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Original poster

Lifts and petrol money conundrum

133 replies

Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 22:29

Ok I'm going to be intentionally vague so apologies in advance.

A lives in the same street as B but they don't really know each other although the kids are good friends. Both peoples dc start at the same school which is some distance away.

A takes her son to school in the car which takes 20 minutes
Bs dc go to school on the bus which is 45 minutes to an hour in traffic and includes a bus change.

A starts to offer Bs dc a lift home when she sees them at home time.
This isn't daily as sometimes the son and other dc are in afterschool sessions or not in the same classes or simply don't see each other that day.

Bs dc continue to catch the bus to school and home when not with As son.

B has not offered petrol money to A as B feels she is paying £70 a month for her two children's bus pass which covers them to school and back and doesn't really want to be paying even more out.

B feels it is silly to leave the two children to navigate the buses on the days they are in class together when they live in the same street but would appreciate a gesture of a small offer towards petrol

Who is in the wrong

Should Bs dc refuse the lift if they aren't offering money?

Should A stop offering to take the dc?

Over to you.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 11/12/2016 22:31

If she wants petrol money then the children need to be told to refuse the lifts.

Allthebestnamesareused · 11/12/2016 22:31

A should stop offering lifts if she wants money for her gesture.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2016 22:32

What does A feel about it. If A is happy with the current arrangement that is fine. But if A is not and wants petrol money, she shoukd stop offering lifts.

BackforGood · 11/12/2016 22:32

No money should exchange hands.
No offer needs to be made.
It is nice of A to offer a lift if she happens to see them and is doing the journey with room in her car, then it's not really any skin off her nose anyway - this isn't an arrangement where she has offered to do this on a daily basis, and even if it were, it would only save them having to have a bus pass if A were giving lifts both ways.
So B is Bu to think that A owes her anything.

BackforGood · 11/12/2016 22:34

oops - think I've mixed my As and Bs, but you get the drift I hope Blush

Biffsboys · 11/12/2016 22:34

Has she actually asked for petrol money ? She is there anyway and offers the lift ? I'd just be telling dc to get the bus .

readyforno2 · 11/12/2016 22:34

I'd say if A is offering then she shouldn't expect petrol money. On the other hand if B was asking A to give the dc a lift she should then offer petrol money.

Jellybean83 · 11/12/2016 22:34

I am pretty much in the same position as A, sometimes I take next doors kids sometimes I don't if we aren't coming straight home. I have never expected or been offered cash... I'm going that way anyway so cash hasn't entered my head.

mickeyjohn · 11/12/2016 22:35

Her choice to offer the lifts - I'd assume it was for free. Unless both parents have come to some arrangement, I'd see it as a gesture of good will (she's going that way anyway, would make no odds to her if there's an extra body in the car) I wouldn't offer a lift to someone and then say 'can I have £3 please?' when they get out, unless I'd agreed in advance!

InTheKitchenAtParties · 11/12/2016 22:35

If I was A I wouldn't expect petrol money, because I would not be going out of my way IYSWIM. No one is in the wrong here

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 11/12/2016 22:37

A is going there anyway and b already has transport paid for , a should not offer if they want paying

InTheKitchenAtParties · 11/12/2016 22:37

OP I know you're being deliberately vague, but I don't get what the issue is?

WhisperingLoudly · 11/12/2016 22:38

Requesting petrol money is bizarre in these circumstances

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 11/12/2016 22:38

A should only give the lift if happy to do it for free. B has paid for bus passes, why should they pay extra for the children to get home when the bus passes are adequate?

Timeforteaplease · 11/12/2016 22:39

Seems a bit petty to ask for money if A Is doing exactly the same journey anyway, not going out of her way or being delayed. If I were A i would only offer a lift when convenient for me but not expect payment.

Looneytune253 · 11/12/2016 22:39

Wow I would have thought that since A is going that way anyway and the other children would otherwise happily be getting the bus then there is no petrol money owed whatsoever. If there's any kind of expectation from b's side then maybe an offer could be made but it doesn't seem like that's the case. If A is actually asking for a contribution then that is out of order, they will be doing that journey anyway. It's a shame they couldn't offer to take them to school too tbh, save them that bus journey if they are doing exact same route.

Rhythmsticks · 11/12/2016 22:39

Why would A want petrol money? She isn't using any more petrol and B's children have not asked for a lift!

Yes it's nice to offer (I would too if I was going the same way but money wouldn't cross my mind!)

A's parents are already paying for a bus pass.

Is this one of those reverse posts?

RainbowJack · 11/12/2016 22:40

I'd be pretty pissed if I'd paid for bus fares and someone took it upon themselves to offer a lift then ask money for it. No one asked A to drop them off.

If A isn't doing it to be generous off her own back she should stop offering to take the dc.

dustarr73 · 11/12/2016 22:40

No B shouldnt offer petrol money.Its on an adhoc basis.Plus A started giving the kids lifts.Maybe if she had to go out of her way to pick kids up.But she is going that way anyway.

tigerlilly0404 · 11/12/2016 22:40

Why should A be wanting petrol money when they aren't going out of there way at all??? As you stated it isn't a routine only when and if A sees Bs kids AND A offered in the first place! Why do people always expect something for doing something nice for someone else?

XiCi · 11/12/2016 22:41

If I was A I would not expect petrol money as I am not going out of my way at all to drop B's dc off. It's a kind gesture but not one I'd expect to be paid for

Lunar1 · 11/12/2016 22:41

A sounds a miserable sod! They don't need to offer lifts if they don't want, b will have paid for a bus pass I imagine. If A wants to make the offer in this circumstance then it should be no strings.

Tinkah · 11/12/2016 22:42

A isn't paying any extra and B didn't ask for the lifts. A is in the wrong why does she need petrol money she would be spending it anyway? You can't calculate the cost as it is on an as hoc basis all instigated by A and that would mean B is paying extra as she had the bus pass to pay for as well.

Ameliablue · 11/12/2016 22:43

I wouldn't expect petrol money to be given in this situation as giving them a lift is saving them time not money. The children could perhaps say thank you with a small gift at Christmas but if the driver thinks she should be paid, she should stop offering as she isn't doing it with good grace. If I was the parent of the children getting a lift I would tell them not to accept lifts in future.

pklme · 11/12/2016 22:44

The children getting the lift are not adding to the driver's costs in any significant way, so it's unreasonable for them to contribute given that they could happily go on the alternative transport they have paid for. If the person offering the lift expects to be paid, they should make that clear when offering so that DCs can refuse offer.

Sorry, easily confused by As and Bs!