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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban festivities on Xmas eve??

127 replies

facepalming · 12/12/2016 17:59

Dc2 has his birthday on Xmas eve, this is the first one.

We have all the grandparents coming to celebrate Christmas with us, DSis and some friends are coming up for some birthday cake the afternoon of Xmas eve.

I've said I don't want anything Christmas on Xmas eve - that we should keep it just for ds2's birthday - this will be every year until little one is old enough to decide himself how he wants to tackle it.

DH is European so he has the biggest sacrifice since he is used to celebrating Christmas on the 24th and he is on board with the plan.

We have made exceptions that the kids can leave their food and drink for santa and that after they are in bed we can maintain some of the European traditions amongst the adults.

Everyone was initially supportive but then we started with ' oh well can we just... and bit it's only..'

The straw was when I asked if we can do some Xmas present exchanges with those who won't be there Xmas day and I said we can exchange but not open as the day is reserved for dc2's birthday - at least in our home.

dm and dsis have got stroppy about it now and said it's unreasonable to expect to keep the day just as a birthday.

Aibu??

OP posts:
Original poster
facepalming · 12/12/2016 18:34

I never really thought of it that he might actually enjoy to have both together. I had heard so much about the down sides of Xmas birthdays (everyone loved to tell me since we found out our due date!) that it just didn't occur to me he might find it a positive!

DH and I never really fussed much about Christmas - we always spent it alone so I think we don't really appreciate it's value to others - iyswim.

I suppose as our dc's get older we will get back into it!

OP posts:
PosynPip · 12/12/2016 18:35

I think you've had a hard time on here OP. My LOs birthday is 23rd and it's very difficult to try and not let it get overlooked in all the Christmas festivities so I applaud you trying to keep it defined - you hear plenty of adults on here saying they hate having a birthday near Christmas because they never felt it was their special day. What we've done with DS is to big up the fact a birthday near Christmas is extra special, make sure birthday presents are separate to Christmas ones and not wrapped in Xmas paper and of course he has a birthday cake and birthday tea as per any normal birthday. We don't try and make it un-Christmassy as I think that's impossible so near the day eg the decorations are already up and sometimes his birthday treat is a trip to the theatre. Don't know if that helps at all, but you're not alone!

Bobsmum02 · 12/12/2016 18:35

I don't think YABU at all, he deserves to have the day as his birthday not swallowed up by Christmas. It might not bother him until a bit older but your baby turning 1 is a big deal for you so celebrate it how you want. My dads birthday is Xmas eve and he says he never got a party or fuss etc, he's in his 50's and still talks about it not being fair lol!

You can still put the Santa plate out before bed etc.

Electrolens · 12/12/2016 18:36

I think pp are a bit harsh and you're not being entirely U especially as you and DH have discussed and he thinks same.

Bit impossible to have no mention of Christmas tho...can you not do birthday morning and lunch as pp suggested and then come bedtime do children leaving things for Santa and once DC have gone to bed do adult presents for those who won't be there next day.

When he's older he can just but setting precedent of nice/different birthday breakfast or lunch to celebrate him seems a good idea

Catsick36 · 12/12/2016 18:37

I was the same as you, bit pfb over his birthday. We don't let Christmas take over but it is defo there glaring in the background.

RebelRogue · 12/12/2016 18:38

Posyn that sounds really thoughtful and amazing, wanna adopt me? Grin

PosynPip · 12/12/2016 18:40

Aw shucks thanks Rebel Blush He's our 3rd so you're welcome to join the crazy crowd I reckon one more couldn't hurt!

Katy07 · 12/12/2016 18:40

I think you're being really nice OP. Maybe let it go this year as he won't know different but make sure that next year you're in a position to keep it special.

Catsick36 · 12/12/2016 18:41

Ive found I Do have to be super organised in terms of birthday party tho, I organise his party as early as possible so I can get in places. Also cake makers are super busy this time or year. Buy nice cards in summer. etc. Invitations go out early November and usually have a party before school breaks up. It's your babies first birthday you do what you want.

YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa · 12/12/2016 18:42

The child has a sibling ??

You can NOT have one child dictate Christmas for the whole family, it just isnt fair. Everyone I know who has a Christmas birthday has christmas morning, birthday afternoon and then a special outing a few days or weeks later.

Much more special and in fact gives the child more to look forward to.

JustKeepSwimming24 · 12/12/2016 18:43

I don't think YABU in wanting to separate the two occasions. Our DD2 was born on NYE, we felt the same as you when we found out our due date even though it's a week away from Christmas. I was adamant she would always get her special day like DD1 gets hers so on Dec 30th each year all Christmas decs are taken down and birthday decs go up. It's all about the birthday then, We like it totally separate. I feel the guilt too especially as none of her friends are ever free to come and celebrate with her on NYE! It takes a bit of extra forward planning and effort to make sure she gets her special day.

Anyway what we'd do if we were in your situation is spend the first half/3 quarters of the day on our own celebrating his birthday and having it all about him. Then see family later on and do Christmas celebrations. That way he gets the best of both Smile

Katy07 · 12/12/2016 18:44

But the birthday is on Xmas Eve, not Xmas Day - everyone can still have Xmas Day in its entirety.

Original poster
facepalming · 12/12/2016 18:47

I don't think anything I considered doing would be detrimental to my first child? Xmas is as normal on the 24th and we will be putting out a plate for santa before the go to sleep.

what do you think that takes away from.dc1 youjustwouldn't?

OP posts:
Original poster
facepalming · 12/12/2016 18:48

there are some great suggestions here thank you all

OP posts:
maybeshesawomble · 12/12/2016 18:54

DD2 is 4 January so we replace Christmas decorations with a smaller silver birthday tree and her presents go under that. Fairy lights stay up. Does mean the silver tree has to come out for DD1's birthday later in the year! Too late for this year, and he is still too young, but perhaps decorating one room in DS's favourite colour (when he has one!) and displaying his presents might make his birthday things distinct from the Christmas decs?

DonaldStott · 12/12/2016 18:56

Our dd is going to be 8 on christmas eve. We do a special day for her about a week before her bday. Be it what she wants, a party with friends etc., this year she wants a day out with just me and dh, so we will do that on the 19th. We don't decorate the back room, so on christmas eve, that is the party room, done up with bday stuff. We have a drop in family day with people coming and going. All christmas presents straight into the living room, bday presents in the party room. Funnily enough, it is also my sisters bday on xmas eve and also my nans, who has since passed away. Never been an issue and dd has never moaned abt having an xmas birthday as of yet.

tireddotcom72 · 12/12/2016 19:02

Dd is a Xmas eve baby 1st birthday we didn't really celebrate it on the day.

2 3 4 tried to make a special day for her but she was so overwhelmed with 2 days of presents and celebrations by Xmas day afternoon she went into major meltdowns.

Birthday 5 and 6 we spent in Disney.

Then birthdays 7-12 she decided what she wanted - family breakfast at home after opening presents then off to spend birthday money before nice meal out and pantomime. We always go to mass in the evening then home to get ready for santa.

Birthday parties are either a couple of weeks before Xmas or a couple of weeks after. She has never moaned about being a Xmas baby but I do feel sorry for her having to wait 12 months before getting any presents again.

ElizaMarie · 12/12/2016 19:06

Hi Op, I understand where your coming from with wanting your DS to have a special day just for him like his siblings. My friends DD was born Christmas Day but they celebrate her birthday on her due date (21 Dec), could you do something similar?

sonlypuppyfat · 12/12/2016 19:08

You're being so silly can't you see that. He's a baby and won't care, and you are spoiling everyone's Christmas. What's wrong with you?

SootSprite · 12/12/2016 19:08

Dh birthday is Christmas Eve. We celebrate his birthday until after dinner, when it then becomes Christmas Eve. Maybe you could do something like this?

CherrySkull · 12/12/2016 19:10

we always do birthday on the nearest weekend, i know thats not helpful this year as his b'day is a saturday.

However, he's 1, and he won't care which day you celebrate his birthday/do his party.

I would go 1 of 2 ways.

Celebrate another day entirely.
Do morning birthday, xmas after lunch!

DotForShort · 12/12/2016 19:17

Yikes, no. I think it sounds like a bad solution to a problem that isn't really a problem.

One of my brothers has a Christmas birthday. He has always loved celebrating both Christmas and his birthday together. When we were growing up, we did the usual (secular) Xmas things, but my brother always had a birthday party at home as well, birthday cake, etc. He sometimes had a party with school friends either before or after Xmas.

And then there was Hanukkah too. Smile

Nineloves1 · 12/12/2016 19:21

I don't think you are being unreasonable, and agree that although he is too young to know any better, it is a good idea to start as you mean to go on.

I also think doing a "thing" for DC each year on his birthday will make it special.

The tricky part is that the family celebrate Christmas on the 24th. I agree with the suggestion you keep the morning and early afternoon for SC birthday, and Christmas later on. What about after four ish, when it's getting dark.

When DC gets older he will get Christmas eve excitement too then.

firsttimemum15 · 12/12/2016 19:24

I think its fine

RebelRogue · 12/12/2016 19:24

For everyone saying he's a baby and doesn't care,what about when he does start to care? Won't be OP be seen as even more unreasonable for changing the goalposts after years and changing "tradition"?

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