to think I'm making my baby's sleep worse?

[lilyb84]

Ds is nearly 11 months old and a terrible sleeper. He wakes hourly to two hourly or less, often cries when he wakes and won't re-settle, and won't go in his cot beyond the first hour or two (and I'm struggling even to get him to do that).

Every weekday evening (I work ft) he's super tired after being at the childminder and just cries and feeds from the moment we get home until he's asleep. I get back after picking him up at around quarter past 6 and literally sit feeding him while I try to have some dinner before bedtime, when I feed him to sleep. Even this isn't failsafe any more as sometimes he just won't drop off for up to two hours - I have to be in a completely dark room, lying down, otherwise no joy. I then go straight to bed myself as it's normally at least 9 if not 10 by that point. After his first wake - which could be after 20 minutes or 2 hours if I'm lucky - he normally comes into bed with us and we co-sleep, as otherwise I spend the whole night awake trying to resettle him in his cot.

DH generally does most of the bedtime routine - right now he's not working so he's also been collecting ds from the childminder so I don't have to rush home from work - but ds cries most of the time he's with him (normal behaviour at this age, I know). But since ds will only feed to sleep, DH can't put him to bed - and in the night ds literally only wants boob except when he doesn't and then I'm at a total loss as to how to resettle him - so he can't help at all with any of the night waking (although wakes almost as regularly as me thanks to ds crying!).

I've never been able to put ds in his cot awake - literally I have to wait for him to detach from me, completely and utterly fast asleep, even if he's been 'sleep-sucking' for an hour, before I attempt to transfer him, as otherwise he wakes immediately and cries. If I put him down awake he screams and gets hysterical - I can't do any gradual retreat or similar as he gets so worked up.

Have I created this situation somehow? Am I making it worse by co-sleeping? I know that bf babies do naturally wake more but I can't help but feel his sleep just gets worse and worse and nothing I do seems to help. DH would love to help more but literally there's nothing he can do - ds only wants me. At night when ds wakes he's immediately crying and searching for boob, and nothing else will do.

We do have the odd 'good' evening when he's a bit happier and won't scream through his bath, or will fall asleep quickly (hurray!) and then go in his cot for 2 hours before waking - and he's also a lovely, lovely little boy who just gets more and more fun all the time. I don't really mind the night waking as I'm really used to it now, but am starting to vaguely dread going home after work as I know what awaits me!

I know all babies are different so maybe I've just ended up with one who hates sleep (don't even get me started on naps), but I can't help but feel I'm doing something wrong. Surely at nearly a year old he should be sleeping a bit better than this? Or is this just the sign of a really strong attachment and I should be happy because he's going to be so well-adjusted and clearly will sleep amazingly when he's a toddler?

Does he have a nap at his childminders during the day? MY DS is 22 months and still has a 2 hour nap at nursery and home. It sounds to me like your son is actually overtired which is why it makes it hard for him to settle. My son started nursery at 9 months and I always had to rock him to sleep in his pram/pushchair. I realised they weren't going to do this at nursery so I went cold turkey. I started by rocking him to sleep me sitting in the rocking chair, then standing by the cot rocking him, then just cuddling him by the cot and after 2 weeks I could put him in his cot and he would go to sleep on his own. I have to add that he was bottled fed from 1 month so I never had the breast problem, and he went into his own room at 3 months old so he was used to being on his own. Also get a Dream Sheep - they are fab! I really hope things get better for you. Its so hard. My son has croup at the moment so we are both like zombies from lack of sleep! x

Sorry havent rtft
My DS2 did this! Exactly! Sleep was fine really cosleeping and breastfeeding until about 10 months. By around 11 months I was totally exhausted and at 12 months I had to change things!
The main thing, for me and him, was to let him get to sleep without breastfeeding. (you could still breastfeed but only for milk/some comfort/bonding but not to sleep).
So tried to get strict "sleep cues" for naps and bedtime. Did a version of controlled crying for 3 days and was much improved.

I know some might prefer a gentler approach but there may have been a couple of hours crying (in total, over the whole change in sleep pattern) but really he had been stressed trying to sleep breastfeeding /waking often, and crying anyway, with what we had been doing up until then, so I really think he was better off too.
Now this didnt stop night wakening/solve the whole problem but allowed DH to put him to bed. Got him to get to sleep pretty quickly by himself in his cot, when he was tired. Got me some time in evening and then at least 5 hrs before waking. Then over time (with me being a bit slow to respond if he did a small cry in night) he did get better at getting himself back to sleep. If he was really crying/upset in early hours I fed him, then put him back to bed to go back to sleep by himself.
It was tricky with the 5am wakening, I never knew whether to try and wait until morning feed or just feed and try and get him back to sleep.

I did stop breastfeeding around then but I did with my first 3 children around this time when they went onto normal cows milk. My 4th is breastfeeding at 18 months and sleeps pretty well. None of my other children went through this, just DS2. I used to call him my baby barnacle as he had been stuck to me all night!

www.isisonline.org.uk/how_babies_sleep/sleep_training/research_evidence/

OP, this is interesting to read if you're considering sleep training. It is evidence to show that although it works in the short term, it actually has no effect past 6 months
'Of the studies that have addressed this issue (only 3 - one quarter of the publications we systematically reviewed for this summary) none found an effect lasting 6 months or more after the sleep training methods was originally used, and found to 'improve' babies sleep. This means that the initial improvement, or 'benefit' of using the method disappeared, and outcomes were the same for the group of babies who had been 'sleep trained' as for those in the control group who had not'

Also, kellymom kellymom.com/nutrition/starting-solids/solids-how/

'Aim for baby getting no more than 25% of her calories from solids by the age of 12 months'
He may just be on milk catch up from being in childminders.

littledinaco Not in my experience. We had the 1-2 hourly wake ups, all due to a rock to sleep habit. Did CC. Worked amazingly - she slept through the first night. She still had night wakings at various stages (teething, illness, growth spurt etc) but it was 1-2 wakes a night. We never ever went back to the wakings every 1-2 hours. Thank god.

Yep, not in our experience either.

ISIS heavily biased in favour of attachment style parenting (which generally I do btw) but means you don't get a balanced view which is a shame.

Mini your misunderstanding the point of the conclusion- the research shows that out of babies who are sleap trained and those that are bf/rocked/whatever in the night they all sleep a similar amount 6 mths down the line- not that sleep trained babies will sleep terribley 6 mths later

I'm confused Indrid? I don't think I said anything about that? I just said he needs to nap more as he sounds over tired and that if they try CC it may be a couple of days noise and crying but it's worth it. The rest I haven't a clue what you're on about

This was an interesting thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/a1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

It looked like you were replying to pp posting research, looked like you were saying that because your dc still slept well 6 mths later that the research wasn't true but that isn't what that section of research was saying. Sorry if I misunderstood.

Pp- isis isn't 'biased' as such, it's just an information service run by durham uni in conjuncation with unicef. They include all credible research and unto date academic understanding on baby development, if it appears 'biased' it's more likely the research supports that as opposed to any underlying bias.

Nope not a word about research was said by me. Just that he maybe needs more naps and try CC

There are two minis here

Thanks for the continuing suggestions! I've got ds home and am trying to get him to sleep earlier than usual to see if he'll sleep better. Been feeding/sucking for best part of 45 mins so far so we'll see how it goes!

OP. In exactly the same situation here except I've not yet returned to work.

It sucks. You have my sympathy.

Came back to see how you were doing OP. Good luck, it will get easier and you are doing fab!

Dc3 was like this and the only thing that worked was to not feed him to sleep. I did this by feeding, bath, feeding and unlatching him before he was asleep. It was hard but it didn't take long and he started to wake less at night as a result. Good luck, I hope you get more sleep!

If controlled crying isn't for you then I've heard good things about a book by Sarah Ockwell Smith x

Look up Baby Tech Support - online / phone support sleep consultant who transformed my toddler's sleep in a week.

Controlled crying worked for us too.
You need to be resolute though, it feels wrong leaving DC crying. It won't work unless you are strict about it, even at 2am.
We were lucky, DD got the message quite quickly but be prepared to stick at it for a couple of weeks.

Have you ever thought of a medical reason for the no sleep? I only say this because my dd was very similar and I had a million suggestions about sleep training which I would try with no success.
She turned out to have silent reflux. This is basically acid reflux. Drinking milk would soothe the pain so she also fed for hours. The trouble is it would also cause the pain so she'd frequently wake and want to feed to soothe it again.
My lovely doctor finally listened at about 3 and a half months of terrible sleep and put her on medication for reflux. (Gaviscon, which I had to spoon into her when breastfeeding, and rantidine). Initially it was like a miracle. The first night she slept for 5 hours! After waking every 20 to 40 mins day and night. Eventually the doctor took her off the gaviscon and it went to pieces again but never like it was before. She grew out of it eventually.
She did have other symptoms though (coughing/arching her back). I've also heard lactose intolerance can cause sleep problems too.
Might be worth investigating. I never did cc, although a few people recommended it, including my hv who told me I was causing her pain by overfeeding her and that I should leave her to cry.
I think cc works for people but after my experience I would want to rule out pain as a cause for the non sleeping first.