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Original poster

To want guests to remove their shoes when walking through my house?

609 replies

MummyLizH · 13/12/2016 19:47

Not sure if I'm particularly bothered by this because it's mainly the in-laws who do it, but most people know I expect shoes off as you walk through the front door.

I've mentioned it to dh a few times, I think he thinks I'm just picking at his parents behaviour, but it makes my blood boil... I clean and hoover my home, invite you round and you tread your dirty shoes all over the floor which me and my kids sit and play on (and my little girl crawls around on) Angry. My parents have the decency to bring their slippers!

OP posts:
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treaclesoda · 19/12/2016 16:56

Because I love these threads so much, I did some observation over the weekend.

I attended two parties in people's houses. The first was in a modern new build home, spotless in every way. The second was in an ancient cottage, so very different styles of house. I was one of the first to arrive both times (close friends with the host). So I sat back and observed. In both houses, not one single guest offered to remove their shoes, and the hosts were wearing shoes throughout. One guest out of many took her shoes off without discussion, and she was Italian.

So, I'm concluding that it's not 'a thing' where I live. Based on one weekend of informal observation Grin

1horatio · 19/12/2016 17:31

treacle

But that's for a party.

For our New Year's Eve part people can keep their shoes as well. Just like guests from work. We will also wear shoes ;)

Unless they want to go upstairs, but that has never happened. Plus, that's where the bedrooms etc are, that's just private...

CaraAspen · 19/12/2016 17:36

Oh so it's acceptable to keep one's pretty party shoes on, then? Are you quite quite sure?? I could swear some of you were advocating their removal even for parties.

Barking.

1horatio · 19/12/2016 17:50

some of you

I'm sure that some do, yes.

But it's not like we're this unified block, all rallying for a total ban of shoes inside all house 😂😂

I've clearly stated that people are allowed to wear their shoes downstairs.
Seeing as all parties (at our house) take part in the lower parts of the house the shoes aren't an issue.
It's the same for work related guests. They don't need to go upstairs to the family- and bedrooms, do they?
That's just for close friends and family.

1horatio · 19/12/2016 17:54

But I'm from a shoes-off country, and this was the compromise DH and I agreed on. With lists of pro&cons and personalised and rewash-able slippers and everything.

Which may be a bit crazy, but it works for us :)!

CaraAspen · 19/12/2016 18:08

Big sigh

1horatio · 19/12/2016 18:09

😉

Middleoftheroad · 19/12/2016 19:15

My guests do go upstairs though, as there is no downstairs toilet.

But I still let them wear their shoes Grin

1horatio · 19/12/2016 19:27

That's would be a real conundrum ;)

Well, we made our system considering the layout. But in this case I think I'd be ok with shoes on upstairs in the case of a party.

The stairs could be cleaned the next day, after a party the lower parts would need to be cleaned anyway.

But if it wasn't a party I'd probably give the guests rewashable slippers to use the upstairs bathroom.

It's just private upstairs. Not a place for shoes...

Natsku · 19/12/2016 19:41

My parties are not fancy (no dressing up with shoes to match the outfit or whatever it is) so shoes are off for parties too. The last proper party I went to had the same rule, people were in and out of the house all night to smoke but they just put shoes on to go out and took them back off when they came back in.

MistresssIggi · 19/12/2016 19:45

I wear shoes to match my outfit to go to work, go to the supermarket etc. They are not just for fancy parties!
The stairs could be cleaned the next day, after a party the lower parts would need to be cleaned anyway the lower parts? The mind boggles!

treaclesoda · 19/12/2016 19:55

When I referred to parties I probably should have been more realistic in my description. They were informal, most of the guests were wearing jeans and trainers or jeans and boots. I used the term 'party' more to signify that there were a large group of people from different backgrounds in the houses. Smile

Natsku · 19/12/2016 20:20

Those kinds of parties would be definitely shoes off here treacle

1horatio · 19/12/2016 20:24

Mistress

The lower parts of the house,

Not the lower part of the stairs.

If people were to go to the upper part whilst wearing their shoes the whole staircase would obviously need to be cleaned. Sorry! That probably sounded weird. English... sigh 🙈

Dazydazy · 21/12/2016 17:24

So when the OH brought the stragglers from the Xmas party back to ours, our floor took yet another battering. I was expecting to get as far as the New Year bash before getting to the why worry anymore stage. I probably ought to be grateful - but I managed to hide it. Reasonable in the extreme. The whole debate round ours is already pretty much all but over.

purplefizz26 · 21/12/2016 17:34

Someone walking dirty outdoor shoes onto a clean carpet is disrespectful, rude and is actually damaging someone's property if mud is stomped all over.

Anyone who doesn't remove their shoes on a carpeted floor, or doesn't at least offer, is an idiot Smile

MotherofPearl · 21/12/2016 18:10

I agree Purple. Even if it's a washable floor, it's disrespectful of the person who has to clean the floor.

Today my PILs came round and walked mud all over my clean floors downstairs (just cleaned!). I have a 7 month old baby and 2 other DCs, and really don't have the time to clean the floors again. I've asked them to take their shoes off before, but they never seem to do it. I do feel it's not respectful of my house or my time.

treaclesoda · 21/12/2016 19:57

I keep asking this and no one has answered.

The blanket statement that it's disrespectful not to take your shoes off completely ignores the fact that some people think it's disrespectful if you do take them off. When I was growing up it was drummed into me by my parents that I wasn't to dare take my shoes off in someone else's house because that would be so disrespectful and rude.

How do you decide that your manners trump someone else's?

Natsku · 21/12/2016 20:04

When its your house your manners trump others treacle surely that's pretty obvious? Your parents told you that you can't take your shoes off in someone's house because its disrespectful and rude so surely someone asking you to take your shoes off would just show you that your parents weren't right about everyone?

treaclesoda · 21/12/2016 20:07

I have no objection to taking my shoes off in someone else's house (although I've never been in a shoes off house) What I meant was what happens if someone theoretically comes to my parents house? So many people are adamant that it's non negotiable, that it's scummy to keep them on. I just wondered why they are so adamant that it's 'manners' when to some people it's the opposite.

Natsku · 21/12/2016 20:14

If someone went to your parents' house and insisted on taking their shoes off when your parents asked them not to then they would be rude, that's for sure. If someone tells me to keep my shoes on I keep them on no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel (happened today actually).

BITCAT · 21/12/2016 20:19

This was always the case in my house growing up. It's called respect for someone's home. Carpets are not cheap and it's not very nice to dirty someone's carpet..it's not much to ask to remove shoes.
People know that's what happens in our house..especially during winter and wet weather otherwise we end up with mud all over our carpets. You follow someone's rules when at their house..it's just respect.

Catlady1976 · 21/12/2016 20:34

I always take shoes off or at least offer. It's polite. However I do find it inhospitable when you visit relatives and the 1St words they say is shoes off when they should know we would do it without asking.

BITCAT · 21/12/2016 20:50

I never say as soon as I open the door relatives instinctively do now anyway. It's usually my own kids I have to nag at.

Dazydazy · 21/12/2016 21:18

Stirs so many emotions. My OH's ex used to be incredibly adept at leaving trainer prints all round the ground floor, in our laminate phase. I didn't care about the trainers staying on, I just thought wiping them might have been an option. I'd resent the cleaning, afterwards. But maybe that was an anti-Ex issue as much as anything.

I also hated it recently when we were proudly shown into a part of a huge house which was carpeted, where the rest of the house was not, in spotless bright white. I offered to take the shoes off, and for once I really would have preferred to, and was told not to. I could see them wince with every step.

I went to another place where they wanted me to wear slippers which other people had worn. Didn't like that much. It can go either way, the irritation, sometimes.

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