Dick moves your pets have made

[MyPuppyIsADick]

I know I'm probably BU to start a thread inspired by HardLightHologram's thread but it's too well timed not to.

Last night my 9 month old pup busted out of the bedroom in the middle of the night and went on a rampage. Woke up at 6am to find a hole in one of the couch cushions, a cushion that was a wedding gift with all the stuffing torn out it, chewed woodwork at the top of the stairs and THREE(!) shits dotted about the place. Including one on the new hall carpet. And she ate a sponge that was left out in the bathroom

She's fine by the way, I was worried she'd eaten foam but she seems to have just trailed it around the whole fucking upstairs.

Fast forward 14 hours and I'm just about over it. Does anyone else have any stories of their pets being dicks to make me feel better about my own shit literally morning?

Moved into a snazzy new build and also got a new puppy to replace our old girl who didn't last long in the new place. Forgotton how naughty puppies are and that you need to shut, lock or hide things away. Our puppy pulled off the door seal on the utility room door completely and slept with it in his crate overnight. We now have blasts of cold air every time we go in the room...

2 more:

One of my cats left a rabbits face on the doorstep. Not the ears, not the head. Just the face. Think about that. Creepy.

Also, I had a phonecall at 7.00am one morning from the neighbouring farm to tell me that my horse was skipping around merrily in their field. Was very late to work that day!

Oh, just remembered the best dick move MCat pulled. He gets a bit bitey when over-stimulated, and on advice, we put him in the spare room for 20 minutes to calm down.

When I opened the door, he had DH's discarded trousers in his mouth, and was humping away at them. He didn't even have the decency to stop, just carried on, looking me right in the eyes.

My dog is a dick, he shat in my garden (which is fine) then came in to rub his shitty ass over my rug and left a long line!!! He is 17, deaf and a bit blind but damn well knew what he was doing lol xx (he is lovely though)

Cat shat all over my bedroom carpet this afternoon

I'm loving this thread, I've got 2 little dog and big dog.
Little dog barks continually every single time someone comes into the house even if that person has come in after a walk that she's been on.
Big dog has eaten all sorts, raw eggs, shoes, balls, the pie I'd left on the side for my tea on Friday. Thanks beast!!

One day was spectacular he ran over to on lead dogs (unacceptable I know but he was only about 8 months old) anyway this other dog didn't like it so told him off and he fell backwards into the canal, he then got into my bag and ate my black eyeshadow. It was all over his face and my cream carpet which took an hour to clean and I broke my steam mop and he chewed the heel off a pair of shoes.

I often wonder if the big dog, who's the pup gets into mischief on his own and little old dog is a good girl but the other week I'd been pottering about upstairs and knew I'd walk into something as both dogs had been very, very quiet, came down to the empty holder of a lint roller and little dog has sticky bits stuck to her beard and paws so had clearly been involved and was totally busted. More funny then dickish though

Couldn't be without either of them though

Our much-loved Dogzilla is generally v v well-behaved and not a dick, but has a dodgy tummy and vomits completely silently. Just recently - when I was 9 months pregnant, hippo-huge, and unable to bend over - he scarfed his raw mince breakfast way too fast and threw up the lot right behind me, where I promptly stood in it.
The sensation of semi-warmed raw-meat dog-spew oozing through my toes still makes me shudder. And cleaning it up took forever.

Have planted a few bulbs in the weed strewn remted garden.

This has meant digging holes and leaving bare earth.

Next door's gorgeous tabby Maine Coon has decided that the concrete planter I planted up with hyacinth and snowdrops and was filled with good quality compost is THE. BEST. PLACE. to have a dump.

Big hole in the middle of the planter and smelly, brown sludge in the hole.

And it's been raining.

My dog is a massive Dick. She lives with exdp and came to visit at the weekend. She jumped on my brand new beige fabric chair with mud on her paws.
This was quite a mild Dick move for her. She's done much worse at exDPs house she is well trained
This is her not giving any fucks sleeping on the new sofa but on top of a blanket.

Started panicking about one of my house rabbits yesterday - he wasn't eating, seemed lethargic, no poops. Terrified he was in GI stasis (pretty much the most serious thing to strike a rabbit, for those of you not crazy rabbit owners), I rushed him to an emergency vet appointment. While in the waiting room, he started tucking into the hay I'd optimistically put in his carrier. I spent the equivalent of about £100 to tell the vet that my rabbit was eating just fine.

My now sadly deceased Labrador used to poo on my rug sometimes in her old age - I assume as the rest of the floors were laminate it was the only surface that in any way resembled grass. To try and stop this I tried rolling the rug up when I went to bed. Next morning? A large poo perfectly balanced in the rolled up rug!

Dog once ran off on a walk and managed to get through someone's front door, run through their house and out the back door and gate crash their BBQ party.

Same dog took great offence when I decided to go out and leave her for a couple of hours while I was on mat leave, so raided the kitchen, dragged a bag of onions and a bag of flour through to the lounge and spread the whole lot EVERYWHERE.

Cat once decided to eat our leftover chicken jalfrezi out of the pan then started projectile vomiting all over the house. Like something out of The Exorcist.

Too many tales to tell!

My dog is a dick...... had him walking on rugby field yesterday didn't realise they were practicing so called him bk to stick him on lead as he charged at me jumped up n knocked me on my arse/back in a big muddy bit in front of all these big hot sweaty men , me hitting the deck was greeted by laughing from them n me lying on my back like a upturned turtle trying to get over 1 ov them took pity n helped me up had to walk past them to get home , I wish the ground had opened up , fkin dog !!

Had a cat once that did a shit in my bed ! Didn't realise till I woke at 3am to this awful smell it was me covered in cat shit !!! I'd been rolling in it all night !!!! 3 am scrub in the bath with bleach n all bedding binned !!!! Dickhead cat ! The same cat once got into the over n took the beef out n ate it !!!!

Thank god I'm not the only one with a dick of a dog! Feel a bit better now woke up to a lovely large piddle on my tree and somehow the dick has got my two boys' advent calendars off the wall, demolished them puked it up on the sofa!!!

The worst was when he was an even younger pup and he decided to chew all of MY shoes ( only mine) apart from, my dog walking boots. He used to kick me out of bed on the morning so he could have snuggles with dh in morning

We have a love hate relationship, I could go on for days!!!!

DickDog thinks he's a cat. Or has no respect for species boundaries. DickCat is just as bad. It's well known in my family that they're an 'item'.

Rescue cat when she first moved in would shit in cat tray then go and piss on hall carpet. Had to have it pulled up and lino fitted. Other cat has ruined front room carpet and 2 sofas.

My sister's dog, while staying with us, decided to jump into the field next to our house. Through the window. using the back of the sofa to get him high enough. Only, there's a hedge next to the window which he couldn't clear. I came in to find him hanging across the window ledge and hedge, front legs hanging down the front of the hedge into the field. Back legs hanging down inside the window in the room. Completely stuck. What a wally!

Ooh thought id add one . I was talking to a man in a wheelchair once and my dog (who was then about 9) cocked his leg up and pissed all over his wheelchair and a bit hit the mans leg, I was mortified

Years ago our afterschool group wanted to go on a trip to china, so to fundraise we were to sell packets of marshmallow bunnies. The stock got delivered to our home, stored in our garage. Fundraising initially went well until our boxers got into the garage while we were out - they got so sick of eating marshmallow bunnies they then started burying them all over lawn. It looked like badgers or gophers had attacked our garden.

When we moved into our new home, we installed roman blinds in our bedrooms - nearly 1,200 just for three bedrooms. Cat1 likes to look out all windows at all times and we woke up most mornings to find Cat1 swinging off the blinds. We now sleep with the blinds open. Thank God we sleep on the second floor so no neighbours getting an eye full.

Sceptimum - I refuse to believe your staffie is anything but an angel. What a cutie in his bowtie

sceptimum here is my dog rocking a tie in the same colour. His bowtie is black. He just needs some doggy spectacles to complete his look

Stars - his paws are beauitful

Dog-sitting in laws dog today. I went out to get something from my car - took about 5 minutes. Came back and she's taking every piece of fruit out of the fruit bowl and placed them in her bed

My cat projectile vomited from the back of the armchair into the Christmas tree today. I had undigested whiskas in my tinsel, the arsehole

The cats sleep in the utility room. One night we woke to the sound of water running & thought it was the washing machine - back to sleep.

Later I found the shower was tepid at best - odd

Went down to sort out the cats, to find one had managed to turn on the hot tap, presumably by treading on the little lever, all the hot water was pouring down into the sink with one of the cats watching it go down the plughole & the room was like a sauna with condensation pouring down the window