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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rude mum at playgroup

165 replies

Jellybean14 · 16/12/2016 19:18

Hi all, my 2 year old is at that age where she likes to hit other kids. She does it usually when she thinks other kids are taking her toys. I've tried explaining it's not nice to hit and am tried my best to manage her. I've also got a 5 month old who demands a lot of my time. Anyway the reason for the post is today when I went to playgroup I was approached very aggressively by a rude mum who said my daughter was hitting all the kids ( she wasn't) and that she hit her girl and made her cry ( I didn't see it happen but maybe she did). I calmly apologised and explained how tough it is having to manage two, to which she said something along the lines of, I have two kids too and I can manage. She demanded my girl apologise to her daughter which she did, but just went on and on about the hitting. I felt really embarassed and now angry that she made me feel this way. I don't mind she approached be but the manner was quite shocking! Am I being unreasonable to expect her to be more understanding? Perhaps share her experience and maybe say, I know how hard it is.... rather than being rude?

OP posts:

HeadElf · 17/12/2016 01:04

Feeling we can only hope

HeadElf · 17/12/2016 01:04

Nirvanababy · 17/12/2016 01:05

Take the advice offered and don't be so dismissive. Millions, actual millions of women have more than one or two kids and I would hazard a guess that they can manage supervision of their kids.
You're not special. I also doubt that it was "shocking"
Stop your kid from menacing and start paying attention before you become that mother

You came on here asking AIBU, you are. Stop sulking because you didn't get the response you wanted

Stop the cycle now, be a big girl and teach your kids

bigbuttons · 17/12/2016 09:11

mammylamb are you a hun? Did you wander over from another forum? I am not a mummy btw, yuk, horrible term.

Olympiathequeen · 17/12/2016 09:21

If your child is constantly hitting other children maybe the playgroup isn't in her best interest? 2 year olds don't play with other children anyway they just play alongside them. She may be better in the calmer home environment where she can be better monitored. It isn't normal for toddlers to hit all the time and if you insist on putting her in an environment where she hits then you need to monitor her better.

I would be totally p**d off if my toddler was hit constantly because the parent wasn't supervising.

WeDoNotSow · 17/12/2016 13:40

It's not really 'Judgey' to expect parents to parent though, is it Mammy?

'Tis a waste of flowers in any case, OP has decided MN is mean, and I doubt she'll be back

corythatwas · 17/12/2016 13:49

When dd was a little horror, I found it sent a reassuring message to the other parents if I was not only seen to follow her closely, but would actually walk straight out of any meeting (after apologising) the moment she hit someone. I don't know if it changed dd's behaviour in any way, but if you were the parent of the other child I imagine you would notice a difference between:

a) I am so sorry, dd we are going home NOW (message: I am doing what I can)

and

b) well, you can't really expect me to supervise, I do have two children, you know (message: I have no intention of trying to do anything about it)

ScrumpyBetty · 17/12/2016 16:33

Why post on AIBU if you don't want to hear the answers? It's not a 'validate me' forum, it's called Am I Being Unreasonable and it's called that for good reason!

WanderingTrolley1 · 17/12/2016 16:44

No excuse, OP.

There are 12 months between my youngest two. My focus was on my toddler more than the baby.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/12/2016 17:51

All that over reaction over a baby hitting a baby. FGS. I mean if your dd was say around 6 and hitting a 2 year old I'd understand the women. Kids do hit and push each other. Its just a part of growing up and development. It never bothered me one iota that, my child being hit.
She's on about a baby being aggressive yet. Squaring up to you and demanding not requesting that a 2 year old apologises. When she probably doesn't even know what she's apologising for. I'd say smacks of aggression.
Also if your dd did as she says. Hit every single child. Could their parent's not have spoke up themselves.

AliceInUnderpants · 17/12/2016 17:54

Awwlook It's really not about the toddler hitting the baby, it's about the fact that the mother sits there crying "It's not my fault, having two children exempts me from parenting"

kiwimumof2boys · 18/12/2016 09:14

Sounds like you need to be firmer, sorry.
I would sternly tell her that hitting is very mean and if she hits anyone again you will be going home.
I hated it when my kids were at toddler group and got hit/bitten and their prissy parents would just tell then 'not to be mean' in a pathetic voice . . . . to which the child would pay no attention to and keep doing it.

Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes you gotta be firm.

roundtable · 18/12/2016 09:38

One of mine was a hitter and I had 2 close together. There were many months of hoiking out of soft play/groups etc. I stopped going to soft play for about 6 months as it was too stressful and I'd have to hover over him constantly.

He's way, way past that now and is kind and considerate.

However, one thing that irked me in the period that he hit was that he only hit when children took toys away from him that he was playing with. He has a speech issue and couldn't form the sounds to say no.

Because I always hovered over him, I could always intervene but what I found astonishing and still do, is how many parents may not have a hitter/biter but do have a child that will merrily take toys away from other children repeatedly and don't intervene. It's linked behaviour imo and equally negative.

So op, you have to take control. Hitting/ biting/snatching is all undesirable behaviour. But better to deal with it now than when they're older. Good luck.

elodie2000 · 18/12/2016 09:40

16/12/2016 22:20 Jellybean14

Ok this is probably why I never post on mumsnet! Some of you have been downright rude and judgemental. Some have been more understanding. Anyway this is the first and last time I'll ever. One on here

YABVU. You are being advised to watch your child. If your DC hits, it's your job to be up there supervising. If you're not doing that, other parents will complain.

Wishingplenty · 08/01/2026 14:19

Love how this thread was created 9 years ago, and bares no relevance to the OP now, but the same old problems are now someone else's problem. I got shouted at, at playgroup yesterday because my just turned 2 year old touched someone else's water bottle. And yet if I was to create a new thread about what happened to me, I could just copy and paste the responses on here it would amount to the same thing. So why bother? Just reserect a zombie thread instead. General consensus on here is your a bad mother for having a normal 2 year old behaved child. How is your 11 year old hitter by the way op? Bet the toddler years are long forgotten about now for you. Please have a little thought for some of us that are still going through it, and hope you don't mind I reserected your thread. Your responses on here are the reason I did not start my own lol.x

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