Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want guests to remove their shoes when walking through my house?

609 replies

MummyLizH · 13/12/2016 19:47

Not sure if I'm particularly bothered by this because it's mainly the in-laws who do it, but most people know I expect shoes off as you walk through the front door.

I've mentioned it to dh a few times, I think he thinks I'm just picking at his parents behaviour, but it makes my blood boil... I clean and hoover my home, invite you round and you tread your dirty shoes all over the floor which me and my kids sit and play on (and my little girl crawls around on) Angry. My parents have the decency to bring their slippers!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 11:14
Hmm
CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 11:15

"ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO"

Agreed!

Unwrapped · 15/12/2016 11:16

'Why does the price of the carpet have anything to do with it? It's only expensive if you couldn't afford it.
Don't penalise your guests for your own or budgeting and interior design'

I expect guests to respect my soft furnishings. That means not walking on my rugs or oakwood floors with outdoor shoes. Some are woven silk so shoes cause wear and tear. Stilettos dent the wood. Our rugs and Icelandic sheepskins feel lovely underfoot, but they're not designed to be walked on with shoes. Anyone who doesn't respect my home wouldn't be welcome again as it shows a lack of respect for me.

Would you dine at someone's table without washing your hands? Keep your coat on at a dinner party because you feel awkward without it? Be careless with coffee/red wine because a few stains don't matter and the host should value your company over their carpets?

My house isn't matchy matchy or pristine, but it's clean and cosy. Shoes are left in the hall. Guests are offered slippers or bring their own. In 10years of hosting large parties I've never had anyone decline to remove their shoes. Why are outdoor shoes an 'essential' part of an outfit in a friend's home? It's not like you're in public and need to impress. I can't get my head around it.

As for tradesmen, IME they always wear shoe covers when asked.

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 11:19

Yes to those making the point that if your host answers the door and is not wearing "shoes", then that is not a signal to you to start taking your shoes off!!! Lollol

Does this really need to be established?

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 11:23

Unwrapped:

"Why are outdoor shoes an 'essential' part of an outfit in a friend's home? It's not like you're in public and need to impress. I can't get my head around it."

Can you try to get your head around the idea of asking party guests to remove party type shoes, in that case? I certainly wouldn't class them as "outdoor shoes" in any version of reality.

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 11:26

I live in a Grade 2 listed property, by the way, which is on three levels, and my rugs and floors are beautiful too! So what's this Icelandic rugs reference about!? Lol

LeadPipe · 15/12/2016 11:38

Cara you really aren't coming across well here.

Unwrapped · 15/12/2016 11:51

Can you try to get your head around the idea of asking party guests to remove party type shoes, in that case? I certainly wouldn't class them as "outdoor shoes" in any version of reality

Party type shoes are usually heels/stilettoes. I wear mine to parties in public places, to bars, to and from an event. I wouldn't wear them in someone's home unless it was a 'shoes on' household. I do have a pair of gold ballet flats i sometimes slip into my handbag and put on for parties, I've only ever worn them indoors so they're clean. The soles are leather so won't damage rugs or mark floors.

I appreciate different cultures and households do things differently. I'm happy to keep shoes on if that's what the host prefers.

Shoes are part of my outfit yes, so is my coat and handbag, my hat and gloves. IME it's the norm to remove all these in the hallway of someone's home. My tights/stockings/socks match my outfit... just as my dress matches once my coat is removed!

GravyAndShite · 15/12/2016 12:02

Kmxxx14

Didn't tell you to do anything, I asked even said please. I'm fully aware that you can do whatever you like.

Why on earth did you save for the most expensive carpet in the shop if you know you have true diagnosed anxiety around cleanliness? Do you realise you kind of paid a premium to feel more anxious?

You could've bought some of that carpet that they use in schools that is easy clean. Then you wouldn't have to feel anxious about it.

PrivatePike · 15/12/2016 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VoodooPeople · 15/12/2016 12:23

Only read the first page as I'd lose the will to live after 13 pages of basically 'yes' or 'no'

We don't expect people to remove shoes unless they are clearly wet or dirty.

If I'm visiting a household for the first time (usually work-related) I always ask if they would like me to remove my shoes. Generally people say not to bother but a few have said "yes please" (sometimes for cultural reasons). No skin off my nose but a bit embarrassing when I'm wearing odd socks, which is most days if I'm honest Blush

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 12:56

"PrivatePike

"Barefooted. HTH"

This made me laugh too much grin

I love shoes off/on threads, they're amazing!"

Hey! You are laughing at my blip!!! I have already said a mea culpa for that one! But yes, the thread is comedy gold.

IDontLookMyAge76 · 15/12/2016 13:17

MrsDustyBusty think I just spotted another cultural difference that I didn't realise: ppl go round to other ppl's houses that they don't know very well?!! What?!! without someone who'll vouch for them? No wonder you don't want to take your shoes off.

Like I get there are different levels of friendships but new or arms length friendships are strictly outside the house meets, why would you go to someone's house if you don't know/trust them (enough to take your shoes off?)

1horatio · 15/12/2016 13:21

This is so interesting.

English/British culture is fascinating.

Coming from a strict shoes off culture I thought I was super tolerant to let people be downstairs with their shoes. Ooops ;)!

But I'm a bit surprised by the people saying feet are unhygienic... I mean, don't you clean your feet? I don't think I've ever seen a 'slimy' foot (as somebdoy above has mentioned it).

And if you have some foot health issues, aren't you likely to wear socks anyway?

1horatio · 15/12/2016 13:23

age76

True. Unless it's business related (and yes, these people will stay downstairs. And that happens only very seldom anyway. Luckily)... why would I let somebody I don't trust in our house? And even more importantly, why go to their house?

treaclesoda · 15/12/2016 13:48

How long do you have to know someone before you trust them to come into your house? When your children were small did they never ask to have a friend over when they needed the parent to stay as well?

Maybe it depends on where you live but I live in a small village. When I was making friends here I pretty much had to accept invitations to people's houses when I didn't know them well because it was either that or our meet up would involve standing in the street because there is no coffee shop or restaurant to go to. And even if there was, my budget doesn't stretch to going 'out' every time I fancy some company.

BdumBdummer · 15/12/2016 13:51

Offer washable slippers or , y'know , don't be so precious.

1horatio · 15/12/2016 13:56

trea

DD is too young to ask these questions. We live in London.

Well, I was never allowed to go to somebody's house if my parents didn't know the parents or at least give them a call and have a chat. Also to ask whether I wouldn't be an inconvenience. Isn't that normal in the Uk?

How long? Idk. I mean, upstairs are just bedrooms, the nursery and what is maybe called a family room in English and where DH writes (used to be downstairs, now he relocated to be next to the nursery)
So, to be invited upstairs we'd have to be really close. I wouldn't want to give a time frame. We might work with each other for 5 years but never be friends, just colleagues, right?

1horatio · 15/12/2016 13:57

bummer

We do offer washable slippers :)

treaclesoda · 15/12/2016 14:18

1horatio that's what I meant. Or at least I think we're saying the same thing? As in, if a child is invited to another child's house and the parents don't know each other, then it's normal for the parent to have to go too. So in that situation I would have a guest in my house who is a stranger to me.

Or have I misunderstood and you mean that you wouldn't allow your child to visit at all unless you were already close friends with the parents?

Gene9 · 15/12/2016 14:25

Please someone tell me HOW asking a guest to remove their shoes (and offering washable slippers) is unwelcoming?

Why would you want all the nasty and teaming bacteria from someone's shoe on your flooring? No one can be that visual about what we step on outside! Surely it's odd to walk around a house with shoes on?

1horatio · 15/12/2016 14:26

Nope, a misunderstanding, I think. Oops.

Well, if I didn't trust the parents there's no way I'd let DD go alone? (Well, DD can't walk yet, she couldn't go anyway, but... anyhow).

No, if I didn't know the parents I'd go too (well, DH is the SATP, so... he would, most likely). If we knew each other a bit (work, parenting group, parent evening) I guess I'd be ok with a phone call and dropping DD off.

But tbh, that's not really an issue yet. So, who knows how exactly DH and I will handle this?

But for shoes discussion. As far as I know children often take their shoes off anyway....

And I just meant that I don't see the point of going to somebody's home for my own 'pleasure' if I don't really like and know them.

treaclesoda · 15/12/2016 14:40

Ah fair enough.

Was just thinking of one scenario where it's pretty normal to have a 'stranger' in your home. Smile

1horatio · 15/12/2016 14:45

trea

No, sure, that makes sense :)

I had people in our home for work.

And they wouldn't get upstairs anyway. So, yeah. No shoe issues ;)
I certainly also wore shoes. Anything else would be unprofessional, I think.

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 14:56

I should jolly well hope no one would ask or expect someone coming to a house for a work / professional reason to remove their footwear. That's taking things too far.