To think my 5 year old saying the F word isn't that big a deal?

[Catbell82]

DS teacher called me into the classroom after school today to tell me that DS had used the F word after assembly. She said she had a stern talk with him and if it happens again he'll be sent to the headmaster. I was obviously a bit shocked - we don't use this language at home, well at least not in front of him! I asked DS why he said it and he wouldn't answer so I waited until we had left school to ask him again. He said he was singing Beat It and Michael Jackson says fucking, I told him that he actually says funky (I think!). I could understand his confusion and told him not to say it again. Obviously I don't think children should be swearing but I don't see the point in making a big deal out of it - he'll almost certainly be swearing when he's a teenager and as an adult. The teacher was obviously right to reprimand him but does it make me a bad parent to think that its not a big deal in this instance?

Did everyone actually read the context of why OP's DS said the f word - it was a misheard lyric from a song. Its not like the OP is condoning 5 year olds deliberately swearing. OP teacher handled it right and you are right to have a word then drop it - as he didn't know what he had said, if you make a bigger deal out of it ds will be more intruiged.

As a 7 year old I was very keen on making things rhyme, I called James Hunt a very interesting name apparently - and yes my brother did grass me up

I have a quiet word with children caught swearing in my classes because they usually have no idea what they're saying. If it was directed at someone and they had a bit more awareness of what they were doing, I'd have a word with the parents. You have to pick your battles where I teach.

My favourite swearing-related non-incident as a teacher was a parent complaining to me at parents' evening that her son was coming home saying c*t because they had heard it from a boy with autism in my class (who I had never heard swear), and she NEVER used language like that so it couldn't possibly have come from her. The same parent was heard yelling, "I'm sick of this f**ing school!" (he'd probably got paint on his jumper or something equally as stupid) at the classroom door, with all the kids inside. Total mystery where her innocent little boy picked up the language from!

I hate it. Ds2 (5) learned it in reception from a classmate with anger problems and large swear vocab. So then Ds1 (8) and ds3 (3) learned it in next couple of wks.

Now they are all using it. It's horrendous when your 3 year old in nursery is calling his class mates "fuckers". I want ground to swallow me up. And I adore being told to f off by my 5 yr old

Meh. I don't give a fuck about swearing. They're just words. I think it's prissy and uptight to get so stressed about it. I think the teacher needs to unclench.

There's a song that goes "what the fox say" (possibly said- I don't know!) when my friends child sings it, it sounds like she's saying "what the fuck eh?"

The first time I heard it I was really shocked (and found it quite helerious but o don't have children yet so am still allowed to find it funny )

I certainly do think it is an issue of a child is regularly going round swearing, but misheard lyrics? Bit different, he may never have heard it anywhere but thought that was the sound of the word!

Obviously he's going to repeat what he hears. But he has to learn about appropriateness and it is inappropriate to use such language.

From a different point of view. I wouldn't let my 6 year old have play dates with a 6 year old who used bad language.

Some of these reactions are quite frankly fucking ridiculous.

These parents who are saying 'Meh' 'Just words' etc etc

I'm guessing that they're a different generation to me?

God knows what generation selfie will be happy with their children doing.

It is an issue. It is a big deal. It should be dealt with. It's not that hard to stop your child hearing swearing in your own home. They should know which words are inappropriate to use.

Nice I also would not let my kids play with children who swore openly.

I don't think it's about generation.

Meh. Seems a bit of an over reaction considering the context. But I can't get worked up about sexual swearing or blasphemy. Kids have been told not to say it at school (who don't even like the word fart!) and in front of the grandparents but I don't mind too much at home, I'd be rather hypocritical if I did.

I did surprise myself when DD2 came out with 'this country isn't big enough to take all these refugees'. Poor child was subjected to a 10 minute rant of 'your family is full of immigrants, granny is an immigrant, X and Y are immigrants, Z was an immigrant when he lived in this other country, don't ever let me hear you say such a horrible thing again about the people who come to this country and help make it great'. So that obviously pushed my buttons (live in an area with too much BNP support and manage people from overseas who have been attacked, their stories about what they have faced are terrible).

I think what is truly offensive isn't really fuck and cunt anymore, it's racism and sexism. If one of the kids used some of those words (can't even write them down) they'd be hauled over the coals.

Op I don't think it's a really big deal if your son has mispronounced song lyrics. My dd at the same age would sing in an American accent.

On the whole swearing in children I would rather them not. When they are little they can't gauge how to use it in context. I don't mind other people's children swearing, it can be funny, but I wouldn't have tolerated it of mine.

I'd have definitely have wanted to know if my children had been swearing at school at 5 and I would have been really embarrassed if they had.

I worked in various nurseries for a few years, and we had a number of 3/4 yos swearing. We always told the parents and funnily enough the majority of them hadn't heard it at home.

Our children are 20 &22 now. They do swear, DS1 is a soldier so his language can be a bit ripe, but they never, ever swear at DH or I.

There's s huge difference between saying something once and
swearing a lot.

I called my mum a bitch when I was 3 at nursery for leaving me on my own. I lived with my teenage aunt and uncle who would fight like cats and dogs. The great news is i went to a red brick uni and have a great career! Even managed an A* in Eng Language! My mum said she was mortified. 38 years later my old nursery teacher bumped into my mum and still remembers me well!

Never mind the swearing - i would be more shocked (in a good way) at my son singing a classic such as 'beat it' rather than some of the modern shite one hears these days. I can't believe the teachers didn't take this stance too.

Could be worse OP preschool teacher pulled my to one side yesterday to say DD aged 3 had declared she 'had a sore arse' we believe we have her grandad (currently suffering with piles) to thank for this pearl of wisdom

I'm with Shurely and Fosco, and I would definitely prefer my four year old to say 'fuck' than any of those coy, doily-wearing euphemisms like 'trump', 'winkle' and 'pardon'. If it came down to a choice, which it doesn't, obviously. Encouraging that someone young is listening to 'Beat It' -- when I was little I misheard key MJ lyrics all the time. For a while I thought that in 'Billie Jean' he was singing 'The chair is not my son'.

Context matters. Swearing in young children should be challenged, but appropriately for the way in which they used it. A misheard song lyric just needs a gentle correction. It is possible that the teacher just honed in on the word and missed some of the context- I've certainly just caught inappropriate student conversations at just the awkward moment from them.

DS asked what "cunt" was at 5, and we gently told that it's not a nice word and that we don't use it. It's not in our family vocabulary and is rarely used verbally in this area. I let his teacher know for her general awareness, assuming that he'd picked it up from another child. He wasn't swearing at us, and had some doubt about the word, so it needed a gentle challenge.

If he starts muttering "bugger" or "for fuck's sake" in deep exasperation then I'll know I'm responsible! He knows there's grown up words saved for special occasions. I normally manage to moderate myself.

Honestly, it's not a massive big deal of it was just the once and now he knows not to repeat it.

This will out me but in class once the teacher asked the class to think of another word for alcohol and my DS put his hand up and said n. He did not know the meaning but in the Bruno Mars song where he says 'put some liquor in it' he heard it as n, he said it so innocently that they had to laugh, they realised he didn't understand the true connotations of the word and thankfully it was the teaching assistant who is lovely and just pulled him aside quietly after and told him it was a bad word and we don't say it. We discussed it after and he never said it again, he was 7 at the time...

I was a bit horrified but I know my DS did not understand what it really meant and how innocent it was.

Oh for the good old days when my (now 23 yr old) ds came out of school (infants) and announced that X had been told off for swearing, and that it was the 'C' word.
Quite relieved when it emerged that the word was 'crap'