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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum has announced its time for me to host Christmas.

405 replies

torroloco · 12/12/2016 07:32

Apparently she has had enough and she "goes to all that effort just for us to fuck off on Boxing day". Both me, my brother and my Dad work- Dad and brother are working boxing day, I go back to work on the 27th but as I have a 3hr trip to get home I will be leaving early boxing day so i have time to get home and pack as im off on holiday with the family I work for.

Also, apparently because im 27 now I can host. The plan according to her is for the 3 of them to drive to mine in the morning and leave after Xmas dinner. To a tiny 1 bedroom flat with broken central heating (i highly doubt my LL will pull his finger out to get it sorted in time) and a tiny, unreliable oven.

WIBU to go and celebrate Xmas with them when im off for 3 days just before and then spend Xmas day alone eating shit and watching boxsets ?

I love my mother dearly but im starting to think shes batshit crazy Grin

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/12/2016 19:22

'No one has to do Christmas, you choose to and if you don’t like it and still do it you’re a fool. It's almost like some people, particularly women, just love a pity party.'

Applauds!

GerdaLovesLili · 14/12/2016 19:28

I suspect very strongly that the reason your Mum wants to come to you and go home again on the same day is to punish your Dad and Brother. She'll be expecting them to do the unpleasant 6 hours of driving, and whoever drives home won't be able to drink.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2016 19:44

She doesn't have a reliable oven!

But hey, the day I gave birth to triplets, even though I had Ebola, I hosted an entire battalion for Christmas to give everyone a break because they deserved it. I had no kitchen, so I used C4 explosive to heat up rations and we all had a memorable time with delicious chow.

Marynary · 14/12/2016 20:07

I don't see anything wrong with Holldstock's post, and whilst I agree with Mary that it's not that hard to cook a christmas dinner, it's not just about cooking it - it's all the other stuff when you have guests around and are cooking for them (and the most you get from anyone is a sense of entitlement and half arsed tokens of help).

She doesn't have guests around though. She is just cooking for her DH and children.

QueenArseClangers · 14/12/2016 20:17

Only a battalion expat? You lazy fucker.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2016 20:31

I whipped up a vat of lentil soup, spag bol and chilli for 2 further companies and 4 platoons, Queen. It was no trouble at all. C4 goes a long way, OP, you can just order some from M&S, fuck not having a cooker. You just have to find a way and not look for excuses Grin.

Chippednailvarnishing · 14/12/2016 20:56

I went to the pub.

EdmundCleverClogs · 14/12/2016 21:02

expat Grin

As a side note - I've looked at M and S' Christmas food range and I genuinely don't understand how anyone can afford it unless they are royalty or have sold a kidney.....

TroysMammy · 14/12/2016 21:09

I'd love to host Christmas lunch for my family but my parents, Dad, refuses to go anywhere except his own home. They only live 4 miles away. My DSis, BiL and DDN would happily come to mine but we couldn't leave parents having Christmas lunch on their own. My DP is away working at Christmas so it's my DM's strange slant on roast parsnips and charred pigs in blankets again.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2016 21:14

'As a side note - I've looked at M and S' Christmas food range and I genuinely don't understand how anyone can afford it unless they are royalty or have sold a kidney.....'

I did, too. Cheapest turkey crown was still £28. When you live in a dinky flat with a shite LL who won't fix anything it's doubtful you have the budget to just order it all in from M&S.

And I wouldn't want to put an expensive cut of meat into an unreliable oven.

Chippednailvarnishing · 14/12/2016 21:17

I hear pot noodles are easy to make and very warming.

Obviously the Op just needs to demand the landlord fixes the heating, right now!

EdmundCleverClogs · 14/12/2016 21:22

And I wouldn't want to put an expensive cut of meat into an unreliable oven

It's ok, someone up thread suggested bunging it all in the microwave! Of course, the op doesn't seem to have the most essential of Mumsnet equipment- the Blessed SlowcookerTM. Just chuck in M and S salmon, turkey, cranberries and pudding all together, problem solved! One pot, zero effort Wink.

ClarissaDarling · 14/12/2016 21:37

chipped great minds...

Mum has announced its time for me to host Christmas.
expatinscotland · 14/12/2016 21:39

With that £150 'budget' for the Christmas meal as one poster suggested.

ClarissaDarling · 14/12/2016 21:39

NB they were sent out to the troops in Afghan in 2009 so don't know if they're still a thing!

Chippednailvarnishing · 14/12/2016 21:40

Four of those would be perfect after a 3 hour drive to a flat with no heating! Grin

expatinscotland · 14/12/2016 21:42

'I hear pot noodles are easy to make and very warming.'

Yeah, Chipped, but you can't bung, sling or chuck Pot Noodles in anything.

I guess there is, however, the satisfaction of 'whipping' them up.

C4 is the way to go, I'm telling you. Grin

Yamadori · 14/12/2016 21:52

OP, I can see what's happened here. Your mum has gone on strike.

She spends weeks preparing for Christmas - cleaning, shopping, buying and wrapping presents, writing cards, ironing tablecloths, sorting out extra dishes, finding the nutcrackers and God knows what else. She then has to organise all the food, and spend a large part of Christmas Day cooking, clearing away, washing up, making endless drinks etc.

She has done this for decades.

Then this year she finds out that on Boxing Day, the first day she gets to relax, chill out, enjoy herself and spend time with her family... you are all going to bugger off and leave her on her own.

There won't even be anyone around to make her a cup of tea while she puts her feet up.

No wonder she's pissed off.

Chippednailvarnishing · 14/12/2016 21:55

There won't even be anyone around to make her a cup of tea while she puts her feet up

She can put her feet up, while the rest of the family work or travel back to get ready for work.

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 14/12/2016 22:03

Hmm

Couple of years ago my mum said "I thought you could do xmas this year!"

And I said "Oh! Um. Well OK then. Yes that's fine"

And she looked horrified and quickly said "Oh no not really I mean your brother wouldn't stand for it, he likes everything to be the same".

So, OP, maybe call her bluff.

Probably a lot of people's answers are based on their own relationships with their mothers / families & so on. I don't get on with my mum, and this is my reaction.

FWIW I also agree with the person who said that in essence, if you don't do it, then she will still do it for your dad and brother anyway, so essentially, if you don't do it you are uninvited. This is about you and her, the men are not in this conversation at all, they are not being asked to make any decisions / take any responsibility etc.

Also I don't think you can really go for the period beforehand and leave for xmas, seems better to either host it (or at least say fine and see what happens) or not get involved at all. Again - that's just my perspective. You know your family and the dynamics the best.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2016 22:04

'Then this year she finds out that on Boxing Day, the first day she gets to relax, chill out, enjoy herself and spend time with her family... you are all going to bugger off and leave her on her own. '

Yes, it so sucks when people have to go to work to pay their rent and bills and drive 3 hours back home so they can do that. Hmm Imagine that, adult children have to leave to go to work.

No one's been holding a gun to her head and forcing her to do all of this for years and years. She chose to.

EdmundCleverClogs · 14/12/2016 22:04

There won't even be anyone around to make her a cup of tea while she puts her feet up.

I know right, selfish people having to work for a living! How very dare they not have more time off for making tea and idle chit-chat.

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 14/12/2016 22:05

Oh and for food obviously you can't cook, with the oven and that. Cold cuts and whatever I suppose. You'll need to warn them what to expect, and remid them the heating is out. Will your dad and brother react with equanimity or get pissed off?

expatinscotland · 14/12/2016 22:09

Gees, my one daughter wants to join the military and the other wants to be a doctor, I'll probably never see them at Xmas at all, let me stamp my feeties and throw my teddies out the pram and demand they change their minds to something that allows them to do Xmas dinner and spend Boxing Day making me tea.

Chippednailvarnishing · 14/12/2016 22:14

You'll need to warn them what to expect, and remid them the heating is out

Why? It's not like the Op has actually invited them.

Will your dad and brother react with equanimity or get pissed off?

Who cares. They appear to have absolved themselves from any responsibility, so they will just have to put up with it.