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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my 5 year old saying the F word isn't that big a deal?

70 replies

Catbell82 · 15/12/2016 17:18

DS teacher called me into the classroom after school today to tell me that DS had used the F word after assembly. She said she had a stern talk with him and if it happens again he'll be sent to the headmaster. I was obviously a bit shocked - we don't use this language at home, well at least not in front of him! I asked DS why he said it and he wouldn't answer so I waited until we had left school to ask him again. He said he was singing Beat It and Michael Jackson says fucking, I told him that he actually says funky (I think!). I could understand his confusion and told him not to say it again. Obviously I don't think children should be swearing but I don't see the point in making a big deal out of it - he'll almost certainly be swearing when he's a teenager and as an adult. The teacher was obviously right to reprimand him but does it make me a bad parent to think that its not a big deal in this instance?

OP posts:

Caprianna · 15/12/2016 17:22

She made too big a deal of it by calling you into the classroom like that after a one off.

GashleyCrumbTiny · 15/12/2016 17:23

Well, it's not a big deal given the full circumstances. The teacher didn't know it was down to mishearing something, but I wouldn't sweat it given that it was effectively accidental swearing!

atticusclaw2 · 15/12/2016 17:27

He's clearly heard the word though to mis-hear it in the song.

Its not a major deal but I would expect the teacher to call you in. In addition all depends on context. If he's said a random word then that's one thing but if he's said "I can't find my fucking pencil" then clearly that's another thing.

We went into school when Ds2 was in reception because whenever he went near one child that child said "fuck off you fucker" to him. I expected the teacher to do something about it (and she did).

BahHumbug16 · 15/12/2016 17:30

I'll be teaching my son not to swear at school and in front of his grandparents but as he gets older I won't get mad if he occasionally swears.
I swear if I hurt myself or if I'm really mad or upset, it's a part of life and language these days I'm afraid but I wouldn't swear at work (even though most my colleagues do) and in fact I don't think I ever really swear outside of my home.
I wouldn't tolerate my son swearing just in general conversation though.

SantasJockstrap · 15/12/2016 17:33

Should have told her to fuck off

Seriously, I think there are far more intolerable words than what we count as swearwords and the teacher over reacted

Wellthen · 15/12/2016 17:35

Honestly I think it is a big deal; he's 5. Just because he'll swear at 15 doesn't mean he should now.

DS says it was whilst singing along but it doesn't sound from your story as if she had understood that. If she knew it was an accident then yes, maybe she overreacted a bit.

The subtext of speaking to you is also "he can't say this at school. If you use it around him he's going to get into trouble". She can't out and out ask you if you swear at home so this is a way of doing it.

Secondary schools I think can be a bit more lienient but imho in primary the context doesn't matter (except when a child genuinely doesn't know it's a swear word).

ElfingHeck · 15/12/2016 17:38

I'd be a bit shocked at a 5yo swearing!

PotteringAlong · 15/12/2016 17:40

I think it is a big deal. It's not acceptable to swear at school and it's definitely not acceptable for a 5 year old to be swearing at school.

iamadaftcoo · 15/12/2016 17:41

Meh.

That is all.

Hedgehog80 · 15/12/2016 17:41

My 7 y o swore recently ......called dh a "fucking idiot" after hearing dd1 swear a few days beforehand (she's 15 and a bit angry).
Dd2 had said she wanted to do maths homework at bedtime and dh said no it's too late to which she replied "but I love maths! You're just a fucking idiot aren't you!"
Don't think she realised how rude it was and then we had ds2 (4) repeating it and that it was "fucking idiot disgusting language" over and over as we had told her off

MatildaTheCat · 15/12/2016 17:42

Would expect her to mention it. If other children heard their parents might not be too thrilled. I'm sure it's a one off and you've explained why it happened but I don't think the teacher was wrong to tell you.

Hearing very little children swear makes me sad, it's a loss of innocence.

Floralnomad · 15/12/2016 17:42

I think a 5 yo swearing is a big deal and I would worry about the parenting ability of anybody who thought it was acceptable behaviour .

wowbutter · 15/12/2016 17:43

I am amazed at a,k the people who don't think it's a big deal and use these words on a daily basis!
I am not adverse to swearing and I occasionally do, verbally, when angry and frequently do when I am writing. But, I would be mortified if a five year old used it because of me.
I am glad that teacher pulled you in, I hope it makes you think and you speak honestly with your child about using unacceptable words.

MatildaTheCat · 15/12/2016 17:43

Should add I can see how it happens with older DC in the family, it's just Minot nice hearing and DC definitely need to know it's unacceptable at school.

Shurelyshomemistake · 15/12/2016 17:45

This thread will divide into pearl clutchers and the mehs. The pearl clutches will probably not have kids of an age to hear this from school friends, foes, or siblings. The mehs will have less cosseted/ slightly older children ;)

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 15/12/2016 17:45

I told my 18 year old off for saying "fuck it" at the computer today

LynetteScavo · 15/12/2016 17:45

Children need to know it's not an acceptable word at school.

DS1 learnt "fucker" in Y3 and taught it to 4yo DS2. Luckily DS2 never said it at school (pretty sure I'd have been called in if he did!) but used it an awful lot at home, including in a song he made up.

Now,if DS1 hadn't learnt it at school...had the school been better at dealing with pupils....I removed DS from that school after a year. So I say be glad you send your child to a school where the F word isnt tolerated.

But also explain to the teacher what he was actually saying.

Trifleorbust · 15/12/2016 17:47

He isn't allowed to swear at school for good reason. The teacher is right to challenge it. She probably thought you would be shocked given he is only 5...

Shurelyshomemistake · 15/12/2016 17:48

FFS it is not a loss of innocence. How ridiculous. It's a developmental inevitability. Better that children learn the proper versions and not to use them than use those hideous tweeisms like fudge and shoot. In my opinion.

mnistooaddictive · 15/12/2016 17:48

As a secondary teacher I am definitely not cosseted, but I wouldn't have wanted my 5 year old hearing fuck at school and repeating it at home. You need to be more careful of your language so your child doesn't pick it up.

Shurelyshomemistake · 15/12/2016 17:51

People it is not always at home that children hear these words. Have you heard of these things called peers?!?

ghostspirit · 15/12/2016 17:52

i dont think she needed to say anything. but as she did maybe you could let her know you had a chat with ds and tell her about the song.

children pick up swear words not always in the home. we can tell them not to say it. its not nice etc but it will happen now and then.

GahBuggerit · 15/12/2016 17:53

no biggie at all, especially in this case. my ds when he was 4 told me to f off, totally out of context, gentle questioning revealed he had no idea what it meant, just must have heard it. hasnt swore since apart from a "bugger" that he heard at the ils.

think teach was right to flag it up but its certainly no big deal at all. forget about it :)

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 15/12/2016 17:53

Children need to learn to never ever ever swear at school ! Esp primary ! He knows now !

harderandharder2breathe · 15/12/2016 17:54

Yes actually a five year old saying fuck is something id find totally unacceptable

It's not hard to moderate your language so you don't swear around your children. I never heard my mother swear til I was 15 years old. Actually not just around children, there are many situations in life where it's not acceptable to swear, school is one but also at work, the doctors, church/mosque/temple, job interview, dealing with members of the public, visiting grandparents.

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