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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want guests to remove their shoes when walking through my house?

609 replies

MummyLizH · 13/12/2016 19:47

Not sure if I'm particularly bothered by this because it's mainly the in-laws who do it, but most people know I expect shoes off as you walk through the front door.

I've mentioned it to dh a few times, I think he thinks I'm just picking at his parents behaviour, but it makes my blood boil... I clean and hoover my home, invite you round and you tread your dirty shoes all over the floor which me and my kids sit and play on (and my little girl crawls around on) Angry. My parents have the decency to bring their slippers!

OP posts:
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8
BdumBdummer · 15/12/2016 18:52

An in law of mine used to complain when my sis insisted on it and was chilled out, as I am, about the whole thing. I went to her new house and it was like Checkpoint Charlie. We all huddled at the front door while taking off our shoes at her orders. Her kids had merryily tramped all over mine. So yeah, it did feel rude on her part, and unwelcoming. I couldn't even take a seat a few steps in to remove my shoes.

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 18:56

"Crumbs1

Can't live much more rurally than we do. More sheep than cars. The problem is more white or cream carpets - can't imagine anyone choosing them. Maybe a straw coloured carpet upstairs but downstairs?. Most people I know have ancient parquet or oak boards with a Turkish rug or similar. White carpets would be laughed at in the same way one sniggers (unkindly perhaps) at people who say serviette, patio or lounge. In same way we think of Daily Mail readers. Sorry that's just how it is. We take Hunters off at back door, remove riding boots in boot room but shoes inside are fine. We do go bare foot/stockinged footed for comfort but not for hygiene reasons."
Smile
A voice of reason. I totally concur.

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 18:58

"GravyAndShite

You can buy disposable coverings for shoes, they use them in hospitals just buy a box of those and ask people to put them on over their shoes, that way no one can be offended.

This wouldn't offend me. I'd take a mental note that the asker was batshit but it wouldn't offend me."

Indeed!!

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 19:01

Try scoring out the word "decency"?

"treaclesoda

It is common decency to take your shoes off when you go to someone's house unless they have hard floors, in which case keeping shoes on is less of an issue.

How is it common decency though when so many people find it very rude for a visitor to remove their shoes? confused

I just don't get this at all."

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 19:02

A sign by the door?! Whatever next?

Kc1009 · 15/12/2016 19:04

I'm sorry I'm slightly ocd with cleaning of my house. I'm not ocd but I take pride in a clean house. If people come in my house I expect them to take their shoes off. I'm inviting them into my house they should respect how I live. I would certainly expect to do the same at theirs

1horatio · 15/12/2016 19:09

I luckily don't have to clean my house.

Doesn't really have an impact on my opinion whether shoes have to be taken off or not, I think.

pollymere · 15/12/2016 19:11

I always ask people if they would like me to take mine off. If you have pale carpets or crawlers, it makes sense. Culturally my dh takes his off even at home where we have wooden floors. I'm not so careful about my own floors!

Bunnyfuller · 15/12/2016 19:14

To some cultures wearing outside shoes inside is very dirty bearing in mind what you walk on. My parents said I was being pfb when we asked them to not wear their outdoor shoes inside. They didn't respect my DHs cultural preferences (and no, it's not just Muslims) but we explained that it wasn't exactly nice with a crawling baby who explored her world by putting everything (including those crawling hands) in her mouth.

It might seem 'suburban' to some English. In many overseas countries wearing your shoes indoors is very disrespectful not to say unhygienic

BdumBdummer · 15/12/2016 19:16

All getting a bit Viz Comics with the handy hints and shoe covers. It's nice if visitors offer to take their shoes off - obviously, muddy wellies don't get brought in. But I don't insist- there's something makes you a bit vulnerable taking your shoes off. If they don't offer, I don't insist. And I used to live in a shoes off culture where the point in doing so was utterly sensible and reasonable - snowy, slushy outside; little access to vacuum cleaners etc.

LostSight · 15/12/2016 19:20

Move to Norway. Everyone removes their shoes at the door.

You also get to indulge in excessive candle use and will almost certainly have a wood stove. What's not to like?

GravyAndShite · 15/12/2016 19:21

I'm sorry I'm slightly ocd with cleaning of my house. I'm not ocd but I take pride in a clean house.

Again with the belittling of genuinely debilitating conditions! You wouldn't say I've a bit of throat cancer, well not cancer but my throat hurts like fuck.

So insensitive.

IDontLookMyAge76 · 15/12/2016 19:23

Why does wanting shoes off in the house suddenly equate to being an insensitive sh**? Can't imagine anyone would tip someone out of thier chair n make them commando crawl to the living room or throw a tantrum at a walking stick.

I take my shoes off cause it's how I've been brought up culturally but that doesn't mean I'm insensitive to ppl's needs, esp since it seems there's loads of us on here who do practice it as part of culture rather than an aversion to dirt.

Also, I wouldn't go round to someone I didn't knows house, even if my kid wanted to go there but I'm lucky in that I live in the city so I can arrange play dates outside first to gauge whether it's safe to go round to thier house or not but that's just me.

I work as a HCP and we took shoes off in houses where it was obvs that was the norm, even if we were just in the downstairs and sometimes I'd just do it automatically anyways. When I was a student, my mentor realised and would forewarn me before going into a house if it was safer/more hygienic to keep shoes on but generally she just let me get on with it.

1horatio · 15/12/2016 19:23

True, having OCD is no laughing matter. And it's very often not (just) about cleaning....

NameChangeGhosty · 15/12/2016 19:25

Gravy I think you're looking into that too much.

I take no offence at all when someone calls someone acting looney 'a bit schizo'

Schizophrenic for 10 years, diagnosed for 8. Schizophrenics can be very odd indeed during a bad phase Grin

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 19:25

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Oxfordblue · 15/12/2016 19:25

How can it be common?! And 'suburban'?! grin]

Have you shoe keeper on-ers any idea how filthy the soles of your shoes are?!

My in-laws would walk through my house with their shoes on & ironically it was expected we take ours off visiting their. They bring their slippers round now. (Oh golly, slippers, how frightful!)

Natsku · 15/12/2016 19:26

Ah love these threads Grin

Nobody gets to wear shoes indoors at my house (except in the basement as its concrete floors down there and sawdust and insulation everywhere), I can't think of a single person who has. Of course I live in a country where its taught from childhood to take your outside shoes off when going inside so I never have to ask anyone, they all do it automatically. Its a cultural thing.

In the early autumn I was working in a charity shop and a group of (I think) Thai men were visiting the charity, and when they came into the shop they all took their shoes (well, flip flops) off outside before coming in!

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 19:27

No one has an issue with people removing shoes for cultural reasons and no one is implying there is an OCD issue.

GravyAndShite · 15/12/2016 19:27

NameChangeGhosty I'm genuinely pleased for you that you can get past that, however surely you don't believe you speak for all diagnosed schizophrenics just because you happen to have it?

PorcupineNecktie · 15/12/2016 19:41

I always remove my shoes when I go into someone's house, because my mother instilled it in me ;) and I think it's a polite and respectful thing to do, i.e. "I am aware that my shoes might have dirt on them, and I am trying to save you from having to clean it up."

I don't ask people to remove their shoes when they enter my house because I hate making a fuss, but if they do it automatically I do notice and appreciate it!

treaclesoda · 15/12/2016 19:47

My mother instilled in me that it was really rude to take my shoes off. Grin

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/12/2016 19:50

I found the reference to taking off Hunters at the back door very amusing. As if Hunters are still a sign of good taste!

Tls106 · 15/12/2016 19:53

Your house, your rules.

I also insist everyone takes their shoes off. But then the local cats like to use our driveway as a toilet (don't get me started!) and before the no shoes rule I spent many a day clearing cat shit off the carpets where my children play and where my babies like to crawl. So as annoying or rude people may find it, its shoes off or leave round at my house. Xmas Shock