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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my dm she got it badly wrong?

132 replies

Cherrysoup · 19/12/2016 23:21

She told me tonight that she'd got the dh something Simpsons related, the Private Eye annual and a diary. She thinks he likes the Simpsons. He doesn't. She told me he loves Private Eye: he's never mentioned it, isn't into political satire and all his reading material is on kindle. Our diary is online, Google, shared on all the mobile devices at home so we can make sure we know each other's schedule.

I appreciate that she has put in thought and has bought him presents. She could have simply sent vouchers, easy for her (she's physically and mentally fine)

I don't know where she's got these ideas from and the gifts will be charity shopped. He won't be ungrateful, she won't know (they live 5 hours away, she's sending them down with a relative who is coming down), but I think she should save herself the time and effort. AIBU to tell her that he isn't into the things she bought? It's not the first time she's done this, I did mention it previously, especially the diary thing.

I wouldn't do it now, but in time for next year. I think, knowing her, she'd prefer to get him something he really likes, but she doesn't listen!

OP posts:
AugustRose · 20/12/2016 00:09

We have something similar this year, DM came over to see us a couple of weeks ago with the presents for me, DC and DH. I offered them a drink and she said oh is DH not having any?

Me: No, he hasn't drunk alcohol in two years, I told you.

DM: Oh I know but I didn't think you meant none at all, that's spoils his presents then!
Me: It's OK I will drink it Grin

3awesomestars · 20/12/2016 00:10

I wouldn't tell her, I have the same with my DM, she buys random stuff which she thinks we will love, she enjoys buying and giving it, it doesn't matter.

Every year she buys DH a bottle of spirit he doesn't like, same one. For about the last 5 years I have mentioned around October that he would prefer something else, even suggesting what. She still buys the one she wants to - its slightly bonkers in a lovely way and every year some raffle gets a prize donation 😀

JustanotherMortificado · 20/12/2016 00:13

Sorry but it's ungrateful you are adults ffs.

BratFarrarsPony · 20/12/2016 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsDustyBusty · 20/12/2016 00:16

Does your mother really know the difference between star wars and Dr who or what a life size robot signifies?

Original poster
Cherrysoup · 20/12/2016 00:19

We too had the random alcohol gift. I was a bit Confused as what they bought him wasn't cheap and they know what he drinks, they've been here often enough. I managed to turn that one round, politely, by just mentioning that the dh doesn't like rum.

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 20/12/2016 00:22

You turned it around? Was it about to be An Incident? Is your husband incapable of saying thanks and being grateful? Why are you running around trying to sort out the grave offence your mother is giving with imprecise presents? Are you married to a toddler?

Only1scoop · 20/12/2016 00:22

You sound like present HQ for your DH....stop deciding for him. He might like those gifts and that she has chosen them.
Scathing of her choice and mean

Only1scoop · 20/12/2016 00:22

Dusty ....quite

Original poster
Cherrysoup · 20/12/2016 00:24

Sorry but it's ungrateful you are adults ffs.

What's your point? I'm quite aware of that, thanks.

You sound really ungrateful. You have a kind mother who buys gifts FFS. You just say thank you. And if your husband doesnt like Private Eye then he is a fuckwit. You need to grow up.

Wow. I need to grow up because I'd prefer my dh to get something he likes? Or I'd prefer her to actually pay attention when I tell her something? Repeatedly. My dh is a 'fuckwit' because he doesn't like a Private Eye? Good lord, there must be thousands of us! That is incredibly rude of you. People have different tastes. Political satire is not his thing, so sorry to be a disappointment. You are offensive.

OP posts:
Insomnibrat · 20/12/2016 00:24

Honestly I think all this sounds really ungrateful and a bit mean. She's out spending her money on things in good faith, which she hopes will make him smile. The gesture itself is a warm one and deserves gratitude.

I don't know the difference between one shite scifi series and another either, but do know Private Eye is awesome.

BratFarrarsPony · 20/12/2016 00:28

" You are offensive. "

Personally I find grown adults whinging and whining about presents from a kind mother before they have even been received 'offensive'.

You need to get a cop on to yourself.

thegoodnameshadgone · 20/12/2016 00:28

Aw your poor mum. She's just trying to be nice. Tell him to smile. Take her for afternoon tea next year and do it together Smile

Original poster
Cherrysoup · 20/12/2016 00:29

Hold up, no, my DH is not a toddler. Why so rude? He knows nothing about the presents this year. He will be unsurprised when he gets them and he will be suitably grateful and thank her sincerely when he has opens them. I am not present HQ (!!), but this is not the first time and I do know his tastes, having been married quite a while.

At no point have I said it was a grave offence , let's not be silly here. Clearly IABU and she can waste her money year on year. Fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrysoup · 20/12/2016 00:30

And again, he will be genuinely grateful. He's an extremely nice person (yes, yes, unlike me)

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 20/12/2016 00:32

I meant Gift HQ as in Head quarters .... You sound like you are trying to stick your beak into his families gifting choices, wanting to police what they buy.

MrsDustyBusty · 20/12/2016 00:32

Why so rude?

Well you said that you turned it around by telling your mother that your husband didn't like the rumours that she had the temerity to give him. That you consider that rudeness to be the good option suggests that what could have happened if you hadn't stepped in would have been shocking.

Only1scoop · 20/12/2016 00:33

'Tell DM she got it badly wrong' Confused

Original poster
Cherrysoup · 20/12/2016 00:34

haveacupoftea If only. He has never understood why she gets related items when he has never said he likes them.

Your username reminds me of a group called Electric Camembert, very odd music.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrysoup · 20/12/2016 00:41

Well you said that you turned it around by telling your mother that your husband didn't like the rumours that she had the temerity to give him. That you consider that rudeness to be the good option suggests that what could have happened if you hadn't stepped in would have been shocking.

No, I told her his preferred alcohol was something else. No way was I rude, but hey, feel free to make up a conversation in your head.

OP posts:
Pluto30 · 20/12/2016 01:22

OP: AIBU
Everyone: Yes
OP: Well, I'm not

zzzzz · 20/12/2016 01:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cherrysoup · 20/12/2016 01:40

I will not be telling her, so I fail to see where I am being controlling. It would just be nice for her to not waste money on gifts that are immediately consigned to charity and for him to have something he wants. It's a bit odd that she gets such random stuff.

I accept that it would be rude and that IABU, thanks, Pluto ( I can read).

OP posts:
BratFarrarsPony · 20/12/2016 01:57

'nice for him to have something he really wants'

Remind us, how old is he ?

Pluto30 · 20/12/2016 02:02

I can see where she confused Dr Who and Star Wars. Not sure how that's "random". Seems like an innocent mistake.

I get that you're not going to tell her, but your attitude is still awful.