Mum has announced its time for me to host Christmas.

[torroloco]

Apparently she has had enough and she "goes to all that effort just for us to fuck off on Boxing day". Both me, my brother and my Dad work- Dad and brother are working boxing day, I go back to work on the 27th but as I have a 3hr trip to get home I will be leaving early boxing day so i have time to get home and pack as im off on holiday with the family I work for.

Also, apparently because im 27 now I can host. The plan according to her is for the 3 of them to drive to mine in the morning and leave after Xmas dinner. To a tiny 1 bedroom flat with broken central heating (i highly doubt my LL will pull his finger out to get it sorted in time) and a tiny, unreliable oven.

WIBU to go and celebrate Xmas with them when im off for 3 days just before and then spend Xmas day alone eating shit and watching boxsets ?

I love my mother dearly but im starting to think shes batshit crazy

So many questions unanswered from that update OP! But it does sound like something is up with your mum. Can you ask her if everything is okay?

And if you are that cold in your flat you need to get onto your LL. it's unacceptable!

OP you do need to pull on your big girl pants and get on to the LL and get your beating sorted. It will be a month you've been without by the New Year. At the very least LL should be providing some plug in oil filled radiators for each room.

If you don't make a fuss, you won't get anything as your LL is clearly dodge.

-Who sets off on a journey that long without first checking that the person is even going to be home and free to see you?

Actually that is something my parents would do. They often like to call in and pop into people without any warning.

Once I DID have a man between my thighs... Well, in bed with me asleep anyway as my parents rocked up to my student house at 9am to see me unannounced. That was ackward. Especially when dad went for a wander out of the sitting room where I had plonked them whilst I showered and had a nosey into my room!

Sherlock Kr1stina Holmes, perhaps you would like to discuss your deductions with MNHQ? The OP has already said she knows her dad 'fixing' the heating is against the tenancy rules, and believe is or not some people feel the cold more than others. Our gas meter ran out yesterday morning, it was much colder inside than out, despite not being freezing. And I'm a 'well insulated' fat person, I have family members who live in several layers of clothing at the mere turn of the weather. I can only assume you're either a polar bear or a Geordie to be able to to manage one layer in 'freezing conditions without heating', well done you.

To be fair kristina, you've just assumed her dad is a gas safe registered engineer. My dad can and occasionally does fix ovens, and isn't. I'm not saying it's a good idea (didn't let him fix ours when we were in a private rental) just that people do it. That could quite easily be what OP meant when she said it would be a breach of her tenancy agreement.

I suspect you might also be a little hardier than most of us. I live in a house, in the north, and even in today's rather mild for December weather I am in trousers, jersey top and cardi, and need the fire on sporadically. OPs account of multiple duvets sounds odd to me, but not really any more than yours.

I must be dying then, working central heating and two duvets on my bed!

I assumed her dad was a gas safe engineer because her mother suggested he fix the heating system . And one who works with gas knows about the regulations,

And I suggested that she ask her landlord if he would hire that dad to fix it, since the landlord can't get anyone sooner.

I have no idea why you find this such a shocking suggestion.

I didn't suggest that her dad fix it unofficially .

How old is your mum op?

Not that it's necessarily always age but.. and I don't want to worry you btw but very early signs of altzeimers can be personality changes. We had funny changes with my auntie 10 years before she was diagnosed.

Hope it all works out in the end for you though!

Your mum appears to be pissed off with you for some reason and if you don't know what that is then you need to find out. Your original post says that your mum is fed up that she is cooking Christmas dinner for everyone and then everyone is clearing off on Boxing Day. You don't actually have to leave early on Boxing Day morning - you are choosing to because it suits you (as you want to pack your suitcase!!), not because you have to go to work. Maybe consider spending some time with her (although it sounds as if she's past that)

I suspect your mother is turning to you to host as if it is in her home, even if sorted by you, your father and brother, she will end up having to be involved.

You seem to be finding every excuse possible not to host and the issue about the heating is frankly ridiculous - wearing extra clothes and duvets but not tackling your landlord about it. Really? Why not just do it and make the best of it. Your mum will get what she wants, you won't have the drive (lots of time for suitcase packing ) and it might just be fun!

Nobody said you did suggest her dad fixed it unofficially kristina. We pointed out that you were making an assumption, with nothing in OPs post to back it up, that her dad is a gas safe engineer. Because all she said was that he could fix it, but that it would be a breach of her tenancy agreement. This leaves the possibility that he knows how to do it but doesn't hold the appropriate qualifications and registration. Obviously using such a person for repairs would be a breach of most tenancy agreements.

It's not shocking that you made this assumption, but it was unwarranted. Actually the more surprising elements of your post were the bits about warmth and you thinking it was worth remarking on that a tiny flat might have room for, gasp, 3 duvets! Think you might have over-egged your troll hunting a touch.

Why not just do it and make the best of it

Yeah, ignore the other two adults in the family and be a good girl and take your mother's place in the kitchen.

I still think this is about punishing you for moving out 3 hours away and leaving her with unhelpful dad/bro. Hence turning up to see you.

By "four duvets" Op could easily mean 2 duvets and a throw and some small exaggeration. Most tiny one bed flats do have room for a spare squishy duvet!

I think you sound lazy. At 27 years old I was cooking dinners for big groups of people...I was actually doing it a long time before that. It's not that big deal! You seem like you're finding every excuse not to do it. I feel sorry for your mum. Your brother and dad sound useless and you sound like them too; selfish. Help your mum ffs and tell your lazy brother and dad to do something too. . I'm not suprised she's not wanting to do it.

lol @ accredited tradesperson based troll hunting

Has she even said it's a gas oven? My old flat was all electric, storage heaters and electric cooker. I put in a new oven/hob myself because I know how to wire a fucking plug (it's the same just with bigger wires) and Currys were bastards but that's another story. Would be illegal now I think.

YANBU to not want to host on 2 weeks notice. I can't wait to host Christmas, but we live in a tiny one bed flat with no table, so until I've got a bigger place I do cake/ pudding etc and help out on the day. If your mum is that fed up of doing xmas she should have said something a couple of months ago.
IMO YABU leaving so early on Boxing Day to pack. Pack before you leave and leave later on Boxing Day.

Oh yes, so she does!

Ridiculous to suggest OP has been spared for 27 years. Was she supposed to host Christmas as a small child ffs

The mother is being a self-absorbed martyr.

I perfectly understand wanting a break. But then you be adult about it. Arrange in advance, suggest in advance, that you're not keen on hosting this year. Suggest alternatives that suit everyone. A meal out. A nice hotel away with the dh etc.

Don't land it on your dd at short notice with nasty, aggressive comments about how they fuck off on Boxing Day.

Polar bear or a Geordie

😂

I think you sound lazy.

Oh do piss off.

Yeah, this isn't just about hosting Christmas. Something isn't right here, unless it's normal to drive so far instead of answering the phone

Geordie and proud

Well there's clearly something major going on with DM but if she refuses to articulate what it is, and is making unreasonable demands (replace LL's oven with a new one - get Dad to fix heating - which as OP rightly says the LL will not be happy with), then I think the OP should just let DM get on with it, whatever "it" is. Huge sulky strop or something else.

OP could lay out the options:
She, Dad and DB cook at parents' house and give DM the day off
They try to book somewhere for Christmas lunch
They are welcome to come to OPs but DM now knows there is no heating and the oven doesn't work.

These are the options. Pick one.

DM doesn't want to pick one? Then DM can have a Christmas sulk at home with the two non-cooking men and OP can do her own thing.

I think OP has been entirely reasonable in her suggestions to her DM, and equally if DM doesn't want to host Christmas Day any more that's her prerogative and in OP's shoes I would list options as above then retire from the fray.