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Original poster

Dick moves your pets have made

303 replies

MyPuppyIsADick · 12/12/2016 21:35

I know I'm probably BU to start a thread inspired by HardLightHologram's thread but it's too well timed not to.

Last night my 9 month old pup busted out of the bedroom in the middle of the night and went on a rampage. Woke up at 6am to find a hole in one of the couch cushions, a cushion that was a wedding gift with all the stuffing torn out it, chewed woodwork at the top of the stairs and THREE(!) shits dotted about the place. Including one on the new hall carpet. And she ate a sponge that was left out in the bathroom Hmm

She's fine by the way, I was worried she'd eaten foam but she seems to have just trailed it around the whole fucking upstairs.

Fast forward 14 hours and I'm just about over it. Does anyone else have any stories of their pets being dicks to make me feel better about my own shit literally morning?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
34
DownInFraggleRock · 13/12/2016 14:20

Our dog was scrambling about in the bushes of the local park, found a used condom and brought it back to show us... and then swallowed it! Most embarrassing trip to the vet ever!

TiredMumToTwo · 13/12/2016 14:24

My now grown up beautifully behaved lab went through a real dick phase - few years ago came home to this which started off as a box of coke cans!!

frauleinsallybowles · 13/12/2016 14:31

i am in tears laughing at all these espessially the pics that are included with some they are looking so innocent

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/12/2016 14:33

Pow ShockShockGrin

MrsMattBomer · 13/12/2016 14:55

Our dogs got stoned on catnip once. As did the cats. It was really weird seeing all 8 of them (4 dogs, 4 cats) just rolling around with glazed over eyes and moving their paws around in front of them reaching for imaginary objects. Funny though.

7SunshineSeven7 · 13/12/2016 15:08

Mine got hold of an open pack of winegums, chewed them and spat them back out on the carpet. Because they were all wet and sticky they all got stuck and ruined it Angry Arseholes.

piglover · 13/12/2016 15:09

My dearly beloved, now deceased cat Arthur had gut troubles for much of his life and got stuck in our bedroom without a litter box a couple of times. Once he managed to climb up into the wastepaper basket but the second time, he spied my partner's wool basket...Truly disgusting but sort of intelligent that he tried to find something that at least resembled a litter box.

MrsUnderwood · 13/12/2016 15:09

Mine stole my KFC from off my plate one night. I looked up at the telly for a split second and when I looked back it was gone and so was the bastard cat. I had to fight him to get my dinner back.

The other cat left a dead mouse under the Jumperoo. What a shower of arseholes.

tornandhurt · 13/12/2016 15:10

Goodness I have lots of these, but a few...........

1 pup that jumped from the sofa to a kitchen worktop (openplan) opened the bread bin and demolished an entire loaf, 12 crumpets and a packet of digestives. Not content with that he chewed DH's entire James Bond box set, then ate the lino in the kitchen floor.........when that had been chewed he started on the concrete floor (all in the space of about an hour while I was at parents evening!!!!)

Currently have 2 XL dogs who I adore, but since having them, they've eaten all the cooker knobs (so I had no idea what temperature anything was at), skirting boards, an oak kitchen table and 8 sky remotes. This I put down to the puppy phase. The real shit was when they started opening doors in the night!!! - They're around 14stone with massive muddy paws!!! Once they let themselves into the living room, removed all the seat cushions and I found them curled up on top of them in the garden the following morning in the rain! - I had to change the door handle to a round one to stop them escaping!!! The mad thing is that the kids can leave the door to the playroom wide open with all their shit everywhere and neither dog will touch a thing.

As for the cat, she is out all day and in at night so rarely uses a litter tray......however, about a year ago, thought she'd experiment with crapping in the shower!! - that was interesting when DH got up for his 2am start in the dark so as not to wake anyone!!!!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/12/2016 15:12

Oh I love how hammered they get on cat nip Grin

Honeybadger01 · 13/12/2016 15:13

My rabbits are dicks. One of them has eaten the Christmas lights on the tree, so they no longer light up, despite there being a cage (well Guinea pig run) around the base of the tree to protect tree and presents. He also likes to eat clothes.

He chewed through my cardigan last week while I was eating dinner, this is the second one he had done that to.

This morning I came downstairs to find the two rabbits had been playing take all the cushions off the sofa and had chewed a hole in one of them,

They steal tea towels and make holes in them and one of them chewed a hole in their fleece blanket overnight and got his head stuck in it so he was wearing it like a poncho.

A couple of weeks ago my husband found the rabbit playing with a pair of my knickers on the sofa, which he had stolen from the dirty washing basket, dirty fucker!

Our old rabbit ate through the zip on my nice leather knee high boots. I've also had handbags eaten.

We also have dick hamsters who have destroyed the underneath of the sofa and eaten the carpet.

The Guinea pig pees on me and has occasional compaction so I have to help push poop out of his bum.

Oh, and the rabbits have developed a habit of moving the litter tray and the mat under it specifically so that they can wee and poo on the floor if it hasn't been cleaned out to their liking in the last 36 hours. Ratbags.

I dread to think what terrors our menagerie will think of next, but we love them to bits!

Dick moves your pets have made
Dick moves your pets have made
Dick moves your pets have made
MrsMattBomer · 13/12/2016 15:18

Our doggos are quite good most of the time, although they do have a tendency to run into things because they get so excited and energetic (being huskies) that they lose all sight of their surroundings. I've seen them crash head-first into lampposts, parked cars, canals, people, bicycles, doors etc.

Lovely doggos, just a bit mental.

HermioneJeanGranger · 13/12/2016 15:22

This is the "innocent" kitten!

Dick moves your pets have made
HermioneJeanGranger · 13/12/2016 15:24

"I didn't chew the cables!"

Dick moves your pets have made
TheDogsMother · 13/12/2016 15:29

WhooooAmI24601, I'm snorting with laughter here ! I have a Jack Russell who does dickish things pretty much daily so the list is endless.

BlurryFace · 13/12/2016 15:30

DDog is generally pretty good, but likes to try and start on every delivery man/plumber who dares darken our door (just running up and barking) which they all find hilarious as she is a chihuahua. Occasionally she tries to go off with random people who've stopped and said hello to her on a walk, loyal my arse.

Budgiebonbon · 13/12/2016 15:40

Yesterday my Fathers Dick Dog managed to retrieve 2 used tea bags out of the bin and shred the contents all over the carpet. A little can go a very long way!

mylaptopismylapdog · 13/12/2016 15:46

My lab cross refuses to walk past grilles in pavement? Ate a whole bunch of grapes leaving just the stalks and had very lucky escape as they are poisonous to dogs. Has also eaten whole packet of butter leaving well licked wrapper. Most memorable was nicking and eating the last piece of a lemon cake when there were two people in the room.

MephistophelesApprentice · 13/12/2016 15:56

My cats are very elderly and have recently developed an aversion to their litter tray. One of them (and I don't know which) has started crapping in my room, which in fairness is the messiest in the house.

With a heavy heart I decided that from now on I will shut them out of my room while I'm not in it. They didn't appear too upset - even crapped in the litter tray again! - so I thought the solution a good one.

The other day I came home from a weekend break. The cats had been looked after while I was away, so were there usual stand offish selves but I seemed to be quickly forgiven. I went to my room - no cat shit, wonderful - then popped downstairs for a drink.

I could only have been 30 seconds, but that was apparently enough time for both the cats to slip in, take a sneaky shit then vanish to opposite ends of the house looking innocent.

Fuckers.

Niggit · 13/12/2016 16:00

Great thread!

One of my DD's dogs is spoilt and entitled and hates the rain or the cold. If it's anything but a calm, warm day, he will refuse to go outside, wait until your back is turned, crap on the floor, and then come and find you - "I say, somebody's done a dump in the kitchen. It's disgusting. Deal with it,
will you?"

Our elderly DD managed to get his head through a hole in his fabric basket just the other night and came shambling across the floor wearing it like a tortoise shell - photo attached. Right in the middle of Strictly, as well.

And I'm a registered carer with the Bat Conservation Trust, so usually have at least one or two bats in for R & R.. Part of this entails having them out of their containers to fly regularly so I can see how they're progressing. I was flying a little female recently in our hallway, where the only thing - the ONLY thing - left lying around was the small head for my Dyson, which was hanging on the wall. She landed near it, gave a squeak of glee, and scuttled into it before I could grab her. Fortunately that particular part of the Dyson was small enough to fit in her container...she lived in it for a week before I managed to evict her! Dick move, Bat. Intelligent, but a bit dick all the same.

Dick moves your pets have made
YelloDraw · 13/12/2016 16:10

Niggit wow you are a bat carer ! That is amazing

Frouby · 13/12/2016 16:12

I have a lot of dick pet stories. As we have lots of pets.

Ddog was a hooligan as a pup. She ate havanas galore, dp vair expensive wallet, £200 in £20 notes, 3 mobile phones, 2 chargers, DPs expensive sunglasses and the case, lots of toys. She is also a food theif. Though did cure herself slightly by nicking dps left over chicken madras one night.

She also severed her carpal pad trying to catch a duck.

Dpony was quite expensive to buy as a baby. Hence buying a baby. She lives on my mates yard. Mate is a bit paranoid about having expensive baby pony about the place.

Which was made worse when she arrived one morning to find pony missing. She phoned me in an absolute panic. Then noticed some ears popping over the to.of a small tree at the side of the field. Pony had climbed through the fence and was munching happily in a sort of little circle of trees. Mate climbed over fence to capture her and had to spend half an hour trying to work out how she had got in. Mate gave up and called me back suggesting we call fore brigade. Pony humphed and her and walked out of her trees and back through fence into field. Dickhead pony.

SagelyNodding · 13/12/2016 16:14

I love the parrot story! Amazing birds.
We used to have a large fishtank on the breakfast bar which had a glass lid. It was Sagecat's favourite vantage point. We took the lid off to change the water and got distracted by something-cat leapt onto the tank and ended up soaked, stuck and furious, surrounded by terrified fish. Got some good scratches getting her out of that one...
Second cat used to go out and wind up the neighbour's cats-all normal, except that he's a massive wuss and would then charge back into the house literally pissing and shitting himself with fear. We had to drag him out of his hiding place (dp's wardrobe) and shower him, then wash all of dp's clothes...

MrsMattBomer · 13/12/2016 16:43

mylaptopismylapdog

Our doggos don't like walking over grates either. They don't like standing on those bumps you get at zebra crossings, they just make a big fuss and whine until you let them sit on the other bit of the pavement.

I wonder if it's something to do with their paws being quite sensitive and they don't like the sensation? Who knows!

MrsMattBomer · 13/12/2016 16:46

SagelyNodding

We used to have a cat who had worked out the exact length of our neighbour's dog's lead that let him run around the garden without escaping.

Obviously, the cat would sit and taunt it at just the right distance that it couldn't get caught at and this would really infuriate the dog. This went on for weeks until neighbour mowed his lawn and moved the post that the dog was attached to. The cat obviously hadn't clocked this until the dog was right up its backside. I'd never seen her move so quickly!