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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my 5 year old saying the F word isn't that big a deal?

70 replies

Catbell82 · 15/12/2016 17:18

DS teacher called me into the classroom after school today to tell me that DS had used the F word after assembly. She said she had a stern talk with him and if it happens again he'll be sent to the headmaster. I was obviously a bit shocked - we don't use this language at home, well at least not in front of him! I asked DS why he said it and he wouldn't answer so I waited until we had left school to ask him again. He said he was singing Beat It and Michael Jackson says fucking, I told him that he actually says funky (I think!). I could understand his confusion and told him not to say it again. Obviously I don't think children should be swearing but I don't see the point in making a big deal out of it - he'll almost certainly be swearing when he's a teenager and as an adult. The teacher was obviously right to reprimand him but does it make me a bad parent to think that its not a big deal in this instance?

OP posts:

blondiebonce · 15/12/2016 17:55

It's fine for you to think it's not a big deal but so many parents do that it's important to know when to clamp down.

It's not exactly shocking that parents might be unhappy at a 5 year old swearing.

WorraLiberty · 15/12/2016 17:56

The teacher didn't make a big deal of it imo.

She told him what will happen if he says it again in school and that's that.

I think that's fair enough.

Stopandlook · 15/12/2016 17:57

Hate hearing swearing 5 year olds and I'd expect the school to treat it seriously too.

Gazelda · 15/12/2016 17:58

It'd be a big deal to me. And I'd be annoyed if I found out my DD had used the F word at school and the teacher hadn't told me.
But I respect that every family is different and are OK with the DC using that language. I'd just prefer it if they didn't around me or my DD and that she didn't use it at all (unrealistic, I know!)

Ragwort · 15/12/2016 17:59

I would be very upset if my 5 year old swore and would want to be told by the Head. I have a 15 year old and he did use the F word in front of DH and I at dinner last night and yes, I was not happy.

I can understand that he might swear when he is with his mates but I certainly don't want him using swear words at home or in any other inappropriate situation - and I don't care if that makes me a pearl clutcher, I don't swear and not many people in my social circle swear.

DailyFail1 · 15/12/2016 18:01

I would be worried about a 5 year old swearing. Parents who don't care about vulgarity at this age probably let a lot of other things slide too. Sil said at the school she teaches at, they'd keep a closer eye on kids caught swearing, and said most of them have lateness/absence/hygiene problems too and need social services involvement.

BarbarianMum · 15/12/2016 18:02

I agree. In this case it was a misunderstanding but he needs to know this is just not on at school. I'd certainly expect to be told if it were my child.

Learning where and when it's OK to swear (and to whom) is a really important life lesson.

Janey50 · 15/12/2016 18:04

In my experience,children of 5 and under quite often don't actually understand that they are saying something rude or offensive. I clearly remember my 3 year old DGD telling her mum to 'bugger off'. I know for a fact that she hadn't heard it from her mum,dad or me,as we were very careful not to swear around her as she was proving to be a bit of a 'parrot'. It sounded so incongruous coming from one so young,my DD and I struggled to keep straight faces. My DD reprimanded her but didn't make a big deal about it,as she has witnessed a friend of hers kids doing it all the more when a big thing was made of it. DD is now 10,and although she does hear the odd swear word from the adults at home,she never repeats them.

2014newme · 15/12/2016 18:07

My children thought the f word was fart till they were 9.
I hate kids swearing I assume they have sweary dreadful parents #judgy

ghostspirit · 15/12/2016 18:09

op did your ds even know he was swearing?

i think its a bit odd to think if a child swears it means there is other stuff going on to and need ss involvement.

you can have children that are very smartly dressed. no swearing. behaves really well and is confident etc... but anything could be happening behinde closed doors.

Roussette · 15/12/2016 18:17

he'll almost certainly be swearing when he's a teenager and as an adult

Not necessarily in front of you unless you are OK with it. My lot are now adults, I'm sure they swear with their friends but I've never heard it.

GahBuggerit · 15/12/2016 18:17

i find it odd too ghost, and worrying to think a school would latch on to someones child who may have no idea they are repeating a swear word. seriously doubt they would involve ss over one incident though? that would be a tremendous waste of resources

Cubtrouble · 15/12/2016 18:19

He's five years old and you think the teacher was unreasonable?? Wow

missyB1 · 15/12/2016 18:26

The teacher handled it exactly right in my opinion. Out of interest OP how would you have preferred it to be handled? I'm sure you understand that the School don't want all the kids swearing at each other.

Original poster

Catbell82 · 15/12/2016 18:30

My DS certainly doesn't have lateness/absence/hygiene problems too and need social services involvement. Neither of my parents swore and I was swearing by the time I left primary school. I don't know where I picked it up from but it definitely wasn't my parents. I'm not questioning if the teacher should have disciplined him or told me. I'm glad she did. But I'm not going to make a big deal of it when he thinks he was just singing the lyrics to a song. Unless of course it happens again...

OP posts:

Caprianna · 15/12/2016 18:30

most children try out the odd juicy swear word in the playground with their friends. It doesn't mean they will grow up swearing at the head teacher or that SS must be called.

I would be much more worried of my child started to speak with that horrible estuary London accent than if they used the occasional f word to be honest.

Original poster

Catbell82 · 15/12/2016 18:31

Please read my post properly - I never said the teacher was unreasonable!

OP posts:

GahBuggerit · 15/12/2016 18:33

i think youre handling it right op

Deadsouls · 15/12/2016 18:37

Well this thread is very clearly divided which just goes to show how different we all are as parents.

Personally I'm 'it's not a big deal' and I wouldn't make a big fuss out of it or catastrophise about it.

There are much more challenging aspects to parenting IMO. I'd let it go. I'm not surprised the teacher pulled him up as they are probably obligated to do so and have to show they take a position on it.

I think posters calling parenting into question because of this are completely overreacting to something fairly innocent.

FoolandFitz · 15/12/2016 18:54

I work in a school. One year, we had a boy who swore a lot (some of it from parents and some from rap music) and other children copied and then there were lots of children swearing. It took an enormous effort and parent meetings to quash the language. They were reception age.

I know it was your DS mishearing lyrics (and I have talked to adults to used to hear the same thing when they were children) but I think the teacher handled it right. Yes, it's not a big deal from your end because it was a genuine mistake but like you said, it only becomes a big deal if he says it again.

Shurelyshomemistake · 15/12/2016 19:17

Arf at kids swearing needing social services involvement. This is a very, very class-based and English obsession. Kids who swear habitually and have few boundaries, yes of course there may be other issues but otherwise, oh come onnnnnn! Off to wash my occasionally blasphemous grubby little social services red flagee-s now.

iamadaftcoo · 15/12/2016 19:19

Arf at kids swearing needing social services involvement.

Quite. Bloody ridiculous.

JellyBelli · 15/12/2016 19:20

I grew up around deaf people and they swear a lot. Its a big deal if you choose to turn it into one.

Shurelyshomemistake · 15/12/2016 19:33

And as for "parents who don't care about vulgarity at this age probably let a lot of other things slide too". Pfffffft! Standards, Hyacinth.

echt · 15/12/2016 20:23

The teacher was right. She wasn't to know the swearing was an error rather than deliberate. As for her being unreasonable to call the OP into the classroom for this as suggested upthread, it's called being professional, giving proper privacy for a delicate discussion.

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