About DH's lie ins?

[isthatpoisontoo]

I had a baby at the end of September, and DP has been brilliant. He was an amazing support during our week in hospital. He's totally accepted that I'm stuck under her breastfeeding for hours (we had so many feeding issues), and that she's a very needy baby (as more than one health professional has put it). He's taken over all the laundry, cooking, washing up and lots of the cleaning, in addition to his demanding full time job.

But one thing is pissing me off. Even though I'm doing all of the night wakings, he never gets up until I do at the weekend. He's moved out of the bedroom, although I think there's plenty of room for all of us in the superking. It would be so nice to come down to a clean kitchen, the cat fed, some shopping done, or even find him doing something for himself. Instead yesterday I came down with a crying hungry baby at ten o'clock, and tried to find something I could eat while feeding her that didn't involve milk or butter, since we were out of those. He came down after me, at which point he made a coffee, etc.

He always has a reason why he wasn't able to get up earlier: he couldn't reach his inhaler, and his chest was bad; he couldn't sleep for hours in the night; he has a virus. He has been ill a lot since she arrived (we once called out of hours about his asthma and they sent an ambulance) but he also characterises having a bad cold as being "really ill" so it's hard to say. I feel like if he really is sick he needs to find better ways to manage it, but packing him off to out of hours/ GP/ asthma nurse hasn't produced results. In any case, how come he can always get up when I do, but not before?

I'm getting so resentful about him getting these lovely long nights of sleep when I'm propping my eyelids open after being up with the baby several times in the night. It's not just a nice eight hours, either, sometimes I've been in bed ten and a half hours (much of it awake) and he's still not got up!

In his defence, he still looks tired, and he gets limited amounts of sleep during the week because he gets up at 5.30 am to go to work. That's a choice, though, he could get in at 9 am like everyone else, he just likes to be in when the office is quiet. I don't get a choice about getting up to feed a crying baby, even when I'm sick.

AIBU about his weekend lie ins, or is he?

No need to be unpleasant. We have all been U at times after having a baby, I'm sure.

I totally understand the non sitting down time OP, when ds was small my mum.or Mil would come round during the day sometimes. I would cheerfully hand my Velcro baby to them and go and wash up, hoover etc. I spent the rest of my time sitting with him.asleep on me or bf, and really struggled with it. So was pleased to hand him.over foe half an hour.

It is exhausting breastfeeding a small baby who doesn't sleep well, but I don't think it's reasonable for you to expect your DH to be doing any more. You will run him into the ground. Are you making sure you sleep during the day when baby naps? You have to think about catching your sleep over the 24 hours whenever baby naps as you are never going to get enough at night. Hang in there, it gets easier. I was in same situation as you, but doing all the laundry, cleaning and cooking too. Go easy on him (he sounds fab!) and enjoy your baby.

I can't say either way if YABU because I don't live your life. I do think it's something you need to speak to DH about if you feel like things are getting on top of you. Don't really understand the, quite frankly, insulting and abusive comments. You've just had a baby and it sounds like you're seriously sleep deprived. It's ok to be annoyed about little things. But like I say, DH doesn't know if you don't speak to him. He is doing a lot, and I'm sure it's appreciated, but he's chosen to sleep in another room to get sleep so he can't have all the benefits unfortunately. I'd just ask nicely that he takes baby after she's fed so you can sleep, you'll feel much better after a couple of hours nap and life will be easier in your household. Good luck! Early baby days can be really hard but it doesn't last long x

Gosh your DH is doing an aweful lot plus working full time and actually sounds like he is ill to boot. If you're finding it too hard to do all the night waking maybe express and ask DH to do one. If he is doing all the household jobs may be take some of these back in exchange for some night feeds. It sounds like you beingvto the sole feeder is causing issues. I would look at ways to split the feeding through either expressing or mixed feeding (in 3years no one least of all your baby will give a damn how they were fed but will care about the state of their parents relationship and health)