? That's what dh sold his static one for, to finance the mobile one, but the guy making it (from the original moulds, nothing less would do!) was flaky. Link, please!

I don't know if it was mobile. I was too busy fainting at the price. 😁

Can't seem to link on my phone. I'll maybe try later when back on my laptop. Unless someone beats me to it.

Ignore the snippy posters. Just jumping on the bandwagon, and many haven't read the thread properly.

Perhaps you could get your mum to buy DH the R2D2 from eBay. That should solve the problem. Or were you too glad to see the back of it?

Looked again. Not clear from the description whether or not it moves, but it does make sounds that it makes in the movies.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/STAR-WARS-Vintage-Life-Size-R2-D2-Electronic-Remote-Speaking-Movie-Prop-FABULOUS-/172442680678?hash=item2826627d66:g:ARQAAOSwux5YTsWJ

Is it this one? Might be his original R2! It made noises and had flashy lights. I'm not into the films like he is, so I was quite pleased it went! He buys stuff then sells on when he's had it long enough. If we had a bigger house, he'd probably have a film props room.

Snippy posters I don't mind, this is AIBU, after all. Having my DH called a fuckwit for not liking something really, really pissed me off. He is the most considerate, lovely bloke who has tolerated my narcissistic, alcoholic 'd'm for a long time, bless him. He is never less than extremely lovely to her. I am less tolerant, probably why I am querying the present thing. I've posted previously in the Stately Homes thread about her for anyone who thinks I'm being a whiny bitch about her not remembering preferences.

What about an R2D2 shaped moving fridge to give you your drinks.

Only US$9,000!! A mere ship.

Snip, not ship. Daft phone.

Yes, that is the one.

Link, please!! We had a fab fridge in the lounge at one point, so handy! I'm not encouraging the obsession! He says that R2 is hugely over priced and 'crude'. So fussy!

I am currently in between walking the dog (done) and having to be the free taxi service to my teenage daughter, so still on my phone.

If I can find it again I will link later from my laptop (note to self to buy a new tablet of some kind).