Sleeping over, family fall out and a load of pressure and guilt trips....WWYD?

[thetwocultures]

I've posted about my DPs (Parents) and OH not getting along before (name changed since and then someone used my original username ) the fall out only happened around August this year so still fresh and raw.

Try to cut it short and I really need some advice as I feel quite upset over the whole situation.

My family is from a different country where we celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve so the day before it gets celebrated in UK. Which is good for me as I don't have to juggle who's side we see on what day etc.
Anyway, my DPs usually see my DS once a week agreed either Monday or Wednesday and then drop him off at OHs DMs house as I'm at work and like I said them and my OH don't really talk (it's more from my OHs side).
This week they asked me if instead of doing the usual could me and DS come over and sleep over at their house on Friday and spend Christmas Eve with them, have dinner, open presents and they would drop us off home Christmas Eve before DSs bed time (7pm).
Asked my OH what he thinks and he said that he has actually arranged for himself to have a day off that Friday so he could spend it with me and DS up until I had to go to work (I work 5pm into evening) and then he could have a bit of time with DS and put him to bed etc. as he never really gets much time off throughout the year and recently not been able to spend that much time with DS due to work etc.
I said 'how about we have the day together and then DS could be picked up/dropped off at my DPs house and I'd go there after work and we could spend the night + Christmas Eve there and get dropped back off' to which OH has made clear that he won't drop him off and isn't really up for them collecting him as he doesn't want to be around them and doesn't even like my parents being around DS but he knows they're his GPs and he needs to see them etc.
I said that its just hard because if I was to make my way there on Christmas Eve by the time we eat etc we'll have to head home with DS so it'll all be lots of faffing around and rushed.
I think OH saw I was a bit upset so he said that they could collect DS Friday evening from his DMs house (she only lives up the road).
But then he came back into the room after his shower and said he doesn't understand why everything has to get arranged around my DPs and he shouldn't have to change his plans/ rearrange things so that it suits them especially considering why they fell out in the first place and said how we could do nice things together on that Friday and then he could tuck DS in bed later. And he sort of left it there

I've briefly spoken to my DPs about this now and mentioned that OH actually has a day off on that Friday and wanted to spend it with us as we won't get any other days apart from Christmas Day when we're at OHs family and I'm back at work Boxing Day etc. My DF has basically said what I mentioned to OH 'how about we get DS in the evening before bedtime' so I just said I'll see and let them know.
I know my DPs will be getting their back up over this as they will think my OH is trying to make things hard/stop them from doing things with DS etc...

And now I don't know what to do because I feel like either way I will be sad because I know one side won't be happy and it feels like I just have to choose which side I upset depending on my decision....

WWYD?

I add my sister to mine for a weekend when she comes to see us - it's £15 -

It feels like you have already decided and are looking for validation.

I understand you not wanting to out yourself. But it's hard to give valid advice if one only knows half the story. You say that he is partially to blame for not saying 'no' at some point. Again, without the facts it's impossible to know whether or not he should have said no or if there was great familial pressure to let things go on or if your parents would even have listened to him if he had said no.

Do your parents really understand how upset your DH is about the situation? Have they ever attempted to apologize or make things right?

I still think your first loyalty should be to your husband. And I can't imagine spending Xmas Eve night away from mine. Nor would my parents ever expect me to.

It REALLY wouldn't make sense to insure myself on OHs car.
He's usually on the road for his job which means he's out of the house 7am - 9pm on some days, usually weekends are spent together apart from Xmas eve as of this year. If at any other time I had other plans he would make himself busy ie go to work in his office - which he needs his car for or catch up with one of his friends - which he needs his car for . We live in the middle of nowhere and I'm already wasting hours everyday getting to and from work due to minimal bus coverage in the area so it makes a lot more sense that I insure my own car rather than be an add. driver on a car I hate driving + it's usually being used by someone anyway.

I have made my decision already yes, I will spend Friday with OH and won't sleep over at my DPs. But I have told my DPs I will get there early Xmas Eve Morning so I could help my DM with the preparations.
I will have a look at insuring my own car first, or get a lift from my DF or in a last resort get OH to suck it up and give me a lift.
But thank you everyone who replied to this read it has been really helpful.
I'm usually extremely indecisive and I really appreciate other perspectives.

I think you are still a daughter first and a wife and mother second.

And I don't think that's a good thing

Gravy would you care to elaborate on that opinion please ?

Whenever you have plans elsewhere he goes off to work? Does he never look after your son when you have things to do?

I think you have not yet moved to a mindset that your dc and DH are your immediate family and your dps are now your extended family. Therefore your immediate family should take priority.

thetwocultures

The thing is I don't thing what happened was 100% their fault as OH believes it is I think it was partially his as well, he was in the position where he could have put his foot down many times but never did and there have been other things on his part too.
But he solely blames them for all of it.

But from what you have written your parents get shirty if they are not getting their own way. Maybe without you realising your dh did say something and your parents ignored him.

The fact your dh sees you as not taking his side and still running around in circles trying to accommodate your parents whilst he is working to replenish what they have lost you as a couple, no wonder he has decided to not buy into this running around trying to accommodate your parents wishes.

You do seem to be overly involved with your parents. I would say a lot of people dont see their parents from one month to another.

When things were on better terms why didn't your parents look after your ds a couple of times per week. You did say your parents lived on the way to your work so why couldn't he have been dropped off their.

Oliversmums I only started the job in the last couple of months. I was a SAHM up until then so there was no need for anyone to babysit.