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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude mum at playgroup

165 replies

Jellybean14 · 16/12/2016 19:18

Hi all, my 2 year old is at that age where she likes to hit other kids. She does it usually when she thinks other kids are taking her toys. I've tried explaining it's not nice to hit and am tried my best to manage her. I've also got a 5 month old who demands a lot of my time. Anyway the reason for the post is today when I went to playgroup I was approached very aggressively by a rude mum who said my daughter was hitting all the kids ( she wasn't) and that she hit her girl and made her cry ( I didn't see it happen but maybe she did). I calmly apologised and explained how tough it is having to manage two, to which she said something along the lines of, I have two kids too and I can manage. She demanded my girl apologise to her daughter which she did, but just went on and on about the hitting. I felt really embarassed and now angry that she made me feel this way. I don't mind she approached be but the manner was quite shocking! Am I being unreasonable to expect her to be more understanding? Perhaps share her experience and maybe say, I know how hard it is.... rather than being rude?

OP posts:
OopsDearyMe · 16/12/2016 21:44

Maybe all the Christmas pressure got to her and she over reacted a bit. I always try and remember that we don't know what goes on in peoples lives behind the scenes.

Iamthecatsmother · 16/12/2016 21:45

I think the op is getting a hard time here. It's not your fault that your DD is hitting but you do need to watch her behaviour and step in. My DD is eight now, absolutely delightful now. But when she was a toddler she was a nightmare, biter and hitter. I was very hands on with her but she still managed it sometimes. I told the other parents to tell me if she hit/bit and I'd deal with it. And I did. It was a phase and she grew out of it but your DD needs s firm hand now, for her own good.

TheWitTank · 16/12/2016 21:48

I don't think the lady was especially rude. If she posted here -
Went to playgroup today and one of the other children was making it miserable for the others by hitting. It was ruining their playtime and the mother was nowhere to be seen. After watching for a while I decided to confront the mother as her child was out of control. The mother told me it was hard coping with two young children but did not seem apologetic or prepared to do anything. WIBU to be cross?

supermoon100 · 16/12/2016 21:48

Wedonotsow, of course I care if my kids are hit, I just wouldn't make a great big song and dance about it! There is a possibility that the mother of the hit child was over reacting. I was merely trying to support the op

Original poster
Jellybean14 · 16/12/2016 21:50

Deranged? Are you serious? She's a toddler! Jeez

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybean14 · 16/12/2016 21:52

Read my post again! I said she wasn't hitting ALL the kids... so your points above don't make sense

OP posts:
WiIdfire · 16/12/2016 21:53

Is that all you got from over 100 replies?

WeDoNotSow · 16/12/2016 21:54

supermoon Good for you if you wouldn't make a big song a dance about it.
There's a big difference between a one off incident, where I wouldn't make a big deal about it, and your child being constantly battered, and the parent doing fuck all about it!

SallyGinnamon · 16/12/2016 21:54

*She wasn't hitting ALL the kids
*
Oh. Did she miss one?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 16/12/2016 21:54

but that means she was hitting SOME of the kids though. Whether it is ALL or SOME she is still hitting and needs to be supervised.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 16/12/2016 21:55

Also you know there is a possibility she will hit yet you still don't supervise?

TheWitTank · 16/12/2016 21:55

Why would this mum make up a story about your child hitting? Are you sure you haven't missed it? It would be pretty odd to be so riled up over nothing.

WeDoNotSow · 16/12/2016 21:56

Not ALL of them!
Pahaha

Jesus christ

AliceInUnderpants · 16/12/2016 21:58

This woman just happened to lie about your daughter hitting others, without knowing that your daughter is "going through that stage" of hitting others?

Original poster
Jellybean14 · 16/12/2016 22:06

OK please don't twist things. As soon as the woman told me my girl was hitting I got up and confronted my daughter and told her off! Never mind

OP posts:
datingbarb · 16/12/2016 22:06

YABU I had a newborn, 2 year old and 3 year old but still managed to watch my kids at playgroups etc.

As others said you can't use the excuse of a baby for not watching, especially if you know the child has a hitting problem you should be paying even closer attention

Florrieboo · 16/12/2016 22:06

Even hitting some of the kids is enough. A 5 month old isn't a newborn, honestly you remind me so much of the mum I knew. This is giving me rage flashbacks.

Don't let your child hit other children, if you think she will then don't put her in the situation where she has a chance to do it. Children don't feel safe if they see someone they know will likely hit them. It really isn't fair to inflict that on them.

I have 3 none of them hit, but, one of them was liable to have massive tantrums about sharing, I never relaxed at toddler groups while he was in that phase, I literally could not take my eyes off him for about 6 months. That is what you need to do, it will help you to defend her if she is accused in the wrong, and it will help you to intervene if she is hitting.

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2016 22:08

And I've never seen a 'hitter' take a smack back without screaming like they'd been shot.

Glastonbury · 16/12/2016 22:09

The point is you should have stopped her before she hurt anyone not after. It shouldn't have taken someone else to tell you.

cochineal7 · 16/12/2016 22:12

As soon as the woman told me my girl was hitting I got up
I think the overwhelming response you got was that that was a bit late. You just don't want to hear it.

Marcipex · 16/12/2016 22:12

Sorry but to 'confront' your toddler is not going to be effective.
You need to prevent the hitting by close supervision. If that's impossible, you need to remove her from the situation.ie take her home.

TheWitTank · 16/12/2016 22:13

AIBU?
Vast majority: YES
OP: No I'm not!

Why ask?!

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2016 22:15

and know that hovering adults often make children tense and more likey to hit

Original poster
Jellybean14 · 16/12/2016 22:20

Ok this is probably why I never post on mumsnet! Some of you have been downright rude and judgemental. Some have been more understanding. Anyway this is the first and last time I'll ever. One on here

OP posts:
WhooooAmI24601 · 16/12/2016 22:22

DS1 never really went through a hitting phase; he just couldn't be arsed with it all. DS2 more than made up for it by being a bit of a bollocks for a while. We used to go to a couple of playgroups with some genuinely lovely children but he took against one and it seemed like every week he would either hit or get into scrapes with this kid. It's not for everyone but I would remind him before that he needed to remember his kind hands and the minute he hit or shoved, we'd leave. It's harsh and cut my nose off for a couple of weeks because I was going mad at home with an irate 2 year old. However, it only took a couple of emergency rugby-ball-style carry-outs and he cut out the hitting. Which proved that he was absolutely in control of it.

Try just calmly packing up and saying "we're going home because you hurt x". Don't go batshit, don't do forced apologies (they mean sweet fa to small children) and don't bang on about it afterwards. Just pack up and leave. She'll work it out quickly enough. As pp's have suggested, it's not a massive issue unless it's allowed to continue long-term.