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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban festivities on Xmas eve??

127 replies

facepalming · 12/12/2016 17:59

Dc2 has his birthday on Xmas eve, this is the first one.

We have all the grandparents coming to celebrate Christmas with us, DSis and some friends are coming up for some birthday cake the afternoon of Xmas eve.

I've said I don't want anything Christmas on Xmas eve - that we should keep it just for ds2's birthday - this will be every year until little one is old enough to decide himself how he wants to tackle it.

DH is European so he has the biggest sacrifice since he is used to celebrating Christmas on the 24th and he is on board with the plan.

We have made exceptions that the kids can leave their food and drink for santa and that after they are in bed we can maintain some of the European traditions amongst the adults.

Everyone was initially supportive but then we started with ' oh well can we just... and bit it's only..'

The straw was when I asked if we can do some Xmas present exchanges with those who won't be there Xmas day and I said we can exchange but not open as the day is reserved for dc2's birthday - at least in our home.

dm and dsis have got stroppy about it now and said it's unreasonable to expect to keep the day just as a birthday.

Aibu??

OP posts:
PberryT · 12/12/2016 18:00

He's 1.

He won't have a clue.

Chill out and enjoy the festive period.

Original poster
facepalming · 12/12/2016 18:00

I should have clarified the European traditions will be after the kids go to bed and just amongst the adults

OP posts:
Leanback · 12/12/2016 18:00

I think yabu especially if your dh's family celebrate on the 24th.

Sirzy · 12/12/2016 18:01

I know of people who have Christmas Day birthdays where they morning as Christmas and afternoon as birthday. Could you do similar but maybe the other way round?

It's a tough one but I don't think completely banning festivities will work.

Monochromecat · 12/12/2016 18:01

YABU and being a nutter

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/12/2016 18:02

I think yabu.

FroodGloriousFrood · 12/12/2016 18:03

Definitely YABU. Especially as he's 1 and won't be remotely interested.

allegretto · 12/12/2016 18:03

What Pberry said - also, aren't you European?

AmeliaJack · 12/12/2016 18:03

I think that you are being strict given that it's his first birthday and he'll have no idea that adults are exchanging gifts.

Original poster
facepalming · 12/12/2016 18:04

So do you think it's unreasonable just while he is so small or would it still be unreasonable when he is older? Only DH's parents are here from his side - obviously it would be different if we were celebrating in his home country

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 12/12/2016 18:04

Bit nuts if you ask me - and my DC Birthday are 15th and 13rd December.
DH is German and Xmas eve is his family's main celebration.
I'm sure your 1 year old will be ok to share his birthday with Xmas eve

Sirzy · 12/12/2016 18:04

If his birthday was a day later would you have banned Christmas?

ClashCityRocker · 12/12/2016 18:04

It depends what you would have normally been doing and what you plan to do instead.

Can exchanging presents not be done whilst lo is asleep?

How many kids are we talking about? If there's a group of them I think there needs to be a degree of compromise. It seems a bit mean to take away 'their' Christmas for a one year old who will probably be completely oblivious.

Hoppinggreen · 12/12/2016 18:04

Should have said DC birthdays are 15th and 23rd

maybeshesawomble · 12/12/2016 18:05

A really tricky one but you can't move Christmas and some of the Christmas Eve traditions from Confinental Europe are lovely - often the best bits of Christmas! I'd have a birthday morning and then move on to Christmas Eve, perhaps giving DS extra celebrations on 23rd?

Underthemoonlight · 12/12/2016 18:06

I think Christmas Eve is a special time and many children are as equally excited as they are at Christmas o think yabu what would have happened if he came on Christmas?

maybeshesawomble · 12/12/2016 18:06

ConTinental (ahem)

PberryT · 12/12/2016 18:06

It won't be a problem for a few years as he'll be asleep in the evening. Relax and sort next year when it arrives.

Hulababy · 12/12/2016 18:06

As for your DH and his family the real Christmas celebrations are Christmas Eve, then you need a compromise, in the same way that many people with Christmas Day birthdays here do.

I would start it this year though even though he is too little to really know at the moment, as what you do this year sets the scene for the future.

I would go for child's birthday from morning, to mid/late afternoon. Can include birthday breakfast and lunch. This won't be interfered with when he is older by school etc as it will always be school holidays. And when he is that age parties are likely to be at weekends anyway, so again not really an issue that will mess up plans.

Then Christmas festivities begin from late afternoon/evening. Initially might be a bit later if just adults, but eventually including children.

PlaymobilPirate · 12/12/2016 18:07

You can't dictate when adults open gifts! Madness!

FeckinCrutches · 12/12/2016 18:07

You are being very controlling, and it seems unfair on the people who are coming and want to do it the European way, especially when he's only 1, and won't have a clue anyway!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/12/2016 18:08

Just keep part of the day reserved for birthday celebrations. Refusing to participate in anything festive and banning the opening of presents between relatives is far too extreme.

Perhaps your ds could have a second 'birthday' in the summer to celebrate? (Like the queen Grin)

Original poster
facepalming · 12/12/2016 18:09

Sirzy DH and I discussed it when we knew we had a due date around Xmas - we decided that as our unit we would celebrate Xmas on the 24th if he came Xmas day and 25th if he came Xmas eve.

We just worry to maintain his birthday a special day for him but I appreciate it might be a bit much to do that while he is so little.

There are 6 little ones altogether - none of them from DH's side.

We don't normally get together with my family on the 24yh - the only reason everyone is together is for DC's birthday but I can see how it might be a bit unrealistic to keep a family gathering for any reason that is occuring so close to Christmas free of Xmas festivities !

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 12/12/2016 18:09

YAB VU!!
Really cannot see anu justification for your stance, as others have said, if he was born 24 hours later would you have banned Christmas?

PopGoesTheWeaz · 12/12/2016 18:09

Yeah, I don't think it will work either. Also, who has a full day of festivities? We all have other things going on on birthdays whether its christmas eve or a siblings football game. Obviously Christmas is a big distraction but trying to ban it just isn't going to work.

Why don't you do a birthday brunch where it is all about your DS and then after that, anything goes.

My grandfather always made us celebrate his birthday on his half birthday, even at the ripe old age of 85 as didn't like sharing with christmas :)