Dick moves your pets have made

[MyPuppyIsADick]

I know I'm probably BU to start a thread inspired by HardLightHologram's thread but it's too well timed not to.

Last night my 9 month old pup busted out of the bedroom in the middle of the night and went on a rampage. Woke up at 6am to find a hole in one of the couch cushions, a cushion that was a wedding gift with all the stuffing torn out it, chewed woodwork at the top of the stairs and THREE(!) shits dotted about the place. Including one on the new hall carpet. And she ate a sponge that was left out in the bathroom

She's fine by the way, I was worried she'd eaten foam but she seems to have just trailed it around the whole fucking upstairs.

Fast forward 14 hours and I'm just about over it. Does anyone else have any stories of their pets being dicks to make me feel better about my own shit literally morning?

My cat went out and stole someone's Sunday lunch. A whole leg of lamb. Sat in my garden and shared it with my other cat. Also killed a pigeon, leaving it on my front door mat. And several birds left flying around my front room.
Fucker.

Questioning you have to admire his generosity in sharing it with his friend

My cat likes to get to know steal from the neighbours. So far he's wandered through the cat flap with a massive fillet of fresh salmon, a raw chicken breast and unopened cat food sachets. Didn't even bloody eat them either. Dick.

Also remembered that my housemate once batch cooked a full wok of chilli, ate a portion and left the rest to cool. Found dick cat sat in empty wok an hour or so later. He was spherical.

To his great joy, our dick cat has discovered he is long enough to sit his forepaws on the baby's high chair and nick her food.To his credit, she has never been scratched, but there was a tug of war over the garlic bread tonight.

I have shut him in the hallway before, only to have the handle turn and a fluffy head reappear...

Dick cat also enjoys taking baubles off the tree to chase. I am not going to have any left by Christmas, but it's fascinating to watch his paws grasp the ornament and unhook it. He is an adolescent Maine coon, so they really are massive.

Our dick cat jumped on DH's baldie head.

YelloDraw, thankyou! It's very interesting, and can be very rewarding, but it can be absolutely heartbreaking, too. But when you've been caring for a bat for weeks, watching it gradually heal and improve, and eventually you're able to take it back to where it came from and watch it fly off - there's nothing like it.

Incidentally, the day I extracted vacuum bat from her impromptu home, she landed on my slipper and scuttled up the inside of my jeans leg...She's got character, that one!

My furry little bastard boy has twice bust his way in to a sealed box of cat food pouches and sneaked his prize up onto my bed for devouring. Imagine my delight at bedtime when I discovered.

My dearly loved and sadly departed cat Rupert used to sneak into neighbours' houses to snuggle down. Elderly neighbour once woke from a nap to find Rupert curled up asleep on his lap.

When in labour at home beautiful girl cat was most concerned about the noises I was making so leapt up onto the bed next to me,squatted and pissed all over the mattress.

Pics are of cat food covered bed, furry bastard boy and beautiful girl cat.

at
the
hamster

One year my dog managed to get her paws on all 3 chocolate advent calendars. One was on a chest of drawers, she must have jumped onto it from the bed. Another was on the dinner table, and another on the kitchen work top behind a closed stair gate. We came home to find cardboard and tin foil everywhere, and a limping dog. She's a cavalier King Charles, and a foot tall so she must be part ninja. It cost a fortune at the vet.

What I came home to one day after work... They had completely destroyed a bed, chewed the table, cabinets, loads of things :(

Scottie dog ate dhs wallet. It was leather so guess it tasted good.
He had to replace most of his cards bit refused to pay to replace his driving licence. If he needs it for ID etc he is forced to apologise for the teeth marks

Aside from the normal Dickish cats moves of mouse/bird catching.

My cat everyday without fail meows constantly with increasing volume from 5.30/6am until he is fed. If he is ignored long enough then he claws our new expensive carpet, which usually gets a response and then resumes loud incessant meowing! Often waking everyone in the house 😠

(Must remember to lock him in kitchen)

Just because YetAnotherSpartacus was unhappy with the level of catpics provided...

The Zebra!cats mostly sleep cuddled up. They get upset if they wake up & don't know where their brother is during the night. I get included in the overnight snugglebundle & am of course greatly touched by this honour and in no way worried about feline induced DVT so magnanimously bestowed upon me.

Black!cat most likes to snuggle on my lap; blond!cat provides more of the Stealth Cat Is Stealthing photos. They will both hold the tube of toothpaste/antihairball-stuff/multivitamin with their forepaws & it is adorable. (My cats think these things are A Delicious Treat. They do also get Actual Treats, but rarely. And I get them things like freeze-dried chicken. I know. They like [mostly!vegan] human junk food when they can get their grubby little paws on it though....)

And yes, blond!cat likes me to rub his tummy. It is the softest & floofiest fur in the universe & because he refuses to be told how to cat (destroying the pawtriarchy one myth at a time - "can't taste sweet things? excuse me while I hunt out & demolish human foods whose only common factor is sweetness" oh & they are men enough to sleep on a frilly pink cushion that's on the top of my wardrobe, black!cat has a pink bowl & their small litter tray is pink...) blond!cat likes tummy rubs. Only from me, mind you. That floofy tummy is off-limits to everyone else. He will hug my hand to his tummy if he feels that I might be going to stop fussing him, even.

My cats just know their own minds. They did decide when still kittens that they are Indoor Cats, thank you very much but Outdoors Is Clearly A Hellscape Why Would You Ever Venture Into It?!

ZebraOwl ZOMG they're SPOONING!!! How utterly adorable. I bet they are little angels really :)

Zebra - my heart just melted. Gorgeous kitties.

My dog was a dick today and not in a funny way.

Refused to go out this morning, reluctantly spent a minute in the garden. I went out for an hour, came home, and he'd shat all over his pen, floor, and bedding. Vom.

Threw the bedding away and bought some more so the little sod has actually got a treat out of it

My dog chewed the insoles of my shoes last night (my fault for leaving them where she could get them, we have been here before) and puked it back up in three lots. I changed the throw on the sofa each bloody time.

Eventually banned her from the sofa.

Did consider vet but she hasn't puked for 4 hours now and has had her usual bark fest at the binmen so I think she's fine.

Oh and her and her "sister" came downstairs as pups one carrying a tampon and applicator each (unused!!)

Had a friend round, we were 😂

My cat was on DH's lap. DH was holding a doughnut and was telling everybody a really involved story. As he was telling the story, the cat was eating the doughnut and nobody noticed until about most of it was gone.

Much as I love DH, it was hilarious!

My dm had two of the most delinquent labradors you've ever met. Whilst she was upstairs ironing on a sunny day, the dogs went out into the garden (patio doors open) & tore up the whole newly turfed lawn & dragged it all around the downstairs. The mess was incredible. They also ate the rubbery seal of her Miele washing machine 3 times! V v £££ repair. And they actually tore to pieces the brass doorstep. Never mind the annihilated table legs etc. Then one of them developed an allergy to house dust mites and all the carpets had to be replaced with wood. In the end we found out their pedigrees were fake & they were puppy-farm dogs. Cost her a 2nd mortgage in vets bills

A friend went downstairs on Sunday morning in her nightie and bare feet, screamed like a banshee, she had trodden on a massive earthworm her bastardly cat had dragged in as a gift.

Ddog ate a candle, and pooped out a poop shaped candle complete with string.

When my dog was a pup, he was being really quiet, which alerted to me to something untoward happening. I could see him underneath the breakfast bar chewing on something with his little back to me. I turned him around and his mouth, teeth, face, chest and paws were completely blue! He'd been chewing a tube of cobalt blue oil paint It was quite traumatic (for me) as he's a hairy little fucker. Took a lot of cleaning.

I had a Siamese cat who shit in my handbag - twice.

She made it to almost 19 despite all this.

The doughnut story reminded me of when Little M was a kitten, and I had some friends round for a bbq. Suddenly we realised he was missing (he was very involved in the whole process). We found him in a corner of the garden quietly munching on a packet of raw sausages that he'd liberated.

Also, he's very spry, and will leap onto your shoulder to ride about, using his claws for grip. Ouchee.