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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really cross about the situation my husband tried to put me in and to have said no

57 replies

PinotAndPlaydough · 16/12/2016 18:45

I will try and keep this short, I don't think I ABU but husband doea.

I work as a nanny looking after two children and have my two children with me at the same time, today their mum asked me to have them at my house and she would collect between 5.30-45, my husband knows all of these details.

At 5.35ish I get a text from husband saying MIL is visiting 90 year old relative at care home and want to know can I FaceTime them so they can speak to my children. I said no, I'm working and the mum is literally going to collect any minute (even if she was due to collect I would have said no but it was just the worst timing ever).

The lady I nanny for is lovely and wouldn't have minded if my children were on the phone and husband knows this, however I just don't think it's professional as my children would have needed help from me. I them revived streams of texts from husband saying it'll only be two minutes, old relative will be upset etc etc etc.
He has history for not standing up to/wanting to upset MIL and relations are very strained between us all.
I am so cross that he thought it would be OK (and told MIL it would be fine and to expect a call) because he can't say no to her.

He on the other hand think it was two minutes out of my day and would have been a nice thing to do for someone who doesn't have the chance to see the children very often. Was I being a cow to say no?

OP posts:
EnidColeslaw771 · 16/12/2016 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

birdybirdywoofwoof · 16/12/2016 18:48

I'm with you- and you sound like a v professional and lovely nanny.

cestlavielife · 16/12/2016 18:48

why didn't you just say, sure in ten minutes when my charges have gone ?

but yeh he didnt have to get so irate about it

Sparrowlegs248 · 16/12/2016 18:48

No yanbu to not do it immediately. Could you have done it ten minutes later after they had been picked up though??

mirrorballs · 16/12/2016 18:48

It would have been a lovely thing to do, but YANBU for not wanting to do it while working. Could it not have been done after the children had been collected?

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 16/12/2016 18:48

No. You were at work. He could have waited 15 minutes until you'd finished working and then face timed.

JennyOnAPlate · 16/12/2016 18:48

Yanbu to have said no.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 16/12/2016 18:50

however I just don't think it's professional as my children would have needed help from me.

I don't really understand the problem. If your children are with you all day in addition to your charges, presumably there must be times when your attention is diverted momentarily from your charges to your own kids?

Mrsglitterfairy · 16/12/2016 18:50

I agree with you OP, you were at work so no, YANBU to do it at that time. Could you have done it a little later though?

CauliflowerSqueeze · 16/12/2016 18:50

YANBU.
I agree with Enid

Original poster
PinotAndPlaydough · 16/12/2016 18:52

I said I would call when I finished, his issue was that if she arrived at 5.45 to collect by the time we had chatted and handed over it would have been 6ish and too late.

OP posts:
WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 16/12/2016 18:53

YANBU. He was especially unreasonable and rude to agree without consulting you. It's his fault if MIL and the relative are upset.

If he was that bothered then he could have arranged an alternative time to FaceTime when he would be available to supervise.

AnInfiniteOceanOfLight · 16/12/2016 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thefrizzyhairedcommunity · 16/12/2016 18:54

YANBU

Original poster
PinotAndPlaydough · 16/12/2016 18:54

Yes there are times when I need to focus on my children but I don't think sitting with them to help them make a phone call is one of those times, they hate talking on the phone so would have needed loads of encouragement from me and I can guarantee it would have last longer than two minutes!

OP posts:
pklme · 16/12/2016 18:55

IT would have been rude of you to be unavailable when the children's mum arrived. I wouldn't dream of taking a personal call in the office, during the thirty min slot when my boss sits with me to allocate/review tasks.

EstelleRoberts · 16/12/2016 19:02

Why couldn't MIL have extended her visit a little to accommodate your schedule?

If she wants such a call it would be sensible to discuss with you in advance when you will be able to facilitate it.

abbsisspartacus · 16/12/2016 19:03

Good grief couldn't elderly relative wait till 6? Its not hours away we are talking minutes not hours here

MrsMattBomer · 16/12/2016 19:11

I get that it might be unprofessional but you were being a bit bullish about it. There was no reason for you to refuse really - presumably you have to help your kids at other points in the day? How is it not unprofessional then?

Stormwhale · 16/12/2016 19:13

Yanbu.

AnyFucker · 16/12/2016 19:14

You did the right thing

Softkitty2 · 16/12/2016 19:18

Yanbu, he clearly doesnt respect the work you do.

Shoppingwithmother · 16/12/2016 19:18

I can see both sides, but maybe if you feel you cannot talk properly, etc etc when working, it would be easier to just not answer the phone?

PickAChew · 16/12/2016 19:18

yanbu. He shouldn't have put you on the spot, expecting you to immediately drop everything and agree and he certainly shouldn't have sent you all those texts when you, rightly, said no you can't.

Does he have form for this sort of thing?

yorkshapudding · 16/12/2016 19:22

Enid has hit the nail on the head.

Your work is childcare, which society deems to be 'womens work' and therefore less important, despite the enormity of the responsibility it carries. I doubt your DH consciously thinks of your work as unimportant but, clearly, on this occasion he has (unconsciously at least) forgotten that you are a professional in your own right as well as being 'his wife'.